Offspring living in NZ