Feeling rather friendless and need help to buck up.

may I suggest you contact your local U3A

Thank you Yggdrasil, I will look it up.

I know how you feel. I seem to have become a maid, only important to cook and wash. And I'm good for lifts too!

Sorry to hear that you aren’t settling in, did you move to be closer to family? Maybe they could help you in your quest for things to do and people to meet?
But come onto Gransnet, Soop has a very friendly kitchen, there is the daily Good Morning thread, being on GN can take up half the day if you let it, and some Grans have meet ups.
Sit yourself down and get the Admin out of the way, you know you will feel better once it’s done. Maybe Go for walks, can you borrow a dog to take out? Or even get one yourself? They are good icebreakers.
I hope you start to feel better soon
Meanwhile here’s some?

There isn’t one nearby unfortunately. I’m afraid I may sound rather defeatist, right now I’m struggling a bit.

It makes real good sense after a busy time and crisis' full on our bodies physically and emotionally go "flump".

All the adrenaline in the crisis time time and you've moved by the sound of it to be near family..huge changes. No wonder you are disinclined to do domestics and alone things at home.

I think you need some "me time" to do things that aren't domestics alone or family helping out.

And you might not even know what those things are yet until you create the space.

This might be difficult to hear for the family

but maybe you could consider cutting down on commitments to them in order to find what is creative or sustaining for you in your new home

...local libraries usually have information about groups, it takes time to get to know neighbours and so on.

(my family have suggested I consider coming up to live in the area, but I am very aware I could not cope if it meant me using all my energy on them)

I’m sorry you’ve had a tough time MrsEBear You are right, you must make time for yourself, and it will help you stay on top of things.

I moved to a new area during early covid. The daily walk was a lifesaver in more ways than one. I don’t have a dog but the dog walkers are often happy to respond to a nice comment about their dog. That way I met a lady who set the ball rolling for me. It’s taken time but I’m now really enjoying meet-ups and walks.

The U3A locally have also been brilliant for me with their daytime groups.

All the best. I hope you can come back and tell us you’re making progress over the next few months.

What about NWR, MrsEBear? They have interesting meetings and often have spin-off groups such as book groups, art or walking clubs. nwr.org.uk/ I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you so much Biscuitmuncher and Oopsadaisy1. I will pull myself out of this hole somehow.

Unfortunately I’ve just had a series of texts essentially prodding me to give my grandson a (long) lift to an activity this morning.

I suggested his dad was welcome to take the car but he doesn’t want to drive back and forth to another town twice…

I have a son with additional needs who’s the same age (they are 8) but wouldn’t be able to do the activity so he’d spend the car journey wishing they could be playing together and we’d have to kill a couple of hours in an unfamiliar town. It’s made me feel almost tearful (apologies). If I had some oomph I’d offer to take both boys out for the day as I have to drive all of us to the same town late afternoon for our Covid jabs. Sorry to go on. I think I may have hit the buffers.

Is there an online community group? If so, it is a way of finding out what is happening in your area.

During lockdown we embarked on a lot of “ life admin”, but quite a few things are left unfinished and until they are, it is a bit of a blockage to doing other things. Why not resolve this next week to get caught up on your admin to get it out of the way?
Take a walk each day, look at community notice boards, you may spot something happening which appeals to you. I hope you succeed.

Thank you so much all.

Oh, that’s not on re your grandson, MrsEBear. It’s your son’s child, he should be the one doing the looking after, and it sounds as though you have your hands full already with your own son.

Sending you a hug, MrsEBear. Please carve yourself out a little free time to wander round your new area and look out for what's on offer. Find out if there are art groups, or knit and natter groups, adult education classes, book groups seeking members, or ??You might find there's one for you. It might take courage to go on your own the first time, but - nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good luck, and keep chatting here: virtual friends can be good fun, too.

MrsEBear you also have an 8yo son with additional needs? No wonder you’re getting exhausted. You do have to find time you can enjoy. Would at least walks outside in green spaces work for you and your son?

