DDIL doesn't use the clothes I buy for DGD

In my experience, all babies are given far too many clothes and soft toys.

You really neither can nor should expect everything to be used, just because you gave the family it.

Here the charity shops are full of baby clothes in the first three sizes that have clearly never been used.

By and large our children's generation have been brought up to say thank you for presents, but not taught to either wear or use the present when we visit, so don't expect this.

Here there is an old saying, " When you hand over a present, take your hands off it". Meaning: when you give someone something, it is theirs to use, or not, as they please. It is no longer yours.

I have often found it useful to remind myself of this say. After all there is no point in being hurt by something that wasn't intended a snub, so stop giving presents for the time being, and when Christmas appproaches ASK your DIL what she needs and would like for the baby. Then buy whatever it is. If your DIL replies that she has too much of everything as it is, accept it - this year the baby won't know it is Christmas, after all. Buy a decoration and hang on your own Christmas tree - later on you can tell your grandchild that that is her decoration, bougth by you for your tree for her first Christmas and that she can have it for her tree when she grows up and leaves home.

Or, as the child is a girl, buy a real pearl every year from now until her 18th birthday and have the necklace strung for her then.

Otherwise you will have a problem for the next 18 years or so with presents.

Baby in question is only 4 months old so has no preference as to clothes other than comfort. When mine were that young, they were dressed in what was easiest to get on them and easiest to laundry. Clean, fed and happy more important than cute.

My mother in law bought our brand new baby an unbelievably frilly dress.
We used to call it her Royal Princess dress, she was tiny and the dress engulfed her, there were layers of netting, ribbons all over it.
Every time she wore it (hardly ever) the other children couldn’t stop laughing at her, it was funny, I’m sure I’ve got some photos somewhere.

I didn't deserve my DDIL as she made a big point of dressing grandchildren in the clothes I bought them but then we got on.
I made a point of scorning myMIL's clothes she bought for my children as they were either home-made (crimplene frocks with rick-rack round hem and neck) or very formal (see Prince Charles as a baby). But then we didn't like each other!

I was so shattered looking after my first child that what to put on him was the last thing on my mind. He lived in Babygrows for the first year, pretty well. The same ones tended to be washed, put in the drawer, then taken off the top of the pile and used again.
I rarely buy clothes for my 2 young GC. Mainly because they live in Australia, but also because their parents are strongly into recycling. They have a local sell, swap and donate Facebook site, giving away outgrown clothes and getting fresh ones in return. They usually have a couple of bags of clothes waiting to be grown into. Anything received that they don't like is re-donated. When I visit I ask if there is anything that they need, and go shopping with them, so that they can choose. Christmas and birthdays I send them some cash and they buy and wrap gifts for the children 'from Grandma'. Much better than spending a fortune on postage, and wondering if they will arrive on time, or at all!

As for the question of what my children's' spouses call me - I have always told them, at the start, to use my Christian name, and they have all felt comfortable doing so.

Rick rack, why did every item of clothing have to have Rick rack?

I love buying my GDs clothes....my sons DD lives with her Mum and she hasn't much money...she puts GD in everything I buy her everytime I see her....with my DDs 2 girls I go clothes shopping with her so its DD that chooses....I also buy school shools every September and winter clothes and boots ....I don't buy any clothes for Xmas or birthdays ever

I like to treat my grandchildren, the twelve year olds I would never dream of buying for.
We usually put some money in their bank accounts, head for the nearest city, and let them go and buy things they like.
Works for all of us.

We bought lots of outfits for newborn GD and never saw her in any of them. She was always dressed in a onesie of some sort, no dresses or nice night things at all even though we deliberately didn't buy pink frilly stuff as we knew parents wouldn't like that sort of thing. Think it all went to the charity shop. As GD grew older we bought more stuff and all of that was worn and enjoyed.

Whenever I've bought clothing for new babies I've always bought with at least 6 months in advance in mind, purely because everyone buys the first size and they can never get any wear or of everything plus you can always put baby in something that's too big, that way they'll get more wear out of things.
I also did this with my own babies, which was a good thing really coz my second was 3wks early and weighed in at 4.93kg (10lb14oz) so first size stuff wouldn't have fitted him anyway.

Same here. And to be honest, I never appreciated my mil getting stuff for my kids. These days I stick to underwear, school uniform or school shoes. Can’t go wrong with that. - obviously after asking what the children actually need.

