A friend who devalues others... and has nothing good to say for people who help her

Barmeyoldbat

Sounds like my sister who I have nothing to do with anymore

Me too.
I would rather have no friends than someone like that. Life is too short to spend it with negative and nasty people.

bin her

Now that she has let her guard down, she is showing you who she really is, a nasty individual who will use you. She has nothing positive to add to the friendship and will only drag you down. What you don’t tell her she will make up to gossip about you too in a bad light.

I would stay well away from this toxic relationship.

Relation of mine has been like this for a while , now diagnosed with dementia

I would run - not walk - away from this so called "friend". IMO life is too short to spend your time with unpleasant people when you don't have to be in their company. (The older I become, the less willing I am to tolerate "toxic" persons.)

I know someone like that and don't associate with her anymore in fact for some years. I think it's what some people do when they lack basic social skills. It's an insecurity she has about herself so she turns her negative onto anyone she knows or meets. In return it makes her feel good until the next person comes along. A vicious circle that stems from a immature and jealous person. It's only my opinion but I would give her a very wide berth.

Sounds very bitter and unhappy person to me and possibly jealous definately has issues ! No I wouldn’t want to spend time with that sort of personality

Well, me being a fence sitter, I wouldn't have edged my way off my fence.

Someone said the correct word toxic.

I ask myself why did you allow this person into your space knowing full well that she bad mouths the world and his wife and you!

Yes, its obvious she is very unhappy if she casts a critical eye over anyone and everyone, most importantly, the people who are helping her, it all boils down to if you want to approach the question of what is deep rooted that is showing itself in her manner about others.

To me there is certainly something there. I faced a very similar situation, the person whose critical eye leapt from him to her to him to her AND ME REGULARLY was my uncle, i could do absolutely nothing right in his eyes and i got fed up to the back teeth of it and i wrote him a letter a LONG LETTER, outlying the truth and i wrote what is the matter with you ???? Of course, being family, I couldn't sit on a fence but thats family for you, in your situation she is a friend.....

Thanks everyone. It's true that the older we get, the less tolerant we are to toxic situations and the more we become aware when things aren't right even if we didn't realise at first.

Serendipity22 wow, what happened when you said that to your Uncle? I am curious! Family is worse, I have difficult family too. Commiserations!

Well previous to the letter, there were many fall outs, phones slammed down ( by me ) etc etc, so the letter was hurriedly written and fueled with frustration.

In later years it was alllll based on his snide remarks when i looked after my mum ( his sister) who i literally did everything humanly possible for her, I gave up my job to devote my time to her, i loved her, she was my mum and she deserved the absolute best. So, the snide remarks continued and continued till i said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.... then I wrote him to LONG letter which asked what is the matter with you .???

I got 1 word written on a small piece of paper, it said the word .... SORRY.

For him to say SORRY, it was enough.

After my mum went 'home' he actually told me I LOVE YOU.... I almost fainted with the shock....

I'm sorry I've rattled on, but i thought it best to paint the picture, it explains it better.

you could say to her, and i take it you think you are a better person than fat mary who lives in a council house, why is that ?
as if you are opening a sociology seminar.
with a neutral expression.

She sounds inadequate and jealous, but why? Is there some way of helping her?

i wouldn't go down that path...
that way lies madness.
look after yourself.

Honestly, this person will drain your emotional energy

Good friends recharge it, even while draining it because they are going through things

I'd step away

My (late) MIL was like that. She didn't appear to have anything good to say about anyone, not even her own family

Serendipity22 Im so pleased for you. Well done for sticking up for yourself! I think it's always best to stick up for yourself, but I'm not always good at doing it. Family is different though, we are stuck with them, mostly.

Welbeck I think she must feel superior in order to actually come out with those awful statements! I don't think I feel like entering into a sociology seminar with her though, not sure I'd like what she said!
Discodancer1975 maybe- but I've got no idea why or how? I'm not a priest or a therapist!

Welbeck and Violetsky yes, good point! At this point, I'm ghost.

I’m surprised she has any friends. I would step away. I doubt very much that you will be able to make her see what she is doing. It’s not as if she has been a lifelong friend - you owe her nothing. She will suck the life out of you if she gets the chance and your confidence will be rock bottom. I’ve been there…..

I don't think she has many friends. Thanks Libman, you're probably right.

I too am wondering why you call this woman a friend.

As to why some people never have a good word to say about others;

Many do so because no one has ever told them to stop this rude behaviour.

Others do so to bolster their own feelings, usually because they feel inadequate themselves.

Ooooh she sounds like a darling.........NOT.
I have a sister just like her and i stopped speaking to her around 15 years ago.
Get rid is my advice and tell her why.

One of our neighbours is like that. At some time or other, she has said something nasty or upset someone in the village.
She starts all her sentences with "You will not have.... or we had a better one than that. I was warned about her.
She is elderly and on her own and I felt very sorry for her but my help always seemed to backfire. I am now extremely polite but never engage with her.
I can truthfully say I am a lot happier. People who have constant negative thoughts about others even when they have helped them pull you down and make you feel miserable as well. Ignore her.

VioletSky is right ✅

I don’t think people like that are always aware they are doing it. It stems from unhappiness/bitterness and it’s such an automatic response they aren’t aware they’re doing it. They lack self awareness. I wouldn’t just walk away. Maybe write a letter explaining how draining and unpleasant you find the constant bile and negativity towards everyone. If that doesn’t give her cause to stop then give her a wide berth.

Try saying to her she would be nicer to know if she would describe others without denigrating them. Tell her you fear she may denigrate you yourself when you are not present.