Feeling confused

Sometimes in a group of three one will feel left out and put someone else down to make themselves feel better. This is not a friend.

You can either find new friends, tell the person how it makes you feel or do nothing and nothing will change.

'A joke is only funny if both people find it so. I don't find your comments amusing.' Definitely say this. If she continues, avoid her and refuse to go shopping again.

I am an only child and always wanted sisters I thought it was lovely having two friends that had become like sisters for me. She's very good at embarrassing me in front of people too, she said You need to start dressing in more fashionable clothes you dress like an old woman. A lady standing beside me in shop whispered to me with friends like that who needs enemies.

This woman is super toxic to you she is ruining your self esteem. Your taste in dress is absolutely up to you no business of hers, as well as being mean she has no basic manners.

If you feel brave enough I would definitely call her our bullies don’t like it when you do that

She sounds absolutely horrid,Lilliesmum. I wouldn’t bother with her at all. Nasty pasty. I’ve come across people like this and she probably won’t change. Ditch her.

It’s your call, you’ve the power to walk away from this.Tell them why before you do.

Nasty pasty 🤣

Don’t allow anyone to put you down and don’t excuse their ignorant behaviour. I would put this so called friend in her place no hesitation. I assume you are not like me you are probably far more polite and tolerant. Just back off when invited for lunch shopping or whatever. Respond when asked that you have other things to do or other arrangements made.

Don’t let this woman get the better of you as you don’t need company like that. Occupy your mind maybe studying on line it’s very rewarding. You will soon meet other people if you join local activities even going for a walk if you are physically able.
Even enjoy your own company with a hobby rather than be in the company of someone who does not deserve you as a friend.

You don't need a friendship like that. I would rather have no friends than be with someone that makes me feel rotten about myself.
I had a group of friends which I would of gone out with after I left my horrible marriage, that was until one of them started picking and picking at me every time we went out. Seriously, I thought my ex was a bully until this woman started. Two of the other woman and I actually started making excuses not go out in her company because they saw what she was doing to me. We now have our own group and we go out once in a while and have a great time together. I actually spend more time with my dog than people now. Please don't take it from her, she's not worth your time.

if she suggests another meeting, by text or email, reply:
sorry no can do, am going out with a group of
old women who wear dowdy jumpers. byeeeee

yr daughter is right. shake the dust from yr feet.

Perhaps if you were feeling very brave you could answer…Better than no manners!

Do you think she is deliberately trying to wind you up and push you out? Could she be jealous of your friendship with the other person and does the other friend ever hear or say anything about her nasty comments? I’d drop her and if she asks why tell her straight that you have had enough of her bitchy comments, she is undermining your confidence, you’re better off without friends like that?

Three is a problematic number, when one of that number is trying to get a "one special friend" for reasons SachaMac describes. The will use tactics to try and get one of the remaining two "just for them" and it feels like that a happening here.
I'd ditch them and see if the "nicer one" of the two tries to get in touch.
How aware the "nicer one" is of these tactics is another matter. the nasties are often very subtle as in "but she was only joking".

It depends how much energy you really want to spend on them as opposed to making some new friends. For example, you could actually do stuff like voice record a coffee session and so on (because a confrontation often results in, "but I didn't actually say that and you have proof") or make a note of each nasty things she says. But is it really worth it? Leopards don't change their spots.

If this behaviour is relatively new from this lady its possible something bad is happening in her life and she's taking it out on others - but again, is it worth the effort for you to try and find out?

Walk away - with friends like her, who needs enemies ?

It is an odd thing, friendship. I have two female best friends. We got together when we first came to this area from elsewhere when we had very young children.

All of us came from quite far away. Each of us had a sister but our sisters not here and we became each others sisters. For instance, I could go round to see one of my friends and say "I'm having a dinner party. You're not invited but could I borrow your big dish?"

This was in the 1970s and none of us worked until our children started school. For two years when we each had one child at primary school and one child at playgroup we each had a "day off" when one of the three of us looked after the toddlers so the other two could do other things. It was brilliant I used to go to art classes and swim.

When the mother of one of my friends died suddenly, I dropped everything and drove my friend a hundred and fifty miles whilst our other friend looked after all the children. We didn't have to ask her. We knew she would do it.

Over the years we have weathered many storms and changes in our lives. We all had different types of marriages. One got divorced, then her ex-husband remarried. We spent a lot of time with her at the time of the separation. The other two of us are still married but have quite different types of marriages. One, a marriage where they have spent quite a lot of time apart but are still together, whilst I am in a very close relationship which has lasted since our teenage years. We all went on holidays together before the divorce but since then the five of us have had many holidays together.

We three old ladies still live close by but can go weeks without any contact. My OH is my very best friend but my two female friends are always there for each other as I am for them.

When she does it again, tell her to STOP very loudly, then tell her you will not be insulted because of her inadequacies.
Tell her she is spiteful and must have as low opinion of herself if she needs to insult others.

You are more patient than me OP, as I would not tolerate anyone being vindictive about my appearance. Do as your daughter suggests, find new friends and dont bother to find out what makes her tick. No excuse at all for that behaviour.

I think some of these saddos just want to see how far they can push you. I’ve a ‘friend’ like this. Depending on the circumstances I’ll ignore or challenge the comment. When I’ve been sharp with her she is as nice as pie (although I don’t get an apology). I agree with the poster who said three friends together can cause two ganging up on one…..childish of course. All in all unless the woman is positively contributing to your quality of life in some way, follow the advice to drop her.

A three way relationship can work but only if you all want it to.

‘I’m only joking’ the favourite excuse of the bully.

It isn't even a joke what a bitch

Theexwife

Sometimes in a group of three one will feel left out and put someone else down to make themselves feel better. This is not a friend.

You can either find new friends, tell the person how it makes you feel or do nothing and nothing will change.

That is so RUDE!.

Walking away sounds good. You will eventually resent meeting that difficult person and get an inferiority complex. It reminds me of work and horrible colleagues. Difficult to get out of that! Now retired I am choosy with my acquaintances.

Goodness, until I read the comment about dressing like an okd woman I thought perhaps telling the 'friend' you didn't appreciate her comment would hopefully stop her horrible comments. Don't think so, almost a vendetta against you. Just withdraw from contact. If the 3rd member of the group asks why you are no linger meeting up etc tell her you are fed up with the other's derogatory comments about your appearance/how you dress. If either are true friends they will (1) either apologise or (2) the non offender will recognise how vindictive the other is and support you.

Oh she’s plain rude, that’s no friend walk away