I’ll probably never be a gran…

You accept it by making yourself realise that your children are adults and make their own decisions.

By realising that all children ought to be wanted and that nowadays responsible adults make sure that they are. Those who are in doubt that they will make good parents prevent parenthood.

If you like, you could look into the possibilities of sponsering a child somewhere in one of the underprivelidge countries of the world, or contact the children's dept. of your local social services to ask whether they have a scheme for "bonus grandparents".

Or you might want to help out one or two days a week in a kindergarten.

I would have liked grandchildren but realised some years ago that it wasn't on the cards. I volunteer at our local museum arranging and carrying out holiday activities for school-children. I am in touch with young families this way and can enjoy it - and it is much less tiring than being a "real" gran or great-grannie as I most certainly can hand the children back to their parents or teachers at the end of the day.

Try to accept and enjoy what is good in your life. I know it is hard. I had one child. My daughter doesn't have children because of illness. It was what she most wanted. I am sad for her rather than me because she is a lovely daughter, the best thing in my life and I would have liked her to have the same love and support she gives me after I am gone. But I try to turn my mind away from sadness and pain. Sometimes when you are feeling very miserable it helps not to push it down but to express it though and then you can feel a bit better. You might still have grandchildren. My school friend has just had a lovely little first grandson and we are both seventy six. You could perhaps enjoy some other peoples grandchildren.

Have they met their life partners yet? My daughter was mid 30s, swore no children, and now has a wonderful 3 year old. Unless your children are beyond child bearing, nothing is definite. However, you can live a great life without children. Maybe volunteer at your local primary school?

I am lucky that I have grandchildren - a boy and a girl - one from each daughter. My elder brother has a son and a daughter neither of which want a family. He lost his wife, (my sister in law) and he has realised that there won't be grandchildren for him to love.
My other brother has no children so he won't have any either.
It seems quite sad.
It may change - I hope so.

We have 2 adult children with no interest in having kids of their own too Enidd. I have found it hard.
We lead busy lives and of course have family time with son and daughter, but I do feel sorry that they wont experience the joy of being parents, or indeed grandparents. We live just three miles up the road and could have been real hands-on grandparents, with all the joy that can bring.
When there was still hope (due to my DDs age) I used to get so upset I sometimes couldnt sleep and absolutely dreaded all my friends showing me photos of the latest newborn. Now I know it wont happen its easier, and as my friends grandchildren grow up they seem to be a bit less besotted. At one time no friends ever visited because they were all busy with young grandchildren. I understood this, but struggled with feeling as if we were missing out.
I think I have accepted the decisions my children have made, but I do still feel sad about it, although I would never say that to them.

Enidd - be happy with what you have, your own adult children. And if you really do want little children in your life there are various ways you can do that like volunteering at a local play group for a couple of half-days a week, or listening to primary school children reading in class. Good luck.

Not interested in other peoples photos of grandchildren either. There does seem to be a near obsession with them which suggests that some people have little else to talk about. I dearly love my grandchildren but am equally interested in my own children.

Although I am a grandmother to a wonderful five year old gd who my DH and I love dearly, I would never have pressurised my dd to have children. I was previously married and my ex MIL made my life miserable by going on and on about us having children, she even wrote me a letter once telling me that it was my duty to give her grandchildren! I was very much a career girl at the time and never felt that I wanted children. Then my marriage broke down and I married a wonderful man and had our dd. Therefore Enid don’t give up hope but, for goodness sake, don’t pressurise your children, they won’t thank you for it.

I have 4 children and 4 grandchildren but the falling birthrate in Europe is alarming. My AC seem unconcerned with that fact they aren't putting 2+2 together.
The OP is right to feel sad on many levels. Who is going to service their lifestyles as they age?

For various reasons I do not think I will ever be a grandmother. I loved being a mother myself but I do not have much desire to be a grandmother. I enjoy my job and want to work well in to my 70s (for financial reasons too) and now I only work part time I have started new hobbies and interests that I am loving.

Don't give up hope! My daughters were 38 and 43 when they each had a child, I am loving being a grandma!

Going by Gransnet so many grandmothers spend their lives looking after their grandchildren.
I was a grandmother when I as 46 and though lived near didn’t make them the priority in my life. My daughter in law didn’t go out to work until they were all at school and then was school secretary.
My husband and I spent the winters in Spain. One woman asked “what about the grandchildren?” My reply “they have their parents.” Then what about my hairdresser? My reply that they do have hairdressers in Spain.
When a child my grandparents lived only a tram ride away but we only saw them three or four times a year.

I wanted children but despite many and various attempts we were not lucky enough to have any. Then we adopted my son. So I went through all the various levels where people think they have the right to ask why you have no children, and some even talked about how selfish people were who put careers before children etc. There were lots of painful times when we were hoping to have a child of our own and people would be showing all their pictures and talking about their grandchildren, with no thought that we might find this difficult, but I was not prepared to discuss my personal life with just acquaintances etc and so just had to cope with it. That two way situation, when I was very happy for friends as they became pregnant and had children, but at the same time was very sad in my own situation. Then when we adopted my son, it amused me when people would comment on how like my husband he looked and how his eyes were like mine. He no doubt copied some of our traits but of course no blood relationship. So he is absolutely my son and I have a grandson, which is lovely, even though they live quite a way away and I dont see them as much as I would like. So my overall view is that you have to make the best of things as they are. If you are keen to be involved with a family, you may have a friend where you could become a grandmother figure in their lives. I have known several women especially , who were sad that their parents were dead and they had no older family. You may find some voluntary work with children where you may find a lot of pleasure in being involved in their lives. Dont forget that you are not guaranteed to like people just because you are related to them. You can choose your friends! In the meantime enjoy being able to do things that you enjoy as and when it suits you and to be able to arrange to see friends etc whenever. These days with the economic situation, I know many grandparents are committed to helping their families on a regular basis now, where it is now not a matter of choice as and when but the need for a regular help. This can be quite a burden if the grandparent feels tired or not too well. Meeting up as and when it suits you all is not the same as that need to be there 3 days a week or whatever. Of course they are glad to help but it can be a bit of a burden,. Just playing a bit of the devils advocate, and hope it might put a bit of a different slant on things.

