Frightened when I babysit

Absolutely been there with all three GChildren.
Just this week youngest GD fell asleep in the car on the way home. I parked outside their house and moved into the back seat so I could see her and be sure that she was asleep and still breathing. Must invest in one of those baby mirrors for the car!

I think posters above are quite right when they say that the responsibility of looking after someone else's precious bundle is overwhelming sometimes.
As a teacher I used to feel it acutely when taking children on school trips - parents would stand on the pavement and wave the coach off with brave smiles, and I would feel terrified and amazed by the trust they were placing in me.

I completely empathise with how you feel Msdaisy! With our first grandchild, we did a great deal of looking after including overnight as our DD suddenly and unexpectedly became a single parent.
In the very early days I could barely sleep at night if DGD was with us for fear of SIDS. I wish I could offer advice but all I can say is that our granddaughter did reach an age where I stopped the worrying, somewhere around 18 months to 2 years.

Many years ago a younger friend asked me to watch her baby overnight while she was away. I did not want to admit that I was frightened of cot death syndrome which was being publicized a lot back then. She thought me very competent as I had raised two sons. She had a baby monitor in the baby’s room and I lay awake the whole night listening to the baby breathing. I was exhausted in the morning. Never again. So it is quite normal to feel this huge responsibility.

I thought it was me being inadequate, odd and just rusty at looking after kids. I'm so pleased to hear it's a normal thing.

I felt exactly the same when my granddaughters were babies and even now they are a bit older I’m still much more cautious than I was with my own children.

I do understand how you feel, as I well remember feeling the same. You just have to hang on and hope the feelings will pass. And they do as the baby gets a little older. The sheer joy of looking after our grandchildren soon outweighs the fears.
I wish you lots of wonderful times with your granddaughter.

Me too, whether at the parents home or here with me.......seems like a very natural concern. I am also confident that if you discussed this with the babys parents they would admit to having similar fears.
Do try not to worry though and enjoy your time with the little one.

I was always a bit nervous at first, same as with your own newborns- but after a few times you should get used to it and not be so anxious about it, certainly not by a year old..All i can suggest is getting one of the modern alarms which have a sensor you put under the cot mattress which goes off if babys breathing stops?And i would discuss it with your Daughter as she may be able to reassure you as by now im concerned you're still worrying so much about this?At first when baby is quite new, yes probably- but still after all this time time im not so sure.Share your fears, it might reassure you.Im sure after so long the parents arent staying awake night after night looking over her?

Totally understand I feel the same I have a gd she is 3 months I look after her a couple times a week during the day however I am having her overnight in November they are attending a wedding and I'm feeling very anxious and the fact I have 2 other gc and worked as nursery nurse doesn't make me feel any less anxious .

I have a new grandchild to look forward to near xmas- if i have to look after her i will probably check a few times while its early on or if i wake for bathroom etc- but i wont just stay awake the whole night just watching over her the entire night.I suppose it comes with experience.

Sorry meant discuss it with your daughter in law.

I went to babysit my eldest grandchild when he was a few months old as his Mother had PND. I took a alarm pad with me but I also slept in the same room, as I was going to feed him during the night. The first night I thought I was going to die from lack of sleep and anxiety. I fed him expressed breast milk, expressed during the day.
I got into a routine. I washed, cooked cleaned looked after his Father ( who was working) and his sick Mum , who was working). I did it for 5 weeks, day and night. His Mum couldn’t breast feed him in the early morning, because of the anti-depressants she was on.
Every morning i walked half a mile to a cafe and shopped. I had enough time to have a cup of tea in the cafe, before he woke up. I napped during the day, when he napped,
I naturally formed a strong bond with him. I loved him with all my heart and I look back on that time as being a privilege.
My son in law got a bit jealous of my relationship and asked him ( when he could speak) “ who do you love best Daddy or Grannie.” I felt a bit hurt by his question. Luckily my super intelligent grandson said “ I love you both”

I remember one heart stopping moment. I sneaked into my grandsons room in the dark to check on him. I felt for his head and just felt clothing. I thought he'd wrapped something over his face. I panicked and switched the light on only to find he'd turned round and I was touching his bottom. Of course the light woke him up. Just highlighting how we all worry when babysitting.

My first grandson I had from 8 months, 30 hours a week. His longest daytime sleep ever was 35 minutes, with me or at home, but even so I hovered over him when he slept. I was so relieved when he got to the age where cot death was most unlikely.
I looked after his cousin from 1 year for 4 days a week and was even more nervous as he slept far more and I had him from 7 to 7. I had a baby monitor kept as loud as possible and checked if I couldn’t hear him.

