Unsure about friends behaviour

If you 'are not sure she has my best interests at heart' -she is not really a friend...

I have had something similar with my staff one would tell the other stuff and the other would trot off to the other and say I can’t say who told me but if you want to talk about it I’m here etc. I soon had the other one in my office and I said to her I think you’re over sharing and be careful what you say. I also spoke to other one and said if you not careful what you repeating will get you into trouble one day and I don’t want bad feelings between staff. Nothing more was said but I can’t say what they said on phones etc. but the one carrying the the message didn’t realise she was carrying she thought she was being middle and helping maybe that’s what your friend thinks too

I work with someone like her. She’s playing it from both sides. Be careful what you say.🤐

You don't know she's passing on what you said, she may just be 'checking in' or whatever she says.
As you're worried, tho, just stop that line of talk with her.

Two faced springs to mind. x

I have a good friend who I do not tell private things to very much and if I do, I emphasise that it is indeed private, not to be passed on. She is not malicious but loves to have things to tell to - maybe - just one other person. So in my mind it is not really a matter of thinking she is stirring or up to something - just that she likes having 'news' to share with people. So I am cautious but remain her friend.

It does sound like she does like to wooden spoon it.

Talk to us instead of your co-worker. We give great advice. Try not to worry. Hug.

Woo33

Thanks for your reply but truly, she isn’t! She often agrees with me!

She might agree with you to your face so as not to upset you.
Is she telling others what you've said, or just checking that they're alright?
BTW, just a little nitpick, but there are men in the group, too!

Doodledog

If someone is gossiping about others, you can be sure they are gossiping about you, too.

I would stop saying anything to this colleague that you don't want others to hear. I know it's often helpful to offload about work or other stresses, but it's better to choose someone out of the loop, so nothing will come back to bite you.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Fantastic advice from you all, thank you very much! It just feels so disloyal of my friend to purposely seek these people out - in the guise of “ checking in and seeing what’s going on” when I know she’s not interested, just wants gossip from this other person. Always tells me she will keep my confidence though. After reading your advice, I’ve decided to back away from this friendship a bit. Sad, as we’ve been close friends for a while. Thank you again

If you really want to find out if she’s repeating what you say: make up a whooper of a lie and see if it gets back to you, but, then you’ll have to deal with the situation

You might not agree with me it's your opinion that matters but here goes. First if I had an issue with a work colleague they would know. I would discuss it with them rather than gossip about them with someone else.
Your friend sounds to me loose lipped I would keep my opinion to myself if I didn't feel like talking to the person in question.
It was my tactic after learning when I was young how gossip can create a horrible work atmosphere.

Trust no one and especially at work . It never ends well and lots of people are very two faced 🙄. If you need to offload find a friend outside of work , these are colleagues and there are very few good friends found amongst them ive come to learn

she is one of those with a wooden spoon, likes to stir things up while seemingly to be in the background. Don`t trust her, she should have kept her council and stayed out of it

I know how tempting it is to discuss colleagues that you have concerns about, but only tell anyone what you don’t mind them repeating, as you never know. I trust everyone and have frequently been let down by people, I am just open but it has not always been reciprocated.I have friends who I can talk too if I really had a problem but 9/10 it sorts itself out if you hang fire for 48 hours. Think living on my own I do blow things out of proportion sometimes and I know if my husband were here I wouldn’t.

VioletSky

I think you have to change a few things here

If your problems with colleagues are issues that affect your work or are issues that effect their work, this should be reported to management because confiding to other colleagues won't resolve them

The other option is you work directly with the person you have a problem with to resolve this but that depends on their nature and whether they are approachable

If the problem is a personal one, then you should keep this to yourself at work

You should always confide in someone unrelated to your job. Even if your issues are 100% fair and reasonable, you will always risk creating an uncomfortable work environment for yourself, the colleague you confide in and the person you speak about

The best thing to do with work gossip is stay out of it and work to maintain good working relationships

Good post

I think you have to change a few things here

If your problems with colleagues are issues that affect your work or are issues that effect their work, this should be reported to management because confiding to other colleagues won't resolve them

The other option is you work directly with the person you have a problem with to resolve this but that depends on their nature and whether they are approachable

If the problem is a personal one, then you should keep this to yourself at work

You should always confide in someone unrelated to your job. Even if your issues are 100% fair and reasonable, you will always risk creating an uncomfortable work environment for yourself, the colleague you confide in and the person you speak about

The best thing to do with work gossip is stay out of it and work to maintain good working relationships

A good friend would keep whatever you have talked about to themselves. This person is not a good friend and cannot be trusted.

I would remain on good terms with your "friend" but 100 per cent stop talking to her about other workmates. If she tries to lead you down that path I would change the subject. Essentially, stop saying anything to her which could land you in hot water. Good luck.

I can't believe it has taken you 15 years to work this out.
Has something changed?

Wise words Doodledog.

Sounds like the OP and her friend are both gossips. If there are issues with colleagues address with them directly, move on or, if serious, discuss with your immediate manager. Better to be open than contribute to uneasy working relationships.

If someone is gossiping about others, you can be sure they are gossiping about you, too.

I would stop saying anything to this colleague that you don't want others to hear. I know it's often helpful to offload about work or other stresses, but it's better to choose someone out of the loop, so nothing will come back to bite you.

I do understand that you have been friends with this person for a long time and also that you have confided in them. We all need someone to let off steam with. However, what I am hearing is that this person is a meddlesome so and so and, whilst not actually doing the he said she said bit, will try to add their own interpretation on the situation. Some people just can't help themselves trying to interfere where their role is to listen. Perhaps try to find another source of release if someone frustrates you at work. i.e. your cat or dog.