Grandchildren

My daughter lives 3 miles away but I always phone before I go. I have a key and only drop in if I have something to deliver. I often don't see anyone!

GrauntyHelen ??

I am welcome anytime to see my grandchildren but I am expected to check with them first. Apart from being good manners, my DIL is worried I would judge her if the house was a mess so she likes to have a quick tidy up. I think that is fair enough.

I know exactly how you feel Nanine.
I can never drop in on my DIL and her children, but she will 'drop in' at my house whenever she chooses, usually when she wants something.
My daughter's door is always open and I feel welcome there any time.
I think its something to do with the way our own families raised us, so I try not to mind.

My daughter & my son both have keys to my house, as do my grandchildren. No appointment necessary.

We must accept that our adult children and our grandchildren probably have busier lives than us, particularly if we are retired. I never just ‘drop in’ on my daughter and grandchildren. I say to my daughter, just let us know when you’re free for a visit, and I leave it up to them. OP, try not to be sad about the situation - it’s just how life evolves. We don’t see our grandsons as much as we used to when they were little but I always let them know we’re there for them, should they need us. Perhaps, as your granddaughters are growing up, that’s the sort of relationship you should cultivate with them - it’s not necessarily about seeing them frequently, more about letting them know you’re still there for them, in the background. Quality not quantity!

I feel for you but sadly it’s the way things are now. Grandchildren usually have lots of activities etc after school and at weekends. You are not alone. I’m very fortunate at the moment I havnt seen my two grandchildren for over three long years due to Covid restrictions they arrived last Friday after two long flights from across the world. It was extremely emotional and I’m making the most of the next two weeks before they return. It’s tough but so many grandparents are in the same position
Enjoy then when you do manage to get to see them they grow up so quickly

That's really sad. What has happened for their parents to feel like this ?

I have no problems with people just turning up at our home and my son and DIL always say to just turn up, no need to let them know first. Having said that we do tend to keep to the same routine which is a visit on a Sunday morning for an hour or two, but obviously some weekends they are away so we then just skip that weekend. Sometimes my son is out walking the dog when we turn up and just DIL is there, granddaughter is usually still in bed but as she's nearly 15 it's pretty much what we expect. We do have a key but would never let ourselves in unless we had been asked to go feed the fish or turtles they have.
Now I'm second guessing if maybe I should send a quick text before we arrive

you may have all the time to drop in - the kids may have brownies, scouts, after school clubs , Drs appointments, parents that work, do shopping etc. How would you feel if you dropped in and the family was out ?

I am allowed to call when I want, but I'm conscious of how busy they all are so will arrange times. I have called unannounced and been welcomed with open arms. My children and their spouses are wonderful as they always say they want to make time as they don't know how much time they will have with me, I'm only 63. ???

i would never just drop in, the same as i would never want anyone to just drop in on me, i am not seeing my grandchildren as much just now, they are in the middle of moving so don't have the time between work and setting up new house. i usually see the little one (3) every few weeks when they take me out to get shopping, the older one (14) is busy with friends, i will see them both this week as i am keeping an eye on little one as dad is working nightshift and mum is trying to sort out work in the new house. i think some grans forget how busy parents are with work, kids, clubs and trying to keep the house running. you could ask if you can take them for a day out or to spend a day at your house or even a sleep over at the weekend, have you tried asking.

Never have tge problem about popping in. Family lives miles away so arrangements have to be made one usually a visit for a week, another an overnight stay. Surely you can message to enquire if family is free for a visit whenever. You may be a bit envious in that DIL's family seem able to just visit whenever they want, you don't really know how DIL really feels about this, may wish it woujd stop but doesn't have the courage to say no. Appreciate the visits, time you do manage to visit. Checking first is the norm nowadays.

I have never seen my grandson since my daughter cut me off from her life before she had him ! (only discovered by research online !!! One day I may get a disguise just to see what he looks like !! (and in case you ask, yes, she does know how to get in touch with me !) very sad, as I cannot make any provision for him when I die, so at least you DO see your grandchildren .....

