My husband’s brother just recently had a baby and we are both aunt and uncle. The baby is 3 weeks old and about 2 weeks after the baby was born we got the ok to travel about 6 hours away and stay overnight and see the baby. When the mother went to hand over the baby to me my husband was in the other room and I didn’t think twice about it because I didn’t think of it in terms of I’m not the aunt by blood only through marriage I didn’t think that mattered until my MIL piped up and said maybe you should let the blood uncle(meaning my husband) hold her first. I was so mortified and caught off guard and hurt that I was basically told I was second rate and there was a pecking order to importance of holding the baby.
Growing up I never saw my aunts and uncles as blood or married in they were just my aunt and uncle and I knew they loved me and I loved them.
Besides clearly my husband didn’t care as he was in a whole other room at the time and he’s a big boy and has a mouth he could have spoken up if it was an issue.
I just apologized and asked my husband if he wanted to hold the baby and he went ahead and did.
I’m hurt and embarrassed ughh.
Thank goodness I never had a mother in law, she died before my late husband and I got engaged. I never told my late husband the nasty things she used to say to me, I didn't want to spoil his memories of her but I do think if she had lived I would never have married my husband as she would have found ways to break us up. She was a really nasty woman.
what a daft thing to say! I like to think I'd have said 'well, he's in the other room and I'm here' and taken the baby but I usually think of these things too late. What will really matter is how you all relate to the baby when s'he's old enough, it is unpleasant though, I wouldn't like being pushed aside on such a silly pretence but maybe being a new granny she wasn't sure what to do
Very weird and precious, IMO.
My DD’s 3rd baby was taken at 3 weeks to meet her in laws, and was freely passed around lots of friends and family for cuddles. There was no ‘pecking order’! I’m sure her MiL would have been bemused at the mere idea.
BlueBelle
Good grief pecking order for holding a baby whatever next !!
Thank goodness I come from a family who didn’t need an appointment to give a baby a bit of attention
The appt I don’t mind because I understand the mommy be healing form child birth still or the parents want to bond with their child. It’s the being told I’m second rate to my husband in terms of aunt and uncle because I’m not the blood relative.
Good grief pecking order for holding a baby whatever next !!
Thank goodness I come from a family who didn’t need an appointment to give a baby a bit of attention
MrsKen33
What a strange thing. Never heard of a blood relation queue before. Perhaps I shouldn’t say this but are they from a different cultural , religion?
Nope everyone is Caucasian. No workers that’s a totally valid question as different cultures and religions do have different beliefs at times.
What a strange thing. Never heard of a blood relation queue before. Perhaps I shouldn’t say this but are they from a different cultural , religion?
Shelflife
I hope your MIL is thoroughly ashamed of herself?
I’m more confused by anything because she has always been nice to me in the past no issues at least that I’m aware of.
I’m thinking it could be her just feeling territorial since it’s the birth of her first grandchild and I know the birth of one’s first grandchild is always an extra special thing.
Oldbat1
Why does it matter? Some folk on here seem to get upset with the minute things of everyday life.
I don’t know I can’t get in my MIL’s head as to why it matters but maybe I don’t want to.
In the past she has always been nice to me no reason to ever complain.
Maybe she is just feeling territorial because it’s the birth of her first grandchild. Which I can understand.
I hope your MIL is thoroughly ashamed of herself?
Shrug it off
People who behave badly like this want you to join their drama spiral which is easy to do if you allow it to hurt you
Let MIL make only herself look bad by rising above it
It's not nice of her to make such a comment , but maybe she isn't actually a very nice person .
Hard to do , but take a deep breath and move on .
Why does it matter? Some folk on here seem to get upset with the minute things of everyday life.
Birthto110
I had many so called 'blood' aunts and uncles and their spouses my uncles and aunts - and never differentiated between any of them in any way. I am and always was extremely fond of ALL my aunts and uncles, there was no difference. They were kind to me , they taught me a lot, they inspired me, they were hospitable and kind always - for heaven's sake they were my cousins' parents - and I loved my cousins.
