A friend who devalues others... and has nothing good to say for people who help her

I agree with Tickingbird. It does people a good turn to tell them exactly where they are going wrong, and that is kinder than ghosting them. If you are successful in advising her she may turn into a nice person to know.

I would tend to avoid her because sometimes people like that can drag you down. She needs a social worker not a friend.

Nanna, why do you think a professional social worker is better than a generous friend? It's is good to risk one's own peace of mind to help somebody.

She has even one friend?
A relation who seems to look down on everyone, is short of friends. You wonder why!

Another friend who has just lost her husband and has developed severe vision problems, has always helped others.
She has a long list of friends who want to help and support.

It would be a kind, but probably thankless task to help and support this person, but would be a strain on you.
It would be a pity to cut them adrift, but you must take care of yourself

Tickingbird is so so right. For years I could only criticise and find fault with people. Lovely people torn apart by my negative mouth. My mother was seriously depressed all through my childhood and all I ever heard were nasty comments from her. I wondered why I had few friends. My family have pointed out my negative behaviour and I have done an awful lot of soul searching and gradually woken up and realised it is not necessary. I try so hard to think positive and now have small group of wonderful friends.

Dottynan well done for realising and making the effort to change.

My Mum was always a critical person.
It wasn't until I had children of my own, and met other young mums, that I realised not everyone was cross with their children all the time, and that people even seemed to like their own children ?

Dottynan Brave of you to post as you did and well done on making changes. It’s not easy to look inwards and face up to one’s less than perfect behaviour.

Dottynan, you've done so well to combat the conditioning of your childhood and make positive friends.
I am curious to know if it happened after someone pointed out your behaviour or if there was another turning point? It shows there is hope for us all. Thanks for sharing

I guess it was comments by my family and beginning to listen to myself and question why I was so negative. It really is hard work trying to be positive when you naturally learn negativity. I am getting there though

Why are you friends with her, if she has this type of behaviour? I have a pal for over 40 years and noticed 5 years ago that she continually was in judgement of others in a negative way. The predictability of what she spoke about each time made me steer clear for months on end (the pandemic forced us not to meet) but even with phone calls, she made me shudder with her incessant 'holier than thou approach' with gossiping. It was an addiction, so I've given her a wide berth due to feeling that I too is on her 'hit list'.

I've gradually stepped back from someone like that. A person who just seemed miserable with their life and I'm convinced wanted me to feel the same. They commented on my weight, I'm size 10, even if I'd no nail polish on I wasn't a lady, my hair length, etc. If I questioned them they just said I was being silly, not to take things to heart, so they are gone. I don't need idiots like that in my life and I'm sure neither do you.

MimiEliza because I had no idea until it started to all come out. Before that there had been a façade of niceness, I realise now.