Is this enough in your view ?

You sound very good & kind,you are all doing your best,does she read,watch Netflix,audiobooks,you tube has lots of interesting things can you suggest these——-I used to visit an old lady who was lonely ( family never visited)and tried to suggest these ideas

Im assuming you mother is still mobile and you say she drives. She would be getting quite a stern "be thanbkful for what you have" talk from me.

My grandmother was 96 when she died and lived alone and independently (with family support) til the end. The last few years she was not able to walk far but one family member came each day to do shopping/housework and chat. I visited every sunday despite a demanding work schedule and often for an hour after work in the week.

My grandmother would have hated that anyone found her a burden and never complained of being lonely. She had no TV - only a radio - as she would never allow her house to be fitted with electricity! Gas only. She was left a widow in her early 60s and lived on for almost 30 years without my grandpa so she learned to make a life for herself.

biglouis it’s lovely that your grandmother was able to live at home right to the end, but sadly it is not the norm. Even with carers and our daily input (which she had whilst she did live at home until one year ago) my mother can no longer live safely at home. Despite the difficulties that we’ve had with our relationship, I would never allow her to be uncared for, nor to allow her to be unsafe. We visit her in her care home regularly. I go about four times a week, my husband will go at least once, my DiL goes every Friday, and her grandchildren go at the weekends. She is visited on almost every day. We are also in the process of selling her flat, and for now we have to deal with all the business end of seeing to that. I have POA and look after all things financial for her. I’m nearly seventy, I’m ready to live my own life now without these responsibilities but it is what it is. I have to do it.

As an older gran I can idenify with your Mum. especially won'tdo, can't do etc.
I have various minor medical issues and blame those Sometimes.I wonder if we're suffering from a form of senile depression which comes and goes. I don't even want to answer the phone to someone who I know will say "How are you?"
Please don't blame yourself or family members.

Really wish I had visited my mum more. When they are gone you never get that chance again. Miss her so much even now over 20 yrs later.

My mother complained incessantly for 30 years after my father died which made her resentful (not sad!). The result was that we all ended up dreading our visits to her.

Just a little perspective I’d like to give to these old people who complain that life isnt so great.. I’m 72 and have terminal cancer, what wouldn’t I give to have the prospect of living to be 80 !

I'd say it's old age, all my mother does is complain, complain, complain ?

Well said Lucca

MawtheMerrier

Well said Lucca

Agree totally with the above.

So sorry Lucca ?

I became the sole family member involved with my Mum for the last 3 years of her life (with a small input from my kids).
My siblings abandoned her for their own reasons but mainly
because she was difficult, mean and miserable to be around.

It was exhausting, unrewarding and depressing but as I'd moved her to a retirement home near me I felt a duty to do
my best.

I held her hand untill she took her last breath and felt so
priviliged in that moment and since then I have missed her
but also felt at peace with myself that I did my best. My
siblings still struggle with guilt.
It is very hard when they are so difficult but has its rewards
eventually.

Sadly, as we get older, we do lose family, and friends to various diseases. Sad, but she should avoid thinking negatively.
Try to get her to be positive and count her blessings. Tell her to think of all the things that CAN do that other of her friends no longer can.
Sounds selfish perhaps, but keeping positive is important. Without being positive, she is giving up on life.
We are both over 80 and still do the things that we enjoy.
Yes, we are sad that we have lost friends who are younger than us, but life is not for the faint hearted.