Offspring living in NZ

Awful Maddyone

Grammaretto that 3 am pocket call must have set the heart racing! It’s not just the mileage distance that’s a worry it’s the huge time difference too isn’t it,
Yes Cath you started a thread that has helped us to realise there are so many in the same ‘boat’ and it’s a comfort to know we are not alone.

I have another granddaughter ( not the NZ one ) who has been travelling the Far East for 6 months and has now stabilised in Australia got herself a job and a boyfriend….so could be starting all over again
Ahh well onwards and upwards

Just to say, thanks all for corresponding and I hope I started a topic that has helped other grandparents, like myself,, to realise we all have our own lives to live where or how we want as life can be so short.
God bless all and I wish you the best for 2024

What a lovely post Allsorts.
We can never fully understand another's feelings and all have our own way of dealing with loss and grief but it's nice to know that when we absent parents moan, someone is listening. 😊

I was woken at 3am by a pocket call from NZ and I am sure you can all imagine my anxiety! The posts on here have reminded me how near the surface that anxiety is.

Must say I've read these posts with tears in my eyes, I really feel for anyone with children on other continents. It's hard for them too. I am estranged from my d who lives 5 minutes away, not my choice, was heartbroken for years, I'm now used to it, she has a right to live her life as she wants to but I still ache in side though. A support group sounds good for you all supporting each other. We bring our children up to be their own person and be free to follow their chosen path, it's just so hard sometimes. In future when people say they are off to see their son and daughter in Australia or New Zealand I will realise more the implication of those words.

Someone on this thread said it would be nice to have a thread to support all of us grandparents who have children or/and grandchildren living abroad, so I’ve put a thread up. It’s under grandparenting but anyone can join in. I hope you all go to it and introduce yourselves and find support and comfort from one another.

Thank you so much for the lovely, supportive messages I received from some posters re my daughter’s difficult situation in New Zealand. I was reduced to shedding tears last night because posters were so kind, and I couldn’t even bring myself to comment on the thread, I felt so upset, and touched by the kindness shown. It is indeed a heartbreaking situation and not one I ever imagined we would be in, but it is what it is, and we go forward. Others are in worse situations, in Gaza, Israel, and Ukraine. I try to remember this, but it still feels terrible to me. Mothers are supposed to protect their children, but I couldn’t and can’t protect my daughter from what is happening so far away. And that is precisely why he wanted her that far away.

Distance need not be an obstacle, but talking calmly to your DD on a phone whilst she is in a taxi going to deliver her child in a far eastern country, I can tell from first hand is no fun.
It might be Chinese whispers from Granny Grunter but do we need to be reminded that the next time our children see us we might be in our coffin? Yes, it can happen in the UK just the same as when they are abroad.
What a lovely uplifting thought with the New Year around the corner.

I believe GrannyGrunter's neighbour's problem with her sons lie elsewhere not with distance .
We have all heard very sad stories about families not talking even when they live in the same town/ city

I assume you are being ironic!
I prefer to read things at face value.
When you describe your neighbour GrannyGrunter you are hearing her version only so when we hear it via you, it becomes just another cautionary tale.

My DM came back from NZ after dad died because as she said "you can't live on scenery" and as you say 65KL "it's a long way away"

Sometimes, thanks to WhatsApp etc I feel closer to my NZ family than I do to the 3 who live in the UK. When we do meet, we spend a lot of quality time together.

DS came when his father was gravely ill, was here for him until he died and helped to organise the funeral. This was during lockdown and not easy.

What I'm trying to say is that the distance need not be such an obstacle.

Bella23

GrannyGrunter

I have a neighbour whose sons went to live in America many years ago, but now her husband has died and they never came home for his funeral, she has no other relatives left and she is in her 80's and never, ever sees her sons. She is also housebound and relies on social services for everything.

Luckily I have sons living in the UK so see them regularly. I often imagined what it would be like if our sons moved a long way away to a different country so decided that if they went, I would go with them but if they said no, I would change my will and leave it all to a cat and dogs home.

The next time her sons will see her is when she is lying in her coffin. What a terrible state of affairs.

We want our children to grow and be independent but to never see or speak to their parents once they have left the country is despicable. Out of sight out of mind.

That's a really uplifting post Granny Grunter for all posters who have had or have children and grandchildren living abroad, which a lot of us have or had. especially at this time of year.
Happy New Year to you too and if you keep in the same frame of mind that you use here with your loved ones, you might be able to tell us first-hand what it feels like.

Bella23 well said

New poster GrannyGrunter is a really uplifting little ray of sunshine 🌞

GrannyGrunter

I have a neighbour whose sons went to live in America many years ago, but now her husband has died and they never came home for his funeral, she has no other relatives left and she is in her 80's and never, ever sees her sons. She is also housebound and relies on social services for everything.

