I’m mortified and also hurt

Hello, I've actually just read this post and FIRST thing I thought was how NICE of the new mum giving you the sprog! Personally, screw the MiL, the mum handed HER precious bundle to YOU so despite what others may think, she hasn't got a problem with you.

I don't have a MiL but my 3 sisters did, 1 still does. My mum ALWAYS got on with my gran, her MiL, ALWAYS welcomed to bunfights and Grandma actually hooked arms with her at one particular do, introducing her to someone "This is my daughter in law". Mum never said anything, its how Grandma ALWAYS saw her, (She and dad separated when I was 3, divorced when 5, I'm 50 in a couple of weeks time!) Dad remarried and yes, Grandma did like her, but MUM was her daughter in law!

Sister 1, his family adored her, UNTIL they married. They've managed 26 years, they still hate her. His mother died 10 years ago, never liked her, made sure sister wasn't in family photos etc. Husband doesnt like to say anything as it will cause issues and he doesnt want to fall out with his family, yet he was welcomed into ours! (Sister told us, she doesnt want to be divorced!! so she puts up with it! More fool her is what we say!)

Sister 2, almost 30 years married, together 35, currently downstairs talking to mum. Her MiL died last year, they got on well.

Sister 3, married 30 years tomorrow, 14 month old granddaughter has a mind of her own!! Her MiL still alive, deaf as a post, goes to sumba classes is it?

My great niece (bloody hell, I'm old!!) her above, I can remember her mum tootling around our room with the dog we had then, 28 years ago, so I do find it comical seeing her sprog with the current little cretins (dogs) tootling around the same room. Does make you wonder, where the time goes.

flappergirl

I've read on Mumsnet about the ridiculous behaviour of some new grandmothers. They seem to completely lose their senses, as if a switch has been flipped in their brains. Otherwise normal and decent women turn into bullying drama queens who snatch the baby from their DIL's arms at every opportunity and teach the grandchildren to call them mummy. It's abnormal. OP, I think this might be another example of this craziness. I've never heard of such a thing. Besides, men aren't usually queuing up to hold new babies. I should think you were upset and thoroughly insulted. I'm afraid I have no advice other than to keep a wide berth of your MIL in future and tell you husband exactly why.

😁 yep!

This sounds more like a criticism of the baby's mother, and I wonder how she, as a new mum felt. Have you and she talked about it? You did no wrong at all, put it behind you

Beginning to sound like the Mafia or something .🕶️🕷️

It's not you who should be mortified, just take no notice of her words, your sil doesn't feel like that, I feel sorry for her having such an unpleasant mil. Don't even get thinking of playing her games. When you find out what people are like believe it.I cannot understand how anyone would say that. Silly woman.

A couple years ago, I heard my darling five-year-old granddaughter ask my dil if I was invited to a gathering with dil's family. Dil answered that I wasn't because I'm not a blood relative. I didn't expect to be invited because that family have never been friendly but it took me aback to hear that term. I care about my dil and love our son and grandchildren and have to focus my thoughts regarding them and not on the snotty in-laws.

Rainrainalwaysalways Let it drop.

Treat her silly comments with the contempt they deserve.

Think she sounds a nightmare and a total twit but i also think you are going over the top in concerning yourself about it

Who cares a fig who holds the child first second or third does it really really matter You are making a mountain out of a molehill Accept she’s a twit have your cuddle first second or third and move on forget it, let it go, as the kids sing

Don’t join in the ‘blood family’ game. It’s not healthy. Ignore her silly comments or respond honestly, avoiding confrontation, game players are trouble - don’t join in

What !

I wouldn't have given it a second thought who should and should not hold the baby first, but I if I were in your position, I would be taken-a-back by this comment and to some extent annoyed, its a comment that I wouldn't be able to overlook.

But then I would think why say that? There is a reason for everything and maybe your MIL was brought up that way, maybe she said that comment without realising it was hurtful and way off the radar this day and age.

What a horrible woman,

I can remember being at my FIL's 90th birthday celebrations & one of his great granddaughters asked me if I was a married-in "anonymose-surname" or a blood "anonymose-surname".
I remember feeling quite put out, but time has given it some context - I have been married to her great uncle for near on 40 years & she was 10yrs at the time.
Beyond the comprehension I think of a child without some of her own family input.

Put this silly MIL comment behind you & if you ever have children one day, remember when she wants a 1st cuddle 🤣

Your mother in law sounds like a bit of a nitwit, frankly.

I had a similar experience with my last: my mother in law was put out that I gave the little one to my beloved sister in law to hold when they were visiting. I'd had a very difficult surgical birth and was only just down on the ward from HDU, and in a lot of pain and really not up to family drama.

My sister in law is the named guardian of my children in my will, and the sole trustee of their trust funds. She is the person I most trust to act correctly in the world. I was so glad to see her kind face that evening when I was so upset and sore. I was more than happy to hand her the small one.

If we all carved up our family bonds according to 'blood' and 'not blood', well, that would leave some pretty terrible families around.

Also if I wanted to be petty enough according to my MIL only blood makes up family right? So if I have kids only my mother can be around my child because you know she is my blood and MIL is not my blood so therefore not MY family.

I mean after all only my blood family has a right to hold my child. I’m just following my MIL’s logic and reasoning.

Also guess I’m off the hook for attending any function that’s labeled a family function right or helping out in anyway. My mil calls me directly for help sorry I’m not blood therefore not family so call you son you know your blood relative.

"Besides, men aren't usually queuing up to hold new babies."

Got it on one, flappergirl.

When my DIL was expecting their first baby, her mother said to me ‘you will let me hold the baby first won’t you?

She’s a nasty pasty, no getting away from it. Be consoled by the fact that she won’t be a happy pasty, no one with that attitude could be.

OP, as per my post above. If your MIL has always been pleasant towards you and never behaved in such an irrational way, I think this is a clear cut case of new grandmother syndrome. A lot of new grandmothers become territorial and just plain weird. I've seen it in action. They alienate their DILs and other relatives by claiming rights to the baby which they simply do not have. They basically become possessed and lose the plot. This is not an excuse for her behaviour, which was disgraceful and she should be ashamed of herself. I am sorry you were so hurt and let down. What is your DH saying about it?

this sounds like the MIL who gave money for her son only; i wonder if they might be related.

lemsip

this is a variation on the many threads about not being allowed to hold new babies for weeks! then the comments saying babies have been passed round the family..... everyones different

Yes but I am family that’s what getting married means becoming a part of the family. So why am I being told I am “less than” my husband?

this is a variation on the many threads about not being allowed to hold new babies for weeks! then the comments saying babies have been passed round the family..... everyones different

What a load of rubbish re blood uncle. Silly MiL.. No need for you to feel embarrassed.

None of us know what this ladies rationale is
I would guess she is insecure yet needs to be in control

I've read on Mumsnet about the ridiculous behaviour of some new grandmothers. They seem to completely lose their senses, as if a switch has been flipped in their brains. Otherwise normal and decent women turn into bullying drama queens who snatch the baby from their DIL's arms at every opportunity and teach the grandchildren to call them mummy. It's abnormal. OP, I think this might be another example of this craziness. I've never heard of such a thing. Besides, men aren't usually queuing up to hold new babies. I should think you were upset and thoroughly insulted. I'm afraid I have no advice other than to keep a wide berth of your MIL in future and tell you husband exactly why.

Oh goodness. I wish your SIL good luck in the future, because that seems very oddly controlling by your shared MIL. Hopefully she cools off and quickly.