My MiL made my DD about ten white cotton dresses when she was born - they were pretty but the necklines were far too tight, it was winter, and they needed ironing. I dressed DD in babygros a lot of the time for warmth and convenience, and it severely upset MiL - she would 'pop in' to see what DD was wearing and become very snippy if she wasn't kicking her bare legs and wearing a white cotton dress.

There seem to be so many rules anymore about what you can and cannot do with a grandchild. I swear sometimes it takes the joy. We were just thrilled to get something and to have some babysitting done.

Happycatholicwife
I do agree, there are a lot of rules.
I couldn’t offend one daughter if I tried, but tip toe around the other one a bit!
Her thing isn’t so much what I buy, it’s more about being seen to be scrupulously fair, not always easy as different children have different needs at different times.

The time will come but at the moment with such a young baby mothers prefer (and only have the energy ) to dress them in babygros and definitely non iron clothes. I found with my own daughter that she only started dressing her baby in ‘outfits’ when she got to about 10/11 months

How many outfits can you have bought in four months? I think you are overwhelming your DiL by your understandable desire to lavish presents on your adoted GD. Rein it in and perhaps let your DiL go to a shop with you once in a while, maybe twice a year, and choose something you pay for. Then your GD will probably wear it.

A lot of parents like to buy their own children clothes, but don’t seem to mind you buying toys or nappies, but it’s strange though that your DIL actually picked out things she liked and you paid for them, so it seems she can’t mind you buying things but only the things she likes, I personally wouldn’t bother buying her clothes

What rules?

A few years ago I went with my 3DGC to a local shop, which my DD bought clothes from, and told them they could chose a t-shirt each. They spent a lovely half an hour sorting through them, there was quite a choice. When I gave them to my DD she was relieved to have the receipt. I never buy for that DD’s children.

Clothes buying for other peoples children is a no go.
Over the years I have given the children different styles of clothes. None have been pleasing to their mother.
I know better now. Even if I see something I think is most suitable, I know it will not be what their parents want.
I can’t understand the fashion for babies these days.

For DGD1 I was asked to knit cardigans in emerald, scarlet and navy - so I did. On the whole though I have stuck to paying for big items like school shoes and top coats which was less fun but much more help to the parents, and knitting a “big” after swimming sweater for which the wool cost so much I said never again!

In Germany you can buy clothes donated to charity by the bagful at large warehouses. When it comes to babies and toddlers clothes you can easily fill two plastic black bags full of clothes and shoes for a 14 month old and a just turned 3 yr old for a years wear, all with their prices still on.
When my kids were young ( youngest is now getting on for 60 ) they were fully kitted out with cardigans and jumpers for their first year, before they even got born. Haven’t seen a toddler in a hand knitted jumper for a good 30 yrs or so!!!!! Havnt knitted for grandkids and 14 great grandchildren either. Not after being told knitted baby clothes were “naff “ by my own expectant daughters and daughters in law. !!!!!!! Although a granddaughter did present me with wool, needles and knitting pattern when she found herself expecting a girl after 2 boys. The resulting lacy and very pretty pretty matinee jacket ended up being worn by the cat when that particular great granddaughter was 5.

Rosina

My MiL made my DD about ten white cotton dresses when she was born - they were pretty but the necklines were far too tight, it was winter, and they needed ironing. I dressed DD in babygros a lot of the time for warmth and convenience, and it severely upset MiL - she would 'pop in' to see what DD was wearing and become very snippy if she wasn't kicking her bare legs and wearing a white cotton dress.

What might be joy for a grandparent might be hell for the parent.

No I don’t think any grandparent deliberately goes out of the way to upset their child and grandchild, but I was told often that I needed to do more to please all of the grandparents and do things that made my life difficult. When I refused to make myself miserable for other people I was told I was difficult and I had too many rules and I was stealing their joy. Also that someone needed to teach me how to share.

I err on the side of asking the new parent how I can help. that is what brings me joy - making them happy.

Haven’t seen a toddler in a hand knitted jumper for a good 30 yrs or so!!!!!
You didn't see my DGD then!
Someone knitted for DGD1 so I thought it was time to get out my needles again, at DIL's request. They wore everything a lot until they were about 9 or 10 then the sportswear took over! ?

Not after being told knitted baby clothes were “naff “ by my own expectant daughters and daughters in law !!!!!!!

Knitted and crocheted items are very on trend.