Should we say anything?

She has been to 2 courses but couldn't take it in . I don't think she wants to try again.

I have encountered a few people of late who don’t have a computer or tablet. I have offered to help them if they get an iPad for example which is probably the easiest way in. However, the usual response is uncertainty and I can understand this. Fortunately (I am 82) I began to struggle with new technology some years ago when I began to fear my loss of independence in later years. It was much later when my dd persuaded me to have an iPad that my confidence zoomed and I gradually became happy to do most things on line. It is no joke to be cut off from simple procedures that are available on line so re- ordering medication from the GP, ordering shopping, texting, playing games like Wordle, taking photos etc etc etc. So if you can be helpful to someone near to you and give support and encouragement it is a worthwhile thing to do. The old saying “lt is easy when you know how “ is so true.

Lovetopaint037

I have encountered a few people of late who don’t have a computer or tablet. I have offered to help them if they get an iPad for example which is probably the easiest way in. However, the usual response is uncertainty and I can understand this. Fortunately (I am 82) I began to struggle with new technology some years ago when I began to fear my loss of independence in later years. It was much later when my dd persuaded me to have an iPad that my confidence zoomed and I gradually became happy to do most things on line. It is no joke to be cut off from simple procedures that are available on line so re- ordering medication from the GP, ordering shopping, texting, playing games like Wordle, taking photos etc etc etc. So if you can be helpful to someone near to you and give support and encouragement it is a worthwhile thing to do. The old saying “lt is easy when you know how “ is so true.

I absolutely agree. Having a laptop or i-pad at home to practise on makes all the difference..

I think some people say they can't understand technology when in fact they are too scared to try. It can be intimidating at first but I believe AgeUK offer advice or classes. Everyone needs to try otherwise they will be left behind sadly.

Our library have "computer buddies" to help. Hopefully chosen for their sympathetic skills. As said already on this thread some people have got left behind for all sorts of reasons and then are too daunted to seek help.
And the fear of being scammed...which was being discussed... could be another fear.
Should you say something? Difficult one. Just be friendly and chatty about other stuff next time you meet. She may bring it up one day by herself.

Taking the huff and leaving abruptly sounds rather dramatic as well as rude. If we all did that in company when the subject is rather sensitive to us it would be a strange state of affairs.

Yes it’s been a learning curve for many of us technology wise. My late DH wouldn’t go near it and as a retired lawyer, still handed the odd legal document over to me to deal with on the computer when I knew as little as he did, so I had a go.
No need to apologise and that remark re gdc is one I use all the time
“Oh, I need a ten year old!” When stuck.
I feel stupid over numbers, a weakness of mine, but laugh it off.
I think she should have stuck at it.

I’m far from being a natural, and I frequently ask my grandchildren how to do things.
I use a computer at work, but the minute something goes wrong, I’m lost.
I think she’s being over sensitive, and I agree with others, least said, soonest mended.
If she wants help ( not from her grandchildren) there are so many ways to obtain it, about twenty plus years ago, I did a computers for beginners class at the local college, and we were all at the same level, absolutely hopeless, but we gradually got the hang some basic skills.

kircubbin2000

She has been to 2 courses but couldn't take it in . I don't think she wants to try again.

It does sound a bit rude to rush off like that - possibly embarrassment, maybe a huff, maybe just boredom. Who knows. I don't think any apologies are in order though, all she had to do was excuse herself gracefully - 'I'm going to have to run, forgot xxx'.

She may be the sort of person who needs to take things slowly and practice a lot so that she can take it in. Sadly no matter how good courses are they aren't much use for people who don't understand and need lots of explanations/forget things quickly. I know because that's me these days! The trouble is once you've failed twice it's easy to believe you simply can't do things. She would probably be a lot better having a one-to-one with someone who can take things at her pace and answer her questions as they arise.

I don't think standing up and leaving is rude at all. I would probably have done the same to stop myself from making a rude retort back. When the joke was made about grandchildrens help someone could have countered with I wouldn't ask mine and said something silly like they'll order loads of rubbish off Amazon.
If it was a health problem we would jump in to make people feel more comfortable. Why do we scoff when they are not up to date with technology?

Yes, we all are going to have to learn somehow sometime but like our mother's generation how many women never learned to drive and of those that did pass the test never drove again. I could fill at least 2 pages of A4.

