Should I interfere with son's relationship

"I think I would also chat to his girlfriend, just to find out more but without interfering"

Sorry, off I were 'the girlfriend' I would certainly consider any contact by boyfriends Mum as interfering. Leave well alone.

I don't see any harm in OP asking her son if things are OK. I think I would also chat to his girlfriend, just to find out more but without interfering.

I quoted Stiller's excellent response. Didn't mean to imply it was my response. Sorry

Let them get on with it themselves and be there for your son if it doesn't work out well.

No.

As much as the mother would like to think she does, she doesn’t really know the dynamics of her son’s relationship. Her concerns—and they are her’s—are based on her limited perspective as someone outside of that relationship. It’s not a stretch to assume she’s not in the young woman’s confidence about her relationship, so it’s beyond an overstep to presume to be her spokesperson. Adults should leave adults to manage their own personal affairs. Intent doesn’t translate to appropriateness. What you may think is subtle suggestion, these two fully adults may find interfering and intrusive. Erring on the side of minding one’s own business is the best approach to another adult’s personal relationship.

Interfering in an adult's life? Stay outside the glass.

Just to throw another spin on it. How do you not know she’s ok with the way he conducts his relationship, women of today are a lot more independent than our era. Just because you think he should be more attentive towards her maybe it’s not something she desires.

Attend to your own life!

Definitely not. He is an adult...

Best to let him get on on with it. My ex MIL stuck her beak in our marriage so much, at times she made things a lot worse. My ex was 30 when we married, he was an only child and a late baby, she treated him like a 10 year old. If your son makes mistakes he's only got himself to blame and it won't then affect your relationship either.

I wouldn't consider it interfering to ask my son if he was being nice to his girlfriend, and neither would he. He would either give me a serious answer, or make a joke of it. In either case I would only say it once, then let them get on with it.

May not be a permenant relationship, you have no idea of what their expectations are, don't interfere, he may not want the sort of relationship you think he should have.

are you your sons therapist?

doubt this a serious.
who would describe themselves as interfering.
perhaps it's a reversal, to get ammunition to shew to the offender.
or just a wind-up, to see how many outraged grannies OP can rile.

You can't interfere. We always want what is best for our children but they are adults. My son had 3 long-term relationships which failed for reasons which were not of his making. First, too young, at university. 2nd, illness interfered at the beginning of the relationship which subsequently foundered. 3rd, religious reasons. Now he seems to have a lovely partner albeit 6 years younger but they adore each other so fingers crossed this one is for keeps. Keep the faith Greg37

Still think people are overthinking this.
I wouldn’t, and wouldn’t want to involve myself in my sons life, but I think we can have lighthearted chats, and a bit of banter without him thinking I was interfering.

I would absolutely not give unsolicited advice or allude to why things went wrong previously and could potentially now but I don't think it would hurt to speak generally about the things that make you feel special, what his Dad did/does that you really enjoy/ed and how you felt. But tread very carefully and don't make it 'a conversation' rather just mention these things in passing. As someone else said it does depend on your relationship and also what kind of person your son is.

@Sara1954

As much as the mother would like to think she does, she doesn’t really know the dynamics of her son’s relationship. Her concerns—and they are her’s—are based on het limited perspective as someone outside of that relationship. It’s not a stretch to assume she’s not in the young woman’s confidence about her relationship, so it’s beyond an overstep to presume to be her spokesperson. Adults should leave adults to manage their own personal affairs. Intent doesn’t translate to appropriateness. What you may think is subtle suggestion, these two fully adults may find interfering and intrusive. Erring on the side of minding one’s own business is the best approach to another adult’s personal relationship.

Stay out of it - by trying to pull them together you could drive them apart.

Also, they could have a modern relationship and be "friends with benefits" - not your business so leave well alone

eazybee

'Interfere' is a poor choice of word.
I think the mother has watched the son's first marriage disintegrate, and sees similar behaviour from him the second time round,which she fears will cause the relationship to founder.
She has tried subtle advice which the son has disregarded so there is nothing more she can do , other than tell him a few blunt home truths if the relationship does fail.
Perhaps she doesn't want him back home again.

The mother's fears are her business, not her sons's.

She should ditch the "subtle advice" and accept that her son is her son and he is how he is.

If she doesn't want him back home she can tell him that the consequences of his choices are his problem (if it comes to that and they are problematic), not hers.

In short, she should treat him like an adult.

I feel this has been taken way too seriously, if you have a comfortable relationship with your son, I don’t see that the odd comment is interfering,

I absolutely wouldn’t tell him what I thought he should do, I don’t mind anyway, as long as he’s happy he can do whatever he likes.

But that wouldn’t stop me making the observation that maybe he could try a bit harder.

I made a definite decision, years ago, to never interfere in my AC's marriages.

It never helps - they have to make their own choices.?

'Interfere' is a poor choice of word.
I think the mother has watched the son's first marriage disintegrate, and sees similar behaviour from him the second time round,which she fears will cause the relationship to founder.
She has tried subtle advice which the son has disregarded so there is nothing more she can do , other than tell him a few blunt home truths if the relationship does fail.
Perhaps she doesn't want him back home again.

38 x “No” so this is number 39.
Why on earth do you need to ask?

Probably tell you it's his life and he'll do what he wants...Save yourself the grief and let them get on with their relationship...

Worst idea ever (but you knew this). Take quite a few steps back. His age makes the desire to interfere alarming actually. It’s not appropriate. There are plenty of other subjects you two can discuss and bond over.

I will say, I understand that as a parent you just want your son to settle down and have a happy life. Nothing wrong with that, as long as your desire doesn’t start dictating actions and conversation