ALAN it's so awful isn't it. Haven't seen our eldest GC since he was 8 months old and never seen his brother. Been estranged for over 9.5 years now and doubt I'd recognise them if walked right into them.

They're the only GC we have.

"GC may have brownies, scouts, after school clubs , Drs appointments, parents that work, do shopping etc. How would you feel if you dropped in and the family was out ?"

I don't like intrusions...

sufuller I suggest you begin a new thread on the health forum if you are looking for helpful advice about the diabetes.
Maybe you already have.
I am sorry to hear. It must be a shock.

Don't worry about not seeing enough of your GC. When you do see them, make it quality time. DGD1 remembers the outings and picnics we enjoyed when she was little; younger GC, who lived 150 miles away, remember the great times we had on caravan holidays in France. Now the eldest is a mum with my very beautiful new DGGD; the others are all teenagers, increasingly living their own lives. I'm soon moving to live close to their families, and I've no doubt that they will be knocking on my door to 'drop in on gran' or, in a few years, great gran..

My DGD now has her own phone and calls when she wants to. She complained today that she rang me at 8am and I didn't answer!

What has happened for their parents to feel like this?

They're meeting themselves coming back is what happened! They have much busier, hectic lives than we did. Both of them probably work full time, they have their own homes to run, the children to see to, homework to supervise, after school and weekend activities to ferry them between; they rarely have enough hours in the day to keep every plate spinning. My DC & GC live just minutes from me, very easy walking distance. Even so, I text or ring just to see if it's ok to pop in. They never say no, but I always do them the courtesy of checking.

As well as swimming, football, gymnastics, cricket and more after school, even primary children often have homework. My view is they shouldn’t, until maybe year 6 when a little could help prepare them for high school. But, they do. As others have said, both parents are usually working. Such busy lives. Support, don’t add to the stress

I’m super close to my adult daughter but I wouldn’t drop in without checking first. I wouldn’t mind if she dropped in on me but I think that’s a very common dynamic.

I won’t change my ways when/ if she has children, it’s potentially far more inconvenient.

Very few people drop-in these days. A friend did it twice a few years ago and I was so surprised. She’s nice and it wasn’t inconvenient and I was of course welcoming but I was worried it might become a habit, - because the next time maybe it wouldn’t be convenient and then I’d be really stressed as I don’t like being rude so I’d probably end up inviting her in for a coffee and chat amiably whilst internally panicking about the lesson prep I’d now be doing after dinner instead of getting it finished now.

You are far more likely to have an enjoyable visit if you are expected and invited.

"Dropping by" seems to be a thing of the past. When I was young, people thought nothing of stopping by without calling beforehand. Life seemed to be more flexible and easy going. Just an example, I text my son and dil earlier today to see if my husband and I could come by on Friday at about 4 p.m. to visit with them and our twin grandchildren for a while. The answer was yes. I wouldn't ever drop by - my son made that clear a couple of years ago. Sigh.

People 'dropped by' when women did not go out to work and when we had no means of communicating with the person down the road unless you turned up on the doorstep - or sent them a letter.

Times have changed - as they always do. All the adults in a household work, we have mobile phones and can text and ring.

I also think that we look back on the past through rose coloured glasses. I can remember people just 'dropping by' at really inconvenient times. I can remember people dropping by that one really did not want to see because they were critical, rudely curious, or for a host of other reasons. I can also remember pretending not to be in, if one person came to the door, because once in we could never get rid of them.

Three cheers for people having courtesy and thought for others forced on them by modern technology.

I have 6 grandchildren 2 in Canada 1 in Derbyshire and 3 locally the eldest at 20 pops over to get fed occasionally the 15 year old spends every weekend with us and school holidays . The one in Derbyshire is harder but we try and see her at least once a month and the 2 in Canada it’s down to WhatsApp messaging and FaceTime . We both work full time still but always manage to fit everyone in . Wouldn’t have it any other way and parcels sent regularly to Derbyshire and Canada