When my son married, my DiL told me (at 35) that she didn't want children because HER mother didn't want to be a grandma! (she was a very young mum). I was quite upset as my son is my only child but figured they must have talked it through before marriage and it was their joint decision. At 40, my DiL suddenly seemed to realise that her "biological clock" was ticking and, happily, became pregnant almost immediately. One GC arrived when she was 41 and the second at 43 so I was delighted. Now, ironically, she is stressing that she will never see grandchildren herself. I just smile and think what goes around, comes around. You just never know what will happen in life.

Grandmagrewit

When my son married, my DiL told me (at 35) that she didn't want children because HER mother didn't want to be a grandma! (she was a very young mum). I was quite upset as my son is my only child but figured they must have talked it through before marriage and it was their joint decision. At 40, my DiL suddenly seemed to realise that her "biological clock" was ticking and, happily, became pregnant almost immediately. One GC arrived when she was 41 and the second at 43 so I was delighted. Now, ironically, she is stressing that she will never see grandchildren herself. I just smile and think what goes around, comes around. You just never know what will happen in life.

That is an incredibly snarky comment. You sound delightful. My only daughter has made her decision not to have children and I am 100% in supporting her in this. The chronic state of the planet and society is enough reason to say 'No way would I bring a child into this world.'

Like everything else, there is no ‘one size fits all when it comes to families. I expect Enidd has a full life that contents her in many ways, but she has expressed sadness and asked for advice on how to accept her situation. In my view that’s an approach that reflects on her willingness to acknowledge her feelings and find helpful ways of dealing with them.

💐 for you Enidd, because sometimes it’s okay to feel a little bit sad and say so.

2DS no children likely but I think of how exciting their lives will be euth no ties or the expense and the worry!! That we had with them. I love them to bits but I'd rather they were happy than anything.

I have two adult offspring and my daughter was desperate to have children - one pregnancy ended suddenly and she decided not to pursue further pregnancies due to a genetic condition within our family - I absolutely support her in this decision and know how hard it was for her to give up this hope. I was devastated for her, and for me as it was my dearest wish to have grandchildren - It took a long while to get over the loss, but life goes on and I try to share other’s joy in their grandchildren - but there is always a pang of grief.

I would have been sad not to have DGC so I feel for Enidd
One of my DS and his DP were together for 20years before they announced they were expecting a baby. We were amazed and delighted!
He is now 11 and a joy. He lives the other side of the world so sightings and cuddles are rare.
I have nearer DGC so am lucky but now I am a widow there is noone to share the pride and joy.
I may be guilty of showing my df the photos. I enjoy theirs too

I was just saying (well, chat with neighbour, yesterday, in fact) that a friend was completely obsessed with her kids - totally in love with them - always on call and putting them first. Her neglected husband left, of course. Later, the obsession included each grandchild, as they arrived. It was her only interest and topic of conversation.

Yes, I do love my kids and grandkids but I have my own life and interests, I'm not too involved or overly interested, they're not my responsibility, after all. My life would still be complete without them. They're a bonus, not a necessity!

We do not have the joy of seeing our children or grandchildren as they all live far away on another continent. We see 2 of them on a screen sometimes and the others occasionally. It is very sad, as I love little children and would have really enjoyed time with them. It’s something that has to be accepted and lived with, appreciating that all are healthy and happy without us. They have great jobs and lifestyles (and the other sets of grandparents), but, boy, do I long for them every day

Not sure how old your children are but many couples have children much later than we did. A number in their 40 s have suddenly become parents fir the first time.
When I had mine I was an old first time mother at 27. Certainly was older given most of the others in the ward were still teenagers or early 20 s.
I didnt think i would have grandchildren, but in my early 60 s I was. A friend and husband became g/parents at 77. They get a lot of pleasure from their two without the expectation of regular child care. I am very happy fir them.
Best not to think about it too much, but hope you get a lovely surprise one day.

One of my son's became a father at eighteen. He lived with his girlfriend for about four years after the birth but they did split up a couple of times during that period. They have been apart for over two years and he is in a relationship with another girl now. I could probably count the times I have seen my grandchild on less than both hands. I have never fallen out with my son but he has always struggled with relationships and expressing emotion. To be honest the only time I saw him regularly was when I bought him a house! Whilst it is sad that I have a very distant relationship with my son and no contact with my grandson I accept that it is how things are. On the other hand I am close to my other son who has always been the polar opposite of his sibling. I hear from him several times a week, see him regularly and I am part of his child's life. Not being a grandparent isn't the end of the world and even if your own children decide not to go down the parenthood path there can be immense joy in being a godmother, auntie, etc. As I learned with my older son the fact he became a parent did not mean I was part of my grandchild's life.

I thought I would never have grandchildren. My son is adamant he doesn't want them. My daughter married a man who had a vasectomy. The marriage didn't work out and she fell pregnant by accident with her new partner at 35 years old. We now have a beautiful grand daughter. Miracles can happen!

If you dont have any children/grandchildren you can take pride in the fact that you have not selfishly added to the carbon burden of the planet.