But not everyone has grandchildren and not all grandchildren live nearby.

Perhaps that rather flippant remark was also upsetting?

You shouldn't have to moderate your conversation topics because someone struggles with the subject; perhaps if she had stayed she would have learned something, and I am sure you would all be willing to help.
I don't think there are courses on using mobile phones, are there? Computers ,yes, but it does help if there is someone nearby to come to your aid when you are stuck. I can manage my computer fairly well, but mobile phones confound me and I rely on my adult children and friends for help.
My son, who works in IT, says you can try and try with a computer but unless you are guided through the initial stages you can so easily go wrong. Many IT instructors explain once and are astonished that you aren't familiar with the terminology, (icons, cursor, cut and paste, drop down boxes etc etc) and cannot remember the sequence of instructions immediately.

We have one lady in our WI (46 members at the last count) who is totally computer illiterate. She is only in her 70s and various people including her daughter, have offered to help but she flatly refuses. She doesn’t even have a mobile phone. It is particularly annoying for as Secretary. Every time we have a meeting I have to print off the minutes for her; when I update the members lists I print off reams of paperwork for her. Yes, I am annoyed. Using a computer is not rocket science.

Yes, I wondered about that too pinkquartz - perhaps her sensitivity was more to do with the mention of grandchildren than the tech issue?

I think it’s a matter of choice, probably, I wouldn’t by choice have a lot to do with computers, not my thing.
But without a few basic skills I would be seriously restricting my life.
If she doesn’t want to learn, that’s up to her, but that doesn’t put her friends in the wrong for discussing it.

pinkquartz

But not everyone has grandchildren and not all grandchildren live nearby.

Perhaps that rather flippant remark was also upsetting?

I agree my grandchildren live at the other end of the country and have friends who unfortunately never had children let alone grandchildren.

As she's been to two courses and not taken it in she's probably mighty frustrated with herself and you all talking about it has made her more frustrated with herself rather than the people in the group. That's how I think I'd feel. I don't know if you can do/say anything to make her feel better, but it's very kind of you to care. Maybe, in the course of a normal conversation you could say if she needs any computer related help just to ask you.

JackyB asking the grandchildren certainly does work. Or at least it has for me with mine. I still smile to myself when several years ago my 11 year old grandson helped me with something. When I grasped it quickly he said, 'You are a good student grandma'.

I think Old Frill has hit the nail.

Oh dear I just think bored or over sensitive not worth worrying about

The thing is, it's now more or less impossible to partake in the adult world without operating a smartphone. That lady must really feel at a loss
I think it's lovely that one of your group is visiting her. I hope she can be encouraged to get on with the tech.

Does she have GC to help her . Or if she had GC , is she close to them ? Maybe it was the GC comment that offended her .

I do think all the modern conveniences are overwhelming for a lot of people, and how they react is the thing. Just think if you weren't good at reading, like so many are. Perhaps she was never diagnosed, but is dyslexic. There could be so many reasons she avoids technology, and perhaps her back was up feeling out of place amongst the rest of the group that was obviously coping. Or perhaps she was scammed and didn't want to be seen as stupid.

I'm afraid my older sister is like this. Overwhelmed and basically ignores anything new. She has a clunky old computer, but no cell phone. We gave her an answer machine for her land line years ago, but she never set it up. Doesn't record tv shows because it would be too confusing, etc. When her husband died, my younger sister helped her through all the paperwork with insurance, banking, bills etc.

The next time you see your friend, maybe ask if anything was said to upset her, and offer to help, or find help for her.

Tenko

Does she have GC to help her . Or if she had GC , is she close to them ? Maybe it was the GC comment that offended her .

Perhaps a Christmas card - telling her how lovely it was to see her, hope to visit again soon, Happy Christmas!

There’s prob something at which she’s much better than the rest of you. Work out what it is and talk about that next time.

I worked within IT for a short while when the office I worked in (in 1980), decided to embrace technology and really enjoyed learning. Now at 65, I do have an IPhone, a tablet and a laptop and do almost everything online, as well as keeping in touch with family in far flung places, playing the odd addictive game, listening to the radio/music and reading the news. Sad to say, but I’d be lost without technology.