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Mother's move to be closer to family

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jdip Tue 23-Aug-22 14:26:10

I feel very put out any advice please.
My mother in her late 80's with minor memory issues but still active and pretty independent is making 250 mile move to be close to me, her only daughter and my adult children, next week.
We lost my father 18 months ago and she has been tooing and froing since then about this move, at no time have I put any pressure to bear and she made this decision when she was ready. She has lived in the same area for over 30 years and has a dwindling amount of friends and is becoming dependent on those that are left so they are pulling away.
I have been down twice in the last few weeks to help with the packing etc (a 10 hour round trip + hotel stay).
I have asked her to do certain things like empty the freezer and pack small ornaments and clothes, the admin such as utilities cancelling etc. is being done by me remotely as I have POA.
I found out today that she has restocked the freezer and bought other largish items and not done anything herself but demanded that a much put on friend, do some packing. There is still a great deal to be done.
I have to say here, that the notice has even given on current property by mum and she has signed the new contract so move is irreversible now and she is still saying she wants to be here with us.
After heated telephone conversation earlier today I feel like not going down this week and let her manage the removers and the actual move on her own. Am I being selfish and uncaring?

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Razzamatazz Wed 24-Aug-22 11:05:12

I'm 65 and feel very creaky after packing up to have my floors replaced, I don't think I'd have the physical strength in 20 years.

Is it too late to get a packing service for the removal?

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VioletSky Wed 24-Aug-22 11:10:06

You might have a fight on your hands downsizing her

I'd give her a Box, sit her in 1 room at a time and tell her to put things she must keep in it... then busy myself in a different room having a clear out where she can't see. You could always store a few bits you arent sure of for a while to see if she misses them

It's going to be difficult, but if she takes too much it will make her life harder at the other end

Do you like listening to music? Take the means to do that as it might really help

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dragonfly46 Wed 24-Aug-22 11:11:55

A move at this age is traumatic. My parents (my dad was there to help and organise) moved at this age to be nearer me. My mum seemed perfectly happy about it all and loved the bungalow they were moving to.
Unfortunately the bungalow they bought had to go through probate so they lived with me for 3 months.
I thought all was well but the day before the move my mum took to her bed saying her leg hurt.
My dad and I moved their stuff in but it was three weeks before my mum would come down the stairs and go to the bungalow.
Even then she had a few sessions at the physio for her poorly leg me taking her in a wheel chair.
One day she suddenly said to me I can walk into the physio thank you and from that moment all was well but it took 3 months in all for her to adjust.

Be patient she will get there in the end but it is hard.

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