Feeling upset

Maybe friendship ran its course and it is over?
I agree with welbeck, they are not into you.

Luckygirl3

Bear in mind that you have each other.

I have found as a widow that I am often side lined and I have no-one to go to for a hug.

So true Luckygirl
I asked a couple we used to be very close to, to lunch the summer after Paw died, fast forward four years and I have yet to hear from them again.

Lunch invitations can sometimes be extended to widows but rarely supper invites - not that I much like going out at night. But supper or dinner is a couple’s thing

Its those who want to be with you that matters,not those that dont.
Live your own life.

Thanks for replies- interesting how you all view the situation differently.
Has made me realise it’s not worth fretting over!
Our “Close friend “was the one who told me she’d hosted the others to a lunch! Almost like bragging??
Think this is why I was upset. Maybe I realised a real friend would not be like this.
I wasn’t so rude to say anything about lunches pre covid as I know nothing is set in stone and of course she can invite anyone she likes.

I know Luckygirl I'm in the same boat.
Mind you we didn't have many couples as friends
I have a widowed friend who gives wonderful dinner parties. I was invited when it was "grannies" and "grandsons". The grandsons were her young neighbours: 2 gay couples and the grans were 4 oldies like me and her. It was great fun but I'm ashamed to say I've yet to return the favour.

I am sorry you have been hurt by your friends Suzie I would be annoyed by that too.

MissLemonsLoveChild

Luckygirl3

Bear in mind that you have each other.

I have found as a widow that I am often side lined and I have no-one to go to for a hug.

Sending a virtual hug to you Luckygirl

Gratefully received.

Most of us have been in your shoes. Put the thought of her at the back of a cupboard and befriend someone worthwhile.

Oh Suzie if this happened to me I would be so hurt. I think the best advice on this thread is from timetogo ....... Concentrate on those that want to be with you and don't bother with those that don't!
Some for you to cheer you up!!

It is difficult to know what you should actually do, if anything. I suppose you could invite the "new couple" and the "other couple" to lunch leaving out the best friend, it would be petty but rather fun!!!!

Forget them,don't try and work out their actions you'll only upset each other more.
Be friendly when you see them but don't go over the top and look pathetic. Get on with your own life and you'll soon have more friends you might even find your original friends will find them boring and then if they make overtures to you ,you will have to reaccess if you want their company.
Some people don't make friends easily or are overbearing, they latch onto others.
Good luck be happy together.

Suzie, the other couple moved the goalposts. Originally the ethos of the meetings was mutual companionship for all concerned, and a good idea it was.

It's actually unfair of the other couple to let you down as they did. Most of the replies here indicate that is what people do. It even happens to married couples ! They may not even know they were doing it.

All sorts of things can change friendship patterns. Things like this happen all the time, in all circumstances. Give it a 10 minute moan and then forget it.

Think of all the other things that could have gone wrong in life and do for other people.

True, Monica.

I'd add that people are basically selfish and do what pleases them the most, even if that means hurting someone else's feelings. Loyalty seldom enters into companionships and it's hard enough for some spouses to be loyal.

One thing I have learned since being on my own is that it is important to live for oneself and not through others. I am not saying that people should be selfish, but that they should find ways of recognising their existence as having value and that it does not matter what others think of you if you are true to yourself.

Please try and put this behind you. You have your OH and I am sure many others who value you - concentrate on them and move on from this.

Thank you all for taking time to read my post, exchange your experiences and give advice. Especially the ones that have make me feel better!
Saying “they’re not into you” is rather unkind and there is a saying “if you can’t say something nice (uplifting?) best not to say anything at all”

luckygirl3 I feel the same. I remember being upset overa similar scenario when my husband was alive.

Now, these petty jealousies pale into insignificance when we're not even part of a couple any more, or invited as a singleton because we don't ghave a spouse.

I find, on the whole, that people, in general, are disappointing. A "friend" of mine, whom I'd known for 15 years, stopped contacting me when I was seriously ill in hospital last year. It hurt me very much, but I think she'll end up being lonely

My best friend from five years old stopped speaking to me for a year during covid, because she didn't like the way I said something last time I'd left her house. . In the end admitted it was trivial and told me.
We speak now, but the damage is done. We could have supported each other during that very difficult period.
People are disappointing.

I don’t see it the same way as other people do here.
There’s no reason why couples can’t have different friendship groups which overlap. It would be horrible to think you weren’t allowed to meet up with A+B unless C+ D were always invited. And if new friends come along, then it becomes unwieldy if you feel you have to invite A+B plus C +D in order that newbies E+F can be included.
I certainly don’t feel my mutual friends cannot meet up without me and I wouldn’t want to be constrained in the same way either.
You don’t know the newbies E+F so organise the regular meet up and don’t take it personally.

I can fully understand you feeling hurt. When you have a close group of friends they mean a lot. Not many feel as Wellbeck, off with the old on with the new. It matters. However since being widowed I am not part of the couples we used to socialise with, it was fine at first, but now it’s down to cards, I tried really hard to maintain the friendships but they didn’t want a single woman around apparently.
If you can, put this to rest, a true friend doesn’t treat you like that. I think people have lots of friendly acquaintances, this is what I’ve found since I socialised in a different way, if something is arranged and a better offer comes up, they cancel, so I’ve had to learn not to let it get me down. To be happy in my own company. You have your husband and honestly you don’t need friends like that.

They are simply widening their social circle. You are probably still in it; just not this time! Think Venn diagram - all 4 couples, and more, can interact separately or in any combination. Your life has become richer, not poorer...

Me too Luckygirl. I know exactly how you feel ?

I thought Welbeck's comment was perfectly acceptable.

Let it go and meet new people. X

I would find that upsetting too, but as another poster said - you can’t control other people. The reasoning could be anything but its really none of your business. Let them crack on and you do you. Out of interest, do you ever initiate the plans or organise the get together? Maybe you should then you will definitely be invited ;) xxx