You do sound as though you are ready to give something a go and could do with a buddy to go out for coffee with to get you started again. How about a volunteer role, doesn’t have to be onerous you’d be certain to meet folk and d you’d be under no obligation.

knit and natter or call in at your local library, they are trying hard to get daytime groups started. You would be surprised at how many turn up on their own to these groups. Crafting is a good way to get involved in just talking to people. It is a common ground and that is always helpful, something to do and something to talk about

Oh apologies, you really can’t leave an 8 year old. But you are entitled to remind your grown up son that his little brother must be allowed his turn and not available to come along for jaunts for his uncle. Very unfair. Does your son help you with his young brother?

Please please remember you CAN say no!!
No explanation...NO!..
Your life belongs to you.. you have your young son to care for.. your older children are responsible for THEIR children..
Oh they wont like it.. thats tough.. but YOU are the most important person to your young lad... and you need to be strong and healthy and have as happy a life as you can..
When it all gets too much..stop..step back and prioritise yourself...
The family will survive!!!

You know it’s really quite therapeutic to admit to myself and you lovely lot that I’m feeling down.

After tremendous upheaval I’ve managed to create a stable, secure life for my young son.

I’ve said yes to lifts. Daughter and son ‘in law’ don’t realise how depleted I get, they’re both young and fit! All will be well. Socks being pulled up ?, picnic lunch/ snacks for boys being thrown together (both slim and fit but grandson has hollow legs!).

I will try your suggestions when they are all at school next week and who knows perhaps I’ll meet another busy Gran at this morning’s activity.

PS.. sometimes when you put off doing stuff...it becomes a bigger job that it actually is... I am the worlds greatest procrastinator!!.. so I know exactly how that feels... get organised..knuckle down..see it through.. and get it out of the way..
You will feel so liberated AND VIRTUOUS!!
Then come back here and boast!!
Take care of you.x

MrsEBear it was good that you felt able to share your feelings and I am sure many of us have been in your position when they moved. I certainly have when we first emigrated. I joined a lot of things at that time and gradually made friends and many became lifelong ones. Go to things, check them out and sooner or later you will find a group you like. Bookgroups ? Probus ? U3A? Church? Your local council will have lists.

Hello MrsEBear, sorry you are feeling so low. I second the suggestion to find a National Women's Register group. Hope there's one in your area. Because they meet in each others homes it's easier to make new friends. You have not mentioned what part of the country you have moved to. But gransnet members do meet up for coffee or lunch. If you started a Meet up thread for your town you might get to know some Gransneters. I hope your situation will take a turn for the better soon. Wishing you all the best.

Fleur I will challenge you to the worlds worst procrastinator …I am p, I didn’t used to be but I so irritate myself because I always put so much off day by day
Noe on to MrsEBear I m guessing as you have a young 8 year old son, you are not a very old gran Do you work? Is that something you could do in your new area ….work friends are often the best, does your 8 year old go to a special school so that you get ‘you’ time

Going to groups can be good but can also completely destroy you if people are cliquey I have made some good friends just from setting up a conversation in a queue, a bus, a train etc My closest friend made a very good friend from sitting next to her on a coach ride, they ended up going on lots of adventures together
Talk to new people, if you don’t work how about a little voluntary work (if your son has classes or school) do learn to say no to your adult children if your first instinct is that you can’t do something
I hope things pick up for you ?

Please feel free to let off steam here! No-one has any magic wands but we can at least listen.

Do you have any thoughts as to what you might like to do? You do have to find some time for yourself - you have moved to be near your family but that does not mean you have to be at their beck and call all the time. It is probably worth getting that principle established right now before it becomes a pattern.

There will be lots you can do in your locality - you just need to draw breath after the move, which is a major life upheaval, and start to see what is out there. I go to the local school and hear the children read for instance and find that very satisfying - is your son at school in the day time to leave you free for that?