Anxiety about daughter giving birth

We believe the private midwife saved my daughter and grandchild’s life after a problem free pregnancy, she’d previously worked at the large city hospital for over 20 years so knew everyone and she insisted D was admitted when D was told to stay at home repeatedly by hospital.
I had one stipulation for D and private midwife (who I employed from 3 months) and that was a hospital birth, they both agreed thank goodness. D had a life threatening placenta condition that wasn’t apparent until the section.

I was at my DIL's birth of her first child and I was terrified for her. She ended up having ventouse followed by a CS and have to say that I thought everything was left far too late. When my grandson turned out to be autistic I must admit to having a few thoughts about whether his birth had any significance.
By the time my daughter had her second child, my other DIL had had a still birth so my anxiety was through the roof. Fortunately, I managed to look as if I was calm!

When my first granddaughter was born I was anxious but looking forward to the birth (in a birthing pool). I am afraid I fainted when the baby came but all three of us were fine. The second baby of my DD went well, but again,I fainted when the ambulance came to take her to hospital for the birth. The second birth was quicker than the first. All were well.

Nope. She and I were together sweeping up at the stables a few hours before she produced, and I was there for the birth. Hahaha glad it was her not me!

It's incredible that childbirth is still so hit and miss.
You are at the mercy of whoever is assigned to you.
I have 7 DGC, all wonderful but none arrived without a huge amount of worry.
5 were C sections.
My D's first was an emergency section after an 18 hour labour, BP through the roof, pre-eclampsia.
When the baby was born she was whisked away without either parent seeing her. She was sent a photo!
Aftercare was so poor that DSil complained until DD was given a bed near to her baby who was in an incubator for several days. Before that she had to beg someone to wheel her wheelchair through to the ICU which was the other end of the building.
DD was a brave wee soul and I am very proud of her. Still my baby.

Mamma7
Ps I paid for private midwife - expensive but money very well spent

Every penny we spent on a private midwife (for our 2nd child) was money well spent too. It did not seem expensive to be truthful.

With her first baby my daughter "didn't see the need" to have an independent midwife despite offers from us - but after being traumatised by the whole NHS "system" she had 2 further babies with independent midwives.

That said, Mamma7 I don't think it's really for the grandmother to stipulate a hospital (or home) birth, and I don't think independent midwives would accept it as a stipulation from a grandparent either.

I was too, having nearly died with my first after 21 hours, but she delivered her little girl in just over 6 hours!

I was worried for my Dil, who gave birth two weeks ago. I knew when she was in delivery and I shed a few tears of relief when I got the call that all was well.

She's not the first to ever have a baby, and she won't be the last, we've all been through it and come out the other side.

Now if you were saying she was going to the moon and you were worried, that would be understandable!

I did, I have 6 gc now, and for the last 2 it was even worse as they were born in the height of covid 2020, when even the dads were only allowed in for the birth, then had to go, so over worried something would happen when no one was there, like you untill I knew for sure, I worried for my daughters

You worrying wont make things any better or worse, you are paying interest on nothing.

NotSpagetti - well the midwife immediately agreed re hospital birth and I’m so glad I’m was interfering gran on this occasion.
I wouldn’t have a daughter or grandchild now if it had been a home birth or a birthing centre (which btw was in middle of countryside, no doctors and 40 minutes to nearest hospital) NO BRAINER

I understand being concerned entirely.
My DD was only 16 having her first, just a child (in my eyes) it was very difficult to see her in pain and asking me to help make it stop.
With the second my DD was rushed to theatre and I was left holding the baby. Really scary for everyone. I hoped she would stop after that one but number 3 arrived a month ago.
We did discuss concerns following the previous birth as she hadn't had a full explanation why it happened. No3 came without surgical intervention thank goodness. I'm very proud to be her mum, my DD is a strong woman ❤️
It's very special cutting the cord for your grandkids if you get a chance.

I drove my daughter to the hospital to have her third child, I was speeding down the dual carriageway when she said, "get into the inside lane mother in case we have to stop." No way was I going to stop come hell or high water

DeeJaysMum

She's not the first to ever have a baby, and she won't be the last, we've all been through it and come out the other side.

Now if you were saying she was going to the moon and you were worried, that would be understandable!

Parents might but too many babies don’t and that has a lifelong impact on the mother amongst other members of the wider family.

I was very anxious but didn't let my daughter know. I kept busy. Think it's perfectly normal. I worried about her and the baby. Of course everything was fine. The midwives were fantastic. Good luck x

When my daughter was expecting her first, I was of course a bit worried but not really much. She is nealthy and all went great during her pregnancy. The birth was very traumatic because the baby had turned around and was back to back. They totally missed that in the hospital where she gave birth! The obstetrician used the forceps to pull the baby out but nearly fainted when he saw the baby was "a stargazer", the midwife hadn't checked it! This could have damaged my first GC severely. Because of that I was véry worried for the second baby, but that went very well, my daughter had the baby in about 2 hours with no complication! I leaned on a good friend to talk about my worries and she talked me through those last weeks. My daughter never knew how worried I was 😊

Big hugs too. Sure all will be well. 👍🏻

sarahcyn my daughter is 44 and had two of her three children quite safely at home with the NHS. Although it was 17 and 15 years ago.

No, didn’t worry at all. Was very excited though when she went into labour.

It is so good to be able to read these comments. I have two healthy adult daughters, both of whom had two children each. The first grandchild needed ICU for a few days but is now a strapping 6'2" grown man.

I can honestly say I had no idea just how terrified I would be for the safety of my two girls as they went into labour. All the 'won't it be great to be a grandma' comments I tried to respond to with enthusiasm but inside I just wanted to know my daughters were safely delivered and THEN I could put out the flags for the babies.

Holding it all in and not letting them know was difficult.

I have no daughters, but two sons.
Both of them delivered by emergency caesarean, the first time DS1 and I nearly died, the second one very risky as well so I was worried like hell when my grandchildren were born.
All was well for four of them, but the other one was a premature baby born by emergency caesarean.DIL recovered quickly but the baby was very ill.I never slept that night, I had to go and stay with the two older children while DS2 was at the hospital with his wife.The baby survived all her setbacks and is now 26 years old.
I also worried when my two great grandchildren were born, but DGD and her babies had no problems each time thank God.
I can remember the look of terror on my mother's face when she came to see me after DS2's birth and saw I had an IV infusion going on.She just pointed to the drip bag and her face went white.The first time it was even worse.

This reminded me so much of my DM I felt I had to respond ! I have 5 DSs and everytime I told her I was pregnant she looked worried . I saw it as part of her love for me as her little girl . So much so that I didn't tell her I'd gone into labour just when the LO was safely delivered . I think it's just natural.

It’s totally normal. I worried so much about my DD that I ended up being treated for anxiety. I think it stemmed from two difficult births myself plus knowing that no-one can really prepare for the enormity of giving birth! However she was fine and has since had another baby.

I was thankful when DD decided she did not want children, she is of very slight build never been larger than a size 6.
My mother had long labours and both of my babies were posterior presentation, I feared history would repeat itself.
I did worry about DIL, first pregnancy was an emergency C section, second was an elective as they believed the same emergency could happen.