I’ve always been a bit of a ‘What if….’ kind of person and have to try to chase anxious thoughts from my head. I think it’s natural and it didn’t stop me experiencing great joy with him and a wonderful relationship with both boys now.

Good luck to you Msdaisy and may the joys outweigh the fears.

I understand, it’s exhausting looking after your own GC. Feel the weight of responsibility so much. Could go on a paediatric first aid course, then if the worst did happen you’d no what to do.

It's understandable to feel some concerns. I have vivid memories of bringing my baby grandchild here for the first sleep over. I stopped several times to check the car seat was secure and that they were breathing. A decade on and I still stand by the bed when I get up at night just to check . But not anxious more of a comfort to me. It gets easier. Enjoy x

You should feel reassured by now that your fears are perfectly normal, Msdaisy! It’s a big responsibility being in charge of those precious babies. One of my DGS had to have his adenoids removed very early - until then he used to breathe really noisily, then stop for what seemed like forever before taking another run of loud breaths. Thank goodness I never had him overnight when he was tiny. When we babysat for an evening I’d sit up by his cot timing the pauses….what good I thought that did, I don’t know!

Another DGS had reflux and was sick all the time. He had a few bad choking episodes so I was on pins when I was in charge at feeding time. Thankfully he’s a healthy hulking 2 year old now and I can stop panicking!

Theres a worry yes- but absolutely no need for any parent or grandparent to stay awake all night when these baby breathing monitors are on the market- its an item thats been out for around 20 years- they used to be very pricey but not so expensive these days- and more sensitive than they used to be.If its still a constant worry invest in one.Its a peace of mind and you'll be able to sleep.The parents may even have one already at home? Discuss these fears they may go buy one just to reassure you.Theres a few on the market these days.Didnt always have them back in the day but a bit of checking combined with common sense should prevail.

You’re not alone in thinking extreme thoughts - I’m a mum of 4 grandma of 2 and worked with young children and still have a few nerves babysitting. It’s a big responsibility - what I find helps is challenging those negative thoughts and thinking more positive ones, and letting the thoughts come rather than pushing them away as I find you think about them more then. Face them head on and dispute them, then replace them with better thoughts. Don’t ignore them as they’ll be the elephant in the room then. Have you seen the Disney film ‘inside out’ - think of them as in your mind battling it out and give those bad thoughts a name - and the rest telling them to do one! May help!!

I remember my mum telling me that she once woke me up in the night because she thought I had died. I was her first and she was not experienced, and dad was away at the war. She was so relieved when I started crying.

I’m
Another gran who worried about grandchildren when they were asleep. But I added another worry to the list, I was terrified I would drop them! The fear was real and deep and spoiled my enjoyment of those special cuddles. Yet I’ve never dropped a baby in my life! I think it’s normal to worry about these things when looking after grandchildren. They are so precious and not yours. My youngest grandson is two. His parents are pretty laid back. Now a days if he is climbing on the pouffe or the sofa he looks at me with a big grin because he knows I worry he will fall lol. So try not to worry, but if you do know that it will pass as dgc gets bigger.

As you can tell, most of us felt the same way when looking after our beloved Grandchildren. We must be programmed to feel that way !

I felt more confident as my Granddaughter grew a bit older. You will too. All the best.

Yes, agree with above, anxious time but a lovely time, not to be missed. it soon passes.
Enjoy this privilege while you can.

We moved in with our daughter to help with her first child for 3 years when she went back to work as 'dad' wished no involvement. The most stressful times for me were driving the wee one to and from nursery. I clearly remember driving with my shoulders level with my ears because of tension. DH was a magnificent support in his role as chief play follower and cook. I remember vividly having my confidence shattered after being roundly told off for swaddling our very new DGD on her first day home as we were taught in the 70's... DGD was nearly 10lbs and had had a traumatic birth via emergency caesarian. I felt she needed the security. Ten years later: swaddling is back in fashion, I gather.....

Think we all have fears something Is going to happen but i actually bought one of them pads that if baby lays on and stops breathing a noise would alert me. I bought them one too lol because end of day your children are gifts but grandkids are rare diamonds and you will do and give them anything. I got text off my granddaughter last night saying nanna I really need your help. My mind went into overdrive as she’s couple hundred miles away and it was only to save her photos on her new phone lol she is 11.