Grandchildren

My MIL doesn't drive, she'd check ifnitnwas OK because otherwise it could be two buses each way for wasted journey. She also still did some freelance work so it worked both ways and we would check with her too.

NANINE Does anyone feel like they have to make an appointment to be able to see their grandchildren? Don't feel I can just drop by and say I was just passing.

May I ask how often you "see" your GC? Maybe ask for once every few months to give the tired parents space?

I would never call it 'making an appointment ', but making arrangements is perfectly normal,and
preferable. It's a mistake to drop in unannounced, imho. That way lies trouble!

Henetha, I quite agree. Anappointment makes it sound like a neccessity, like a dental appointment.

So much of what has been discussed, to me, is just common courtesy and thoughtfulness.

I've been dropping in on my grandsons evryday this week because it's the first time they've been left on their own at home. They're 9 and nearly 16. They've been fine but they like seeing me. If I want to see the whole family I always check to see what they're doing because they've always got a lot going on.

Deedaa

I've been dropping in on my grandsons evryday this week because it's the first time they've been left on their own at home. They're 9 and nearly 16. They've been fine but they like seeing me. If I want to see the whole family I always check to see what they're doing because they've always got a lot going on.

Oh Deedaa that’s nice that you’re been popping in to check on them, hopefully they are responsible young men so that you are confident they’ll stay out of too much trouble If there are times where that is questionable, may I suggest one thing: make sure the bathroom isn’t flooded when you go! I have heard far to many stories like that! Some adult comes home to a water park! Those poor floors.

Take care!

Sorry, I meant you’ve, not you’re!

I think it’s generational.

I’m in my late 30s and I think it’s rude to drop in unannounced (even for family). I wouldn’t drop in on my parents or in laws without calling first and I appreciate that they usually show me the same courtesy.

I also think that as women, many of us feel judged/pressure to make sure our home is at a certain level of cleanliness to receive our mothers/MILs. My mother in law once dropped by on short notice. She swiped a surface and asked if I needed help dusting. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to be critical, but it made me very uncomfortable and anxious. She says she’s only there to see the kids, but I know she’s judging my housekeeping.

I also agree with others that a lot of young families have packed schedules and quality time is hard for us to find. So many work long hours and we look forward to quality time with our children. I appreciate grandparents coming to spend time, but the dynamic is different; I usually try to make myself scarce so that they can enjoy one on one time without me hovering/my son automatically running to me instead.

So much of our week is spent running from one thing to the other. We need downtime with our kids, too.

I also think that as women, many of us feel judged/pressure to make sure our home is at a certain level of cleanliness to receive our mothers/MILs.

My jaw dropped when I read this, I really didn't think anyone gave a toss about the state of other people's houses, unless it was really a total tip, or so constantly cleaned and tweaked it was uncomfortable.

M0nica

Yes, some women judge other women for the cleanliness of the home

Oh my goodness, my mother visiting was like hosting the Queen... if my mother was Queen that is

"Urgh VioletSky, it smells like CAT in here"

"Urgh VioletSky, there is a HAIR in your sink"

"Urgh VioletSky, why don't you paint over that tatty wallpaper now to freshen it up if you aren't going to strip it until next month"

"Urgh VioletSky, we dropped by your house this afternoon and you weren't there! Where were you? How can you leave the house with dirty cups in the sink like that?"

Real quotes lol

I have more quotes

"Uggh, so you chose green for your new kitchen. You know I dont like green"

"Your apartment is not good enough for you (aka for my mother). I will pay monthly for another that represents the class where we come from"
Note: those apartments were $5000/month 20 years ago
Note 2: that apartment was fine, it had nothing wrong

I can see the look on her face Hithere

This is why for someone who looks like their mother, I look nothing like my mother... completely different set of wrinkles lol

I also think that as women, many of us feel judged/pressure to make sure our home is at a certain level of cleanliness to receive our mothers/MILs.

When my late mother came to visit, she invariably took it on herself to clean my cooker. The night before her arrival, I would make sure it was spotless, but she still cleaned it. All these years later, it's DS1 who cleans what I previously thought was my hygienically clean kitchen.

I never had a mother or mother in law who commented on the standards of my house care. Had they done so, much as I loved both, I would have politely but firmly seen them off.

Ditto M0nica, nor would I ever be bad mannered enough to pass comment on any one else's home.

My MIL passed comment on my cooking a couple of times but always managed to force down a good portion ?

Be glad of the time you do have with them, I would never drop in on people, just ring first and dont be offended if they have other plans. Their lives are busy. I am estranged like Alan think of them every day. I saw mine first five years before I was cut off. I do envy people with a good relationships with their children and gc.

Since I retired last year my life is really busy so sometimes it works the other way round for me, DD messages to see if I'm free!!!! Through school hols I try to make a point of having GD (9) one day a week so Mum can work in peace, GS now 12 and happier to stay at home so he can see his pals and go skateboarding or whatever.
I sometimes have both together, but have to try and organise something special to entertain them otherwise they squabble!
At weekends they are nearly always busy as a family, seeing friends or out cycling for miles so unless it's "an occasion" I don't often see them then, especially in the summer months.

I'm lucky that they live very close by, I hope when the kids are a bit older they might want to come and see me under their own steam - but they'd better check first to make sure I'm free!