Safeguarding Concerns - what happens after one is reported.

I'm so very glad that MH have been brought in, thank goodness!

Yes, its a case by case.

BTW, this is an interesting mums net discussion on the issues,
it covers whether the police can proceed without the victims consent.

But this was a violent/physical attack. Statements and evidence on coercive abuse are a lot harder to pursue as they really do require the victims co-operation as to incidents, what was said or threatened, mobile phone evidence, and so on.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters/4668872-made-a-statement-but-dont-want-to-press-charges

I am happy to speak to the police anno. DN was seen by the Mental Health and abuse team yesterday and seems to have taken on board their advice. She refused to talk to the police. Not sure where that leaves us.

Her father thinks it's all sorted now!

kiitty, I hope someone will report this situation to the police. If the hospital don't, would you consider doing this? I know that safeguarding is growing in importance with the Police Service and in your local police station, there may be a DI with this responsibility.

No one can tell you Kitty but if your niece is at least spoken to by the hospital social worker she may be referred on for help and support , that is if that’s what she wants.

Can anyone tell me - will the hospital report to the police?

Yes. It’s so difficult isn’t it MerylStreep. Especially for any children

DN has been going back for years, presumably since they got married over 30 years ago.

I don't know who to be crosser with - her husband or her father.

And then they go back after 2 years as my mother did.

Thank you, ga. I know you haven't been well either. Hope you are doing OK.

I think mental health support would be good kittylester but hard to get atm, and again, she has to "own" a problem to ask and if she is afraid end consequences will be "alone" she might not engage.

The more posts we get I'm inclined to feel if she sort of feels people are pushing her to a feared aloneness...... then the very best offers you can make to her is "'I'll always be at the end of a phone for you", nice birthday cards, low key little emails or texts on everyday matters so she knows in fact someone is there in an unthreatening way even if she cant "use" that for now.

kitty I’m sorry to hear you’ve been/are unwell. Sending hugs to you. 🤗

Unfortunately the remedy for your niece is in her own hands and as Iam has pointed out, it takes a great deal of courage and often repeated attempts before women make the decision to leave an abusive partner.

downtoearth, thank you for posting your experience. I hope you all stay safe and well.

kittylester, I can’t add anything to the sensible advice from others here. It seems your niece has been given good advice and supportive opportunities but isn’t in a place she can take them.

The police are usually very good in these situations, not always but usually. Support services are stretched but the key thing is your niece isn’t ready to make the difficult decision. Last time I looked at the research, women returned an average of 28 times Can you find out if her area has The Freedom Project? A great course x

for being a lovely caring aunt. Just keep on reporting.

You are right Wyllow, she is scared of being alone and, predictably, has no friends of her own.

Now that the children have grown up, ie safeguarding children is no longer an issue, if the police have offered to prosecute and she has refused, they can't pursue it.

Callistemon21 I to had lovely support from Ds and DiL (abusive ex is not Ds's father). but it is often a lonely and scary road to go down to call them out. Its recent so is still an issue and I am afraid of him still, tho managed the divorce under the new rules....and if you loved them "despite" you have to face grief and loss

and our O/P niece may be afraid of many things including being alone, yes, despite all..

I agree with others kittylester if you are not well yourself do what you can but sadly sometimes that is all we can do x

but downtoearth you poor soul to have to live with that so long.

Kitty hospitals have their own social workers who after talking to patients will refer on if necessary. It sounds like your dn is so beaten down she has lost confidence in herself and would benefit by psychological help but she needs to agree to it.
Might it be worth contacting hospital SW who are on the spot and can get involved straight away.
You are doing your best, please remember it’s up to your dn, and you need to take care of yourself.

If you attend a church or are near one there will be a poster displayed ( it is blue and yellow in our diocese) with details ( name, email address, phone number )of the local diocesan safeguarding officer. They might be able to advise you how to get help quickly. It does not matter if you are not a churchgoer. They will help anyone, of any age, who might be deemed vulnerable.

I am hoping that someone will do something while she is stuck in hospital calli.

Ostrich is not one of the words that I have heard dh use.

My DGD and I are still under police protection 19 years after,we had to move 150 miles away to avoid him knowing our whereabouts.

Kitty you havent upset me,I hope your niece can find the strength to leave,and support and help is available for her.

kityylester until she finds the strength to break away, any help you may give will be futile.

Perhaps she needs help from a psychologist or psychiatrist to help her realise this is not how her life should be, this is not normal.

Thank goodness someone dear to me managed to break away from a physically abusive husband although he and his new woman subjected her to more years of emotional abuse.
It's not easy, your niece's sense of self-worth must be rock bottom if this is what she thinks she deserves.

You've not been well yourself, kittylester so perhaps you may have to accept she can't be helped unless she decides for herself this is not the way to live. It will cause stress whatever you decide.

Her father needs to stop being an ostrich.

💐

downtoearth

The more people who report an issue and express concerns about an individual the better, it simply serves to strengthen their case.

chocolatelovinggran, she is not our daughter but DH's niece.

Her sons are all over the age of 18 and two of them seem to have inherited their father's genes. And, his father had a reputation for dv too.