Unsure about friends behaviour

Just keep it 🤐.

Simple.

Wow, great advice! Obvious really thank you

It sounds as though she’s concerned about the wellbeing of the coworker you’re gossiping about. That doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me.

Thanks for your reply but truly, she isn’t! She often agrees with me!

Office politics at play here. Stop confiding in her about your other colleagues then she'll have nothing to tittle tattle about.

I suspect she's dropping you in it with other colleagues and isn't really a friend to confide in, unless you don't mind others knowing what you've said.

She is just a gossip. I agree with Grandmabatty

I think you probably sort of assumed she would stick to your standards (ie, not gossiping) until it became very apparent. And she may indeed trying to benignly make things better - but it can lead to all kinds of complications and rebound on you.

Sounds like you get on well and it's nice to have friends at work so talk about other things just apply zip to office gossip.

If she starts mentioning others I'd try the "hmmm hmmm", "ah ha"""" non response to see if that works first aandonly spell it out if necessary. Gentler if she just takes the hint.

Information is power.. I would be vary wary of making comments about work mates..

I do understand that you have been friends with this person for a long time and also that you have confided in them. We all need someone to let off steam with. However, what I am hearing is that this person is a meddlesome so and so and, whilst not actually doing the he said she said bit, will try to add their own interpretation on the situation. Some people just can't help themselves trying to interfere where their role is to listen. Perhaps try to find another source of release if someone frustrates you at work. i.e. your cat or dog.

If someone is gossiping about others, you can be sure they are gossiping about you, too.

I would stop saying anything to this colleague that you don't want others to hear. I know it's often helpful to offload about work or other stresses, but it's better to choose someone out of the loop, so nothing will come back to bite you.

Sounds like the OP and her friend are both gossips. If there are issues with colleagues address with them directly, move on or, if serious, discuss with your immediate manager. Better to be open than contribute to uneasy working relationships.

Wise words Doodledog.

I can't believe it has taken you 15 years to work this out.
Has something changed?

I would remain on good terms with your "friend" but 100 per cent stop talking to her about other workmates. If she tries to lead you down that path I would change the subject. Essentially, stop saying anything to her which could land you in hot water. Good luck.

A good friend would keep whatever you have talked about to themselves. This person is not a good friend and cannot be trusted.

I think you have to change a few things here

If your problems with colleagues are issues that affect your work or are issues that effect their work, this should be reported to management because confiding to other colleagues won't resolve them

The other option is you work directly with the person you have a problem with to resolve this but that depends on their nature and whether they are approachable

If the problem is a personal one, then you should keep this to yourself at work

You should always confide in someone unrelated to your job. Even if your issues are 100% fair and reasonable, you will always risk creating an uncomfortable work environment for yourself, the colleague you confide in and the person you speak about

The best thing to do with work gossip is stay out of it and work to maintain good working relationships

VioletSky

I think you have to change a few things here

If your problems with colleagues are issues that affect your work or are issues that effect their work, this should be reported to management because confiding to other colleagues won't resolve them

The other option is you work directly with the person you have a problem with to resolve this but that depends on their nature and whether they are approachable

If the problem is a personal one, then you should keep this to yourself at work

You should always confide in someone unrelated to your job. Even if your issues are 100% fair and reasonable, you will always risk creating an uncomfortable work environment for yourself, the colleague you confide in and the person you speak about

The best thing to do with work gossip is stay out of it and work to maintain good working relationships

Good post

I know how tempting it is to discuss colleagues that you have concerns about, but only tell anyone what you don’t mind them repeating, as you never know. I trust everyone and have frequently been let down by people, I am just open but it has not always been reciprocated.I have friends who I can talk too if I really had a problem but 9/10 it sorts itself out if you hang fire for 48 hours. Think living on my own I do blow things out of proportion sometimes and I know if my husband were here I wouldn’t.

she is one of those with a wooden spoon, likes to stir things up while seemingly to be in the background. Don`t trust her, she should have kept her council and stayed out of it

Trust no one and especially at work . It never ends well and lots of people are very two faced 🙄. If you need to offload find a friend outside of work , these are colleagues and there are very few good friends found amongst them ive come to learn

You might not agree with me it's your opinion that matters but here goes. First if I had an issue with a work colleague they would know. I would discuss it with them rather than gossip about them with someone else.
Your friend sounds to me loose lipped I would keep my opinion to myself if I didn't feel like talking to the person in question.
It was my tactic after learning when I was young how gossip can create a horrible work atmosphere.

If you really want to find out if she’s repeating what you say: make up a whooper of a lie and see if it gets back to you, but, then you’ll have to deal with the situation