Easier said than done, but babies/toddlers/teens will probably gravitate towards some relatives more than others and it won't have anything to do with what MIL is insinuating. I am sorry she hurt you - it probably was meant to be a light hearted quip - but some people can be hurtful with thoughtless comments at times.
I’m tempted the next time we are all over there to make a sarcastic petty joke about being allowed to sit with the rest of the family since I’m not blood wanted to see if I was worthy. Of course I would in a million years never do that.
Yeah I guess it could have been a light hearted joke but I’m kissing the humor. Like haha I’m just a married in I guess. Maybe I should have that stamped on my forehead as I get older so our niece is aware not to love me as much as her “real” uncle.
Why don't you trust your instincts instead of considering if there is any value in your mil's words?
She can be have her own ideas, you can have yours.
But she needs to keep them to herself and mind her own business
pascal30
what a horrible woman.. the baby's mother obviously considered you were important enough to hold her baby.. don't take it to heart..
Yes we told the parents whenever they are comfortable with us coming over we will come over and I told them if they are comfortable with us coming up but not holding the baby I respect that as well they are the parents and their wishes always come first.
The mother my SIl asked if I wanted to hold her and I said sure.
I should add (important) that not all my aunts and uncles had cousins - my fav uncle was my non blood uncle without children of his own. That meant there was loads of time for us!!
Similarly my own sisters have no children and my own kids love them both to bits as they're very special to each other. xxxx
Franbern
Honestly, ?? pecking order about holding a new born baby!!!
Mortified, etc.etc. Such first world problems. Baby does not care who is holding it. Most men cannot see attraction tiny baby has that most women do have.
Get over it, whole matter is totally and completely unimportant. Just be grateful baby is born in a part of the world where it has a chance of life!!!!!
I think you misunderstood I’m not agreeing with a pecking order I am saying that to point out the ridiculousness of my MIL’s claim that somehow I’m wrong or like I didn’t earn the right to hold the baby in a certain order because I’m not blood. Trust me I agree 100% with you and I feel like it’s not me who needs to realize the important thing is the baby is happy and healthy I realize that however my MIL is the one fixated on blood and pecking order of holding the baby.
Why are you hurt and embarrassed?
Lets see if i got it right?
You and your husband politely waited for the ok to visit the parents and the new baby
The mother allowed you to hold her baby
Your mil got her nose where it didnt belong and judged you
If this situation taught you anything is that you and your husband need boundaries with her asap, faster if you already have kids
what a horrible woman.. the baby's mother obviously considered you were important enough to hold her baby.. don't take it to heart..
Honestly, ?? pecking order about holding a new born baby!!!
Mortified, etc.etc. Such first world problems. Baby does not care who is holding it. Most men cannot see attraction tiny baby has that most women do have.
Get over it, whole matter is totally and completely unimportant. Just be grateful baby is born in a part of the world where it has a chance of life!!!!!
I had many so called 'blood' aunts and uncles and their spouses my uncles and aunts - and never differentiated between any of them in any way. I am and always was extremely fond of ALL my aunts and uncles, there was no difference. They were kind to me , they taught me a lot, they inspired me, they were hospitable and kind always - for heaven's sake they were my cousins' parents - and I loved my cousins.
Easier said than done, but babies/toddlers/teens will probably gravitate towards some relatives more than others and it won't have anything to do with what MIL is insinuating. I am sorry she hurt you - it probably was meant to be a light hearted quip - but some people can be hurtful with thoughtless comments at times.
Maybe she had a point though I should have thought to ask my husband since it’s his brother’s baby if he wanted to hold her first. I just apologized and kept a low profile. My husband said he didn’t mind and was embarrassed and will talk to his mother about calling me not family.
Your MIL is pathetic, she made a show of herself.
It's your MIL, who should be embarrassed!
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