I’m mortified and also hurt

It's your MIL, who should be embarrassed!

Your MIL is pathetic, she made a show of herself.

Maybe she had a point though I should have thought to ask my husband since it’s his brother’s baby if he wanted to hold her first. I just apologized and kept a low profile. My husband said he didn’t mind and was embarrassed and will talk to his mother about calling me not family.

I had many so called 'blood' aunts and uncles and their spouses my uncles and aunts - and never differentiated between any of them in any way. I am and always was extremely fond of ALL my aunts and uncles, there was no difference. They were kind to me , they taught me a lot, they inspired me, they were hospitable and kind always - for heaven's sake they were my cousins' parents - and I loved my cousins.
Easier said than done, but babies/toddlers/teens will probably gravitate towards some relatives more than others and it won't have anything to do with what MIL is insinuating. I am sorry she hurt you - it probably was meant to be a light hearted quip - but some people can be hurtful with thoughtless comments at times.

Honestly, ?? pecking order about holding a new born baby!!!
Mortified, etc.etc. Such first world problems. Baby does not care who is holding it. Most men cannot see attraction tiny baby has that most women do have.

Get over it, whole matter is totally and completely unimportant. Just be grateful baby is born in a part of the world where it has a chance of life!!!!!

what a horrible woman.. the baby's mother obviously considered you were important enough to hold her baby.. don't take it to heart..

Why are you hurt and embarrassed?

Lets see if i got it right?

You and your husband politely waited for the ok to visit the parents and the new baby

The mother allowed you to hold her baby

Your mil got her nose where it didnt belong and judged you

If this situation taught you anything is that you and your husband need boundaries with her asap, faster if you already have kids

Franbern

Honestly, ?? pecking order about holding a new born baby!!!
Mortified, etc.etc. Such first world problems. Baby does not care who is holding it. Most men cannot see attraction tiny baby has that most women do have.

Get over it, whole matter is totally and completely unimportant. Just be grateful baby is born in a part of the world where it has a chance of life!!!!!

I think you misunderstood I’m not agreeing with a pecking order I am saying that to point out the ridiculousness of my MIL’s claim that somehow I’m wrong or like I didn’t earn the right to hold the baby in a certain order because I’m not blood. Trust me I agree 100% with you and I feel like it’s not me who needs to realize the important thing is the baby is happy and healthy I realize that however my MIL is the one fixated on blood and pecking order of holding the baby.

I should add (important) that not all my aunts and uncles had cousins - my fav uncle was my non blood uncle without children of his own. That meant there was loads of time for us!!
Similarly my own sisters have no children and my own kids love them both to bits as they're very special to each other. xxxx

pascal30

what a horrible woman.. the baby's mother obviously considered you were important enough to hold her baby.. don't take it to heart..

Yes we told the parents whenever they are comfortable with us coming over we will come over and I told them if they are comfortable with us coming up but not holding the baby I respect that as well they are the parents and their wishes always come first.

The mother my SIl asked if I wanted to hold her and I said sure.

Why don't you trust your instincts instead of considering if there is any value in your mil's words?

She can be have her own ideas, you can have yours.
But she needs to keep them to herself and mind her own business

Birthto110

I had many so called 'blood' aunts and uncles and their spouses my uncles and aunts - and never differentiated between any of them in any way. I am and always was extremely fond of ALL my aunts and uncles, there was no difference. They were kind to me , they taught me a lot, they inspired me, they were hospitable and kind always - for heaven's sake they were my cousins' parents - and I loved my cousins.
Easier said than done, but babies/toddlers/teens will probably gravitate towards some relatives more than others and it won't have anything to do with what MIL is insinuating. I am sorry she hurt you - it probably was meant to be a light hearted quip - but some people can be hurtful with thoughtless comments at times.

I’m tempted the next time we are all over there to make a sarcastic petty joke about being allowed to sit with the rest of the family since I’m not blood wanted to see if I was worthy. Of course I would in a million years never do that.

Yeah I guess it could have been a light hearted joke but I’m kissing the humor. Like haha I’m just a married in I guess. Maybe I should have that stamped on my forehead as I get older so our niece is aware not to love me as much as her “real” uncle.

Why does it matter? Some folk on here seem to get upset with the minute things of everyday life.

It's not nice of her to make such a comment , but maybe she isn't actually a very nice person .
Hard to do , but take a deep breath and move on .

Shrug it off

People who behave badly like this want you to join their drama spiral which is easy to do if you allow it to hurt you

Let MIL make only herself look bad by rising above it

I hope your MIL is thoroughly ashamed of herself?

Oldbat1

Why does it matter? Some folk on here seem to get upset with the minute things of everyday life.

I don’t know I can’t get in my MIL’s head as to why it matters but maybe I don’t want to.

In the past she has always been nice to me no reason to ever complain.

Maybe she is just feeling territorial because it’s the birth of her first grandchild. Which I can understand.

Shelflife

I hope your MIL is thoroughly ashamed of herself?

I’m more confused by anything because she has always been nice to me in the past no issues at least that I’m aware of.

I’m thinking it could be her just feeling territorial since it’s the birth of her first grandchild and I know the birth of one’s first grandchild is always an extra special thing.

What a strange thing. Never heard of a blood relation queue before. Perhaps I shouldn’t say this but are they from a different cultural , religion?

MrsKen33

What a strange thing. Never heard of a blood relation queue before. Perhaps I shouldn’t say this but are they from a different cultural , religion?

Nope everyone is Caucasian. No workers that’s a totally valid question as different cultures and religions do have different beliefs at times.

Good grief pecking order for holding a baby whatever next !!
Thank goodness I come from a family who didn’t need an appointment to give a baby a bit of attention

BlueBelle

Good grief pecking order for holding a baby whatever next !!
Thank goodness I come from a family who didn’t need an appointment to give a baby a bit of attention

The appt I don’t mind because I understand the mommy be healing form child birth still or the parents want to bond with their child. It’s the being told I’m second rate to my husband in terms of aunt and uncle because I’m not the blood relative.

Very weird and precious, IMO.
My DD’s 3rd baby was taken at 3 weeks to meet her in laws, and was freely passed around lots of friends and family for cuddles. There was no ‘pecking order’! I’m sure her MiL would have been bemused at the mere idea.

what a daft thing to say! I like to think I'd have said 'well, he's in the other room and I'm here' and taken the baby but I usually think of these things too late. What will really matter is how you all relate to the baby when s'he's old enough, it is unpleasant though, I wouldn't like being pushed aside on such a silly pretence but maybe being a new granny she wasn't sure what to do