DDIL doesn't use the clothes I buy for DGD

In my experience, all babies are given far too many clothes and soft toys.

You really neither can nor should expect everything to be used, just because you gave the family it.

Here the charity shops are full of baby clothes in the first three sizes that have clearly never been used.

By and large our children's generation have been brought up to say thank you for presents, but not taught to either wear or use the present when we visit, so don't expect this.

Here there is an old saying, " When you hand over a present, take your hands off it". Meaning: when you give someone something, it is theirs to use, or not, as they please. It is no longer yours.

I have often found it useful to remind myself of this say. After all there is no point in being hurt by something that wasn't intended a snub, so stop giving presents for the time being, and when Christmas appproaches ASK your DIL what she needs and would like for the baby. Then buy whatever it is. If your DIL replies that she has too much of everything as it is, accept it - this year the baby won't know it is Christmas, after all. Buy a decoration and hang on your own Christmas tree - later on you can tell your grandchild that that is her decoration, bougth by you for your tree for her first Christmas and that she can have it for her tree when she grows up and leaves home.

Or, as the child is a girl, buy a real pearl every year from now until her 18th birthday and have the necklace strung for her then.

Otherwise you will have a problem for the next 18 years or so with presents.

I have chatted to my daughter before buying baby clothing as her idea of what is cute and adorable is very different to mine. When she was a baby I dressed her in lots of pastel hand knitted cardigans but she confessed to me she much preferred quirky bright cardigans from popular online baby wear companies that use organic materials. I have to go along with what she decides because if I give hand knitted pastels they won’t get worn. I don’t like dull grey and navy on tiny babies and goodness me whoever would wish to dress a newborn in black?? She can’t stand logos like Mummy’s girl or i ♥️My daddy. I don’t waste money on anything that hasn’t got her approval first. I remember someone giving us a frilly bri-nylon frock when she was christened and 34 years ago I thought it was vile. It went to a charity shop. I did dress her in little cotton dresses as I didn’t mind ironing them, but I think young mums cannot be bothered to iron baby clothing these days.

I have twin girls and despite my telling their Gran - my mum - that they were never going to be dressed alike she always bought two of the same thing. They only ever wore them at the same time when she visited!

My whole attitude is if you give a gift then you don't expect and do not decide when they are used. It maybe that your grandchild is being given too many clothes. I used to also give toiletries and nappies and also a gift for mum as often parents get forgotten. I don't know if the things I gave were used, but it gave me a warm feeling to give it.

The op has already said she will stop buying clothes.
Problem solved.

To be horribly blunt (sorry but it needs saying). You are Gran - your DIL Needs her independence. Let her do her job. These 'presents' that are not needed at times when presents are not expected can feel as though the giver is rather desperately seeking either approval or control. IF this is you - (deep down you WILL know) - don't say a word but resolve privately to ease off. - I know it is not easy.

My daughter was overpowered by the amount of clothes my DGS was given, all 0-6 months. He was 4lb at birth, dropped to 3lb 8oz and took ages to fill some outfits. Others he grew out of before she realised. They grow so quickly, it is easy for them to grow out of unworn clothes.

Now when friends have children I buy 4 months plus. Perhaps offer your daughter in law a shopping trip or ask if there is an urgent need for something? Many new Mum's are becoming more aware of environmental waste in children's clothes too? Just say 'As DGD is growing so quickly, and I love to treat her, could you write a list of makers, designs you like? Or we could go shopping together? Of course, if you'd rather I could pop you a cheque, but I would love it if we could chose things together?'

Time may be an issue if she works, but perhaps think about creating a wish list with her - so you help and not overwhelm? I didn't realise at the start, but I was burying my daughter in baby things when she hadn't the room, or energy to argue. It was a panic when, during Covid he was born so small, so we all hit the Web...but I didn't stop when the panic was over :/ I've learnt to ask, or shop with her...

I’d ask your DIL to send you links if you want to buy something for your DGD.
She may not like what you chose or it may be about your DIL feeling like she wants to be the one to decide what she wants her baby to wear.
So Id let her do the choosing . If she doesn’t send you any links to what she likes then maybe she has tons of stuff for now, I’d back off and don’t keep buying stuff.
When your DGD is older she’ll be telling you what she wants so id save your money for now.

There are so many reasons baby clothes might not be useable - eg too difficult to put on, too small after a few weeks because baby has grown, not to the parents’ taste and so on. I tended to keep my eyes and ears open, and offer to buy things I thought might be useful when my son & d-in-l started their family. I think it’s quite difficult to give back presents that are kindly meant without feeling you’re hurting the givers’ feelings. My mum in law demanded photographs all the time, and it was quite difficult to keep up to!

You need to back off You are coming across to me as hard work and a stereotypical MIL

I kept a few lovely baby things for best but they never got worn as they were outgrown, perhaps just trying not to mess up good stuff. Some nice bits got used by the second child, bypassed the first as I was so disorganised or it was the wrong item at the wrong time. Maybe cash to buy something at exactly the right time might suit them better.

My former DIL was like that with jumpers I knitted for them - they were not baggy or badly knitted. For the youngest I spent ages making a little mock denim jacket from a pattern in Womans Weekly - pockets buttons and all. The only time I saw it on him was when I went to stay and put it on when I was dressing him. Now they’re older -20-14 years they are delighted with the christmas jumpers I knit for them!

