I’m on the other side of this

You say you have had a good relationship with her and often go for lunch or do things together , can I ask do you pay or does she? If she does perhaps she thinks she gives you a treat that way so wanted her son to be able to treat himself, if you go Dutch or you pay usually then she is in the wrong.

She clearly thinks of you a lot and probably loves you.. you could ask her why she gave the money to him and say that you found it quite puzzling.She might have thought she had a very valid reason.. I very much doubt that she thought it would upset you since she has made so much effort in the past to get to know you... I hope this doesn't cause a rift

I hope he is going to spend it on you!
I wouldn't let this worry me too much.

My DMiL was very much like that too.
I called it being Clannish .
When DH was sick, very sick shortly before he died, she arrived with special dishes for him, just him. I don't know what the rest of us were supposed to eat.

When she died this year, she left money in her will to his children. Not mine. I am their mother.

He laughed it off, the DC laugh it off. I could choose to be hurt but I would prefer to remember her for the good things about her and there were many.

I’m in agreement with*Doodle*. If your DH buys something for himself, such as a coat, then that’s money which doesn’t come out of your joint account.
When I’m out with my DS I might randomly pay for something he is going to buy, just because I can. He then saves that money to treat his DW and children.
However for Christmas and birthday we do try to give evenly.

Working isn’t the only way one contributes to a household.

Agreed, especially when the word "working" usually only means paid work and doesn't include, for example, a mother doing nearly all the child care/housework/household organisin, etc.

Why do husbands tell their wives when their mums act so stupidly is my next question? Your husband could just have not repeated his mother's 'instructions' and used the money jointly, especially if you have joint accounts and so forth.

All very silly.

lucky does your own family ever treat you. I know my DILs mum and sister both buy her clothes and things that are quite expensive for Christmas and birthdays and do buy nice presents for my son but not in the same amount.

We have always given them both the same amount.
I doubt very much, given the relationship between you and your MIL, the intention was to make sure you didn’t get any of the money. I would imagine it was more your MiL wanting to treat her son to something nice. Or it could be she meant spend it on himself rather than put it in the general housekeeping money pot i,e, don’t use it for bills use it to treat yourself. There are several ways of looking at this.
I would take a positive approach from the fact you normally get on and not let it sour the relationship. Misunderstandings can ruin things and it’s important to try and be in a good relationship with others.

To my mind your MIL has been abominably rude and your husband insensitive by accepting a gift from anyone with such a provision attached.

So I understand entirely that you are hurt and perhaps feeling resentful right now, although I didn't get any sense of resentment from your post.

In your place, I don't think I would raise the issue with my MIL. It is likely to make bad worse if you do.

You may, on the other hand, feel that in all honesty you have to tell your husband how this made you feel. Whether this is, or is not a good idea, I cannot possibly know, not knowing you or your husband.

I would have been furious with mine for not telling the giver to go and chase herself. But we never had his and her money, only our money. It never mattered who earned most, as long as all the bills were paid.

What was your husband’s response. I either of my sons thought I was being unfair or spiteful to their partners, I am reasonably confident they’d tell me so.

And what were the circumstances and the language used around the gift. I could see that if, for example, my son had done a special favour for us, I might give him a few quid and say ‘treat yourself’ as a thank you. I would hope my son - and thus daughters-in-law - wouldnt understand that to mean ‘but don’t give anything to your wife’. It would be meant as ‘get something you otherwise wouldn’t’ and then up to my son to decide whether that was for him alone, both of them, or the kids as well.

Rather than pull back from your m.i.l. luckycharmsaregreat, talk to her and tell her how you feel. From what you've said about your relationship, it seems unlikely to me that she meant any harm or disrespect, but unless you tell her how you feel, she wont know.

Pulling back with no explanation wont solve anything.

Germanshepherdsmum

Why didn’t you post on the other thread?

What are your contributions? Do you work?

Because I didn’t want to take away from the OP. Weren’t you one of the posters who thought it was rude to exclude the DIL. Yes my husband works more hours than me but we are both full time workers.

Even if I didn’t work I would be contributing to the household in other ways which shouldn’t get overlooked. Working isn’t the only way one contributes to a household.

How should I address this with my mil since like I said I do have an independent relationship with her outside of my husband? And we are close.

Why didn’t you post on the other thread?

What are your contributions? Do you work?