Luckily I have sons living in the UK so see them regularly. I often imagined what it would be like if our sons moved a long way away to a different country so decided that if they went, I would go with them but if they said no, I would change my will and leave it all to a cat and dogs home.

The next time her sons will see her is when she is lying in her coffin. What a terrible state of affairs.

We want our children to grow and be independent but to never see or speak to their parents once they have left the country is despicable. Out of sight out of mind.

That's a really uplifting post Granny Grunter for all posters who have had or have children and grandchildren living abroad, which a lot of us have or had. especially at this time of year.
Happy New Year to you too and if you keep in the same frame of mind that you use here with your loved ones, you might be able to tell us first-hand what it feels like.

Yes NZ is a beautiful place , but isolated so I encouraged my son to go see the world -- expecting him to return and settle here .
He rekons he hasn't finished 'seeing the world '

I'm now trying to encourage DGS to choose uni in the UK 😉
Now there’s a thought Grammaretto !!

That's a sad story Juliet 😭
Also BlueBelle.
At least my DDiL is also from here so there are 2 families for them to see when they come and they have come over quite often.
Infact they are coming this Summer again.

My story is similar to yours 65kl I was born in UK but went to NZ as a baby. My dad was a Kiwi. He died and my DM brought us here when I was 10. I didn't want to leave NZ. I think my description of what a heavenly place it was and it is encouraged DS to go there. I never expected him to live there for ever.

I'm now trying to encourage DGS to choose uni in the UK 😉

I often wish 65KL that my children had emigrated to NZ rather than Australia. I’ve visited it a couple of times - beautiful country.

That will certainly be a wrench for you grandaisy

GranDaisy it’s really hard at first but it does become normal and gets better I truly feel for you it’s going to be so hard not just the missing but the area they are going to Keep your chin up
I know the next time I see my son (if I ever do) I ll be very old I don’t feel I can do that journey any more and the price is pretty difficult too but what can I do …. nothing so I have to live my life best I can and just plod on.
I ve only met my grandkids a handful of times they are now 26 and 22 both born out there I don’t really know them They have another nan and grandad around the corner
I talk with my son and daughter in law every week

I think it’s much much harder if the grandkids were born here and you had input in their lives

Grammaretto - yes NZ has a parent /grandparent visa that allows you to stay 6months at a time you can come and go and stay 18 months ( as long it's not more than 6months at one time ) in a 3 year period .

My parents came to NZ when I was 2 . So I grew up without extended family , I was often jealous of my friends going to visit grandparents cousins in the holidays.
Now my only son has emigrated back to Europe and has married and is raising a family there. My brother too returned and has his own family there . Now my parents have passed away I often feel a bit alone here , even though I have my life and good friends here . Think it's something about the bond of blood I feel I have missed out on .
I travel easily at moment and enjoy visiting them yearly . I
My grandmother often visited us in NZ and I have a lot of fond memories of her time with us . Her last trip was when she was 87 , travel then was not as easy as Now. I admire her for this , and hope when I'm 87 I will still get a plane .

I envy you all. Some families are better at keeping in touch than others. My whole family emigrated shortly after I married, so I have a lot of relatives in the antipodes, but don't hear from any of them.

GrandmaKT

Goldieoldie15 - as both your children live in Australia have you considered emigrating yourself? I know I would certainly consider it if it wasn't for my son and his family here (albeit 250 miles away!)

Both my children live in Australia and in 2016 we applied for a 143 contributory parent visa which when granted gives you permanent residency with various advantages such as Medicare. The final cost when granted would be around £25k each. It took 6 years for our application to even reach the top of a pile with the request for police and health checks but by then we felt more settled, were missing them less, their lives were busier and the thought of the upheaval of selling up and moving out didn’t appeal as much as when we first applied so we withdrew the application. The waiting list has increased considerably and it would take at least 10 years for that visa to be granted. There are other temporary visas if you stay and apply while there but without the advantages of a permanent visa, and there is still an amount to pay if the residency visa is eventually granted, again after many years.
As nanna says - emigrating is not easy.

I really feel for you all. My DD family are moving to middle east in 2024 with 3GC. I live a few mins walk away so I'm dreading it as I see them and help out a lot. Trying to find other things to do but I'm not a natural joiner of clubs.

What a shame nana8. I didn't realise it was so hard.
I'm glad your dad managed when he did.

Like others, I have other DC here as well as a sister and friends. I'll just have to enjoy the occasional visits to NZ while I still can.

I had heard that there was a granny visa which lasted for 6 months. Did I dream this?

It is incredibly difficult to emigrate to Australia these days if you are an older person. When my Dad came out, aged 80 , it was also very difficult in 2002 but it is even worse now. He had to , literally, sell his house and prove that he was fully self supporting. British pensions are frozen the minute you leave, miserable sods, and no Australian one of course.
No medical help available except the very basic stuff unless you were fully and expensively insured for a start. Full price for all medications. It is cruel.

Not to mention that Ill health prevents some of us from visiting family abroad