Is this a life?

Narnia, you are as "productive" a person as your husband. The fact that you are not paid for the work you do for members of your extended family does not mean it is not as valuable as any work other people get paid for.

Never forget that.

Since you often feel exhausted, perhaps you need to do less work for other family members and do things – like what elegran suggests – that are for yourself and that help you make friends with others. I think it would raise your spirits.

Elegran, all you posts here are wise and very spot on and not just applicable to the OP

karmalady

Elegran, all you posts here are wise and very spot on and not just applicable to the OP

Absolutely agree. And what elegran has said totally resonates with me x

Can you cut back on the childcare? A lot of Grandparents I know agree to this and then realise it’s not really what they want to do.

We have a property we let out for holidays and visitors book maybe 3 days and tell me they wish they could stay longer but they are committed to childcare duties. I hear this time and time again.

As others say, you need to be doing things YOU want to do having brought your own children up. There are some really interesting voluntary jobs out there, not just working in charity shops but befriending people, working outside in country parks, advising people about benefits, Supervising young people with special needs to use public transport, working in National Trust houses behind the scenes …. And all of these will get you out and meeting people.

sounds like you are being taken for granted;
by your husband, in running the home and making a comfortable domestic setting for him,
and by your daughter in doing long hours of unpaid childcare.
why should your live be made up of this kind of servitude ?
why can't you just laze around, or take off for a break, occasionally.
and what does he mean that if you split he would be ok but you would have nothing .
that doesn't sound right.
don't assets acquired during the marriage have to be divided ? inc his pension ?
why would he be telling you this.
who does it benefit that you believe this. not you.
information is power.
find out how you stand, legally, financially.
and don't tell your family. make time for yourself.
take independent counsel.
good luck.

If your husband is telling you you won't have any resources, he's lying, as I said upthread. Its emotional blackmail. Find out the facts from a solicitor, its empowering, whatever you choose to do.