Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Feeling rather friendless and need help to buck up.

(33 Posts)
Cs783 Sat 08-Oct-22 09:00:43

I’m sorry you’ve had a tough time MrsEBear You are right, you must make time for yourself, and it will help you stay on top of things.

I moved to a new area during early covid. The daily walk was a lifesaver in more ways than one. I don’t have a dog but the dog walkers are often happy to respond to a nice comment about their dog. That way I met a lady who set the ball rolling for me. It’s taken time but I’m now really enjoying meet-ups and walks.

The U3A locally have also been brilliant for me with their daytime groups.

All the best. I hope you can come back and tell us you’re making progress over the next few months.

Wyllow3 Sat 08-Oct-22 08:42:43

It makes real good sense after a busy time and crisis' full on our bodies physically and emotionally go "flump".

All the adrenaline in the crisis time time and you've moved by the sound of it to be near family..huge changes. No wonder you are disinclined to do domestics and alone things at home.

I think you need some "me time" to do things that aren't domestics alone or family helping out.

And you might not even know what those things are yet until you create the space.

This might be difficult to hear for the family

but maybe you could consider cutting down on commitments to them in order to find what is creative or sustaining for you in your new home

...local libraries usually have information about groups, it takes time to get to know neighbours and so on.

(my family have suggested I consider coming up to live in the area, but I am very aware I could not cope if it meant me using all my energy on them)

MrsEBear Sat 08-Oct-22 08:41:40

There isn’t one nearby unfortunately. I’m afraid I may sound rather defeatist, right now I’m struggling a bit.

Oopsadaisy1 Sat 08-Oct-22 08:33:42

Sorry to hear that you aren’t settling in, did you move to be closer to family? Maybe they could help you in your quest for things to do and people to meet?
But come onto Gransnet, Soop has a very friendly kitchen, there is the daily Good Morning thread, being on GN can take up half the day if you let it, and some Grans have meet ups.
Sit yourself down and get the Admin out of the way, you know you will feel better once it’s done. Maybe Go for walks, can you borrow a dog to take out? Or even get one yourself? They are good icebreakers.
I hope you start to feel better soon
Meanwhile here’s some?

Biscuitmuncher Sat 08-Oct-22 08:29:39

I know how you feel. I seem to have become a maid, only important to cook and wash. And I'm good for lifts too!

MrsEBear Sat 08-Oct-22 08:24:11

Thank you Yggdrasil, I will look it up.

yggdrasil Sat 08-Oct-22 08:19:18

may I suggest you contact your local U3A

MrsEBear Sat 08-Oct-22 08:13:42

Thank you if you are reading this. I’m not sure this is the right topic area but couldn’t identify a better one.

Like so many people I’ve found last few years very difficult, all kinds of family problems and losses.

Life has settled down from the time of crisis management and I think I might be having a bit of a reaction, I’m feeling quite down in the dumps.

I think my real problem is that, having moved, my only ‘usual’ contact now is with close family and I have very little time and energy outside family responsibilities. I am missing having friends or friendly social contact eg with neighbours and acquaintances in my previous home.

My recents effort to join a daytime class were scuppered (I can’t do evenings).

I need to pull myself together to get some important admin done but seem to be getting anxious about it and there’s always enough cooking, laundry and washing up to give me an excuse to put it off.

Externally I’m doing ok but internally I’m not coping quite as well as I appear to be.