Luckily my DD and DDiL all have similar tastes and I don't really but clothes as a regular thing but we bought DGD1 clothes for her birthday, leggings tops and a dress. Although she's only 3 she won't wear what she doesn't want to wear so it was lovely to see her choosing to wear what we gave her, including the dress although she also wore leggings. We see DGS4 regularly , in fact he's on the other sofa watching a film. I have a couple of changes here for him because it's easier than him having to carry clothes between our houses.

I haven't bought any thing for my smallest granddaughter as they have plenty of clothes already.

GrannyBL - the baby is only 4 months old! That's hardly a track record - and how often do you see the baby? Your feelings need to be given a good talking to otherwise you're in danger of being the grandmother from hell. Your dil may find it hard to tell you she doesn't like something, or that some other item of clothing for this little child is more comfortable, less fussy, easier to launder, etc. etc. It's her choice to dress the baby how she wants - please don't put pressure on her - babies grow out of clothes so quickly and young mothers have a busy and often tough time trying to manage the expectations of those who buy gifts. Don't buy any more clothes, if you see something you think dil might like for baby take a photo and send it to her with a question - just seen this, would you like me to buy it? And listen to the answer. My own daughter was inundated with clothing items from her mil for her children when they were babies (I didn't buy any) and the vast majority went on charity websites as she simply didn't want that amount of clothing for them. Maybe as baby grows you can step in and say that you'll be responsible for paying for shoes or the school blazer - this is much more likely to be welcomed than a surfeit of clothing that has little functional value for a 4 month old.

I agree with Nannashirlz, that your daughter-in-law might have a different idea of what’s ‘adorable’.
It may just be me, but I think, if I were the daughter-in-law, I’d be a bit wary, being bombarded with clothes in such a short space of time. It’s all very well to tell someone to say if they don’t like something, but it rarely happens.
I might be ‘bad granny’, but I wouldn’t dream of buying clothes for any of my grandchildren. Their parents know what they like, so I leave it up to them!

I was asked to knit for my first and subsequent grandchildren so I produced lots of cardigans and jumpers and have taken this as an invitation to provide clothing.
I buy lots of clothes for the grandchildren but I buy in specific places and certain items and try and get what I know they and my daughters will like.
I find that some clothes are wore repeatedly whereas others not so much.
It gets easier as the grandchildren get older and develop there own tastes. Boys like sports wear and football shirts and girls are just lovely to take shopping.
My mother knitted beautiful intricate dresses and masses of Aran jumpers for my daughters which they hated and made them itch. I always ruined them as they were wool. She also produced beautiful shawls which have been used for 40 years now and are cherished.
So my advice would be keep buying but find a shop or item that you know is liked and is practical and comfortable not fancy and for best.

just buy less clothes, but do still buy her some.
And with the rest of the money you would have spend on gifts, just open a bank account in your GD name (with permission from the parents) and put something little away for her every month. It will add up over the years.

????

Yes, I would think so.

I notice that Gransnet Daily mentions this thread today, but as

> DIL doesn't use the clothes I buy for granddaughter

So not DDIL as the OP deliberately put.

So does that missing D give a different nuance?

Stuff I bought for DGD as a baby was very rarely used. Now she's 4 1/2, she loves the Peppa Pig and Disney clothes I send her and I'm thrilled when I see her wearing them. She'll be coming to visit from Sydney next week and I can't wait to take her shopping so she can choose for herself.

What you call adorable your daughter inlaw might not. I’ve bought a few things for my granddaughters and my oldest if she likes she will put on herself but she is 11 my youngest granddaughter is 15 months and I know her mum likes her girlie girl pink. I’ve bought her few things and and as I don’t live near don’t see her everyday so I don’t know if she as every wore them only things seen with my eyes. So unless you live next door and see everyday how do you know she doesn’t. Question you should ask yourself is do you like everything you get. No one does but you always say thank you and then pass into charity shop lol

I vividly recall my MIL buying clothes for my babies as well as knitting for them. Most of the dresses were awful nylon monstrosities that actually made picking baby up quite dangerous as the fabric was so slippery! Being an accomplished knitter I used to be able to provide matinee coats bonnets and bootees in my choice of colour and design and she soon got that message.

However, it was the pram cover that irked me most, she knew what colour the pram was but chose to buy a hideous cover made our of pom poms that clashed hideously with the pram, you needed sunglasses it was so bad.

When my own grandchildren started to come along I actually asked my DDS what they liked and knitted and sewed accordingly. I got quite good at replicating current fashions at a fraction of the cost too.

Its important to acknowledge that our taste isn't everyone else's taste..........my suggestion would be for the OP to stop buying all together and ask her DIL what she would like for baby and stop imposing her choice on the poor girl.

I think I had the same problem with my granddaughter in law
as I never saw my gt gd in them.But as I don’t see them every day I was never sure,I asked my gd in law to tell me if anything wasn’t right,I used to send her photos before I bought anything so she could say yes or no.
Now they have had a little boy as well our first ggs.We meet at the shop she likes and our ggd1 helps the shopping by putting in the basket what she want and her mum decides whether she can have them.My job is to agree and pay then buy lunch
Lovely day out and everyone is happy.I get hugs from my gdil and big thank you for helping with their budget and my darling ggd 1 gets the twirly dresses she wants.My baby ggs gets what mum picks but as he’s only 5 months he’s not bothered.
A very satisfying solution to the problem.

Lucjygirl that made me laugh as well ! I also rarely buy my GDG or GDSs clothes because it upsets me that they arent worn. But you might benefit as she gets older if shes anything like mine because you can go shopping with DGD and she can pick something out herself. And if she's anything like my DGD she knows exactly shat she likes and woe betide anyone trying to put her in something else !