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Feeling upset by text messages

(60 Posts)
nanna8 Tue 31-Jan-23 08:21:10

No it wouldn’t and doesn’t worry me. I do it myself quite often though I usually reply eventually if it is a friend. A bereavement is different,though and that I would acknowledge asap.

MerylStreep Tue 31-Jan-23 08:02:02

If I hear a text come through and I’m doing something I’ll think: it’s not important, I’ll look at it later, then forget.
I wouldn’t get upset about sending a text that someone didn’t answer.

LRavenscroft Tue 31-Jan-23 07:50:06

If we stop and look through the eyes of other people, those things that are of great importance to us may not be to other people. A friend had a go at me last week for not replying instantly to her text. I keep my phone on silent and was having my lunch at the time. I only picked the message up later. Not acknowledge a bereavement is thoughtless, but there again if the person who passed away was well known to your friend, perhaps a telephone call would have been more appropriate. I would never text that someone had died and only use texting for immediate & short messages which don't contain emotional content. We are all different and we all have different levels of expectation. Why not try to focus more on your own interests and activities and try not to let yourself be too influenced by other people's responses. They too have there 'worlds' and perhaps are going through unseen difficulties, especially in later life.

lemsip Tue 31-Jan-23 07:46:04

you are over thinking it. was the family bereavement in immediate family or extended family..

my condolences to you.

argymargy Tue 31-Jan-23 07:43:45

It’s not just you, Palmtree. People have so many ways to send & receive messages now, and can often forget. I wonder whether the bereavement one was a case of the person not knowing what or how to reply, leaving it until they had more time to think, then forgetting, then feeling bad that they’d forgotten etc etc

fancythat Tue 31-Jan-23 07:40:02

I think there is quite a difference between close friends and those not so close. They are often not so close for a reason.
Having said that, and assuming this particular friend isnt adverse to texting, it was rude of her I think.
I wouldnt cut her off though for one non reply. She may have her own reasons going on for not replying, possibly.

BlueBelle Tue 31-Jan-23 07:29:38

I m really sorry you are having an upsetting time losing a loved one

I think texting about a bereavement that means a lot to you is a bit of a casual way to do it Now that’s not a comment against you but I find texting very hit and miss some people read them and think I ll do that later and forget I always answer texts straight back but not everyone does I have a very very dear friend and we have a lovely friendship but she’s absolute rubbish at answering back I get an answer about a week later if I m lucky but I know she would drop everything to help me if I needed her
Although I use texting a lot if I was upset over something I would use the phone itself
Take care and don’t lose hope just don’t text about important things

absent Tue 31-Jan-23 07:13:03

I fully understand your distress. A bereavement is always a major upset in anyone's life. Unfortunately, people are casual about text messages. Sometimes it seems like people have lost contact with reality and this is a sad reality for you. Casual reading, whatever the text message and not bothering to reply seems quite common. Please accept my condolences for your loss. Of course, once upon a time, we all wrote a letter of condolence or, at the very least, sent a card once we heard the sad news. Sadly, it doesn't happen much any more.

Kim19 Tue 31-Jan-23 07:09:42

Perhaps your expectations are too high or you have more free time than those you communicate with? I experience the same but it doesn't bother me too much unless I require a fact confirmation (such as a date or time). I'm aware I have more time on my hands than many who seem to be so busy nowadays. I think maybe the texting system in itself has encouraged us to believe in instant response. Contrary to what we see around us, we're not all physically joined to our mobiles (thank goodness!).

Palmtree Tue 31-Jan-23 06:56:14

I wonder if others ever feel upset by text message replies (or rather the lack of them) from friends and family. I always try to answer any I receive quickly and thoughtfully. However I am not always getting the same treatment in return and wonder if 'its just me' or if others have experienced similar problems. I have been particularly upset recently about 'no reply' when I texted someone I thought of as a friend to tell them about a bereavement in my family. I thought it was very unkind not to receive a reply or card, just nothing. Leaves me a bit in limbo about whether I should even contact that person again. I have also lost contact with others who haven't bothered to keep in touch. I do have some close friends and my husband says I am a very kind person, so may be I am just over thinking this. I just wonder what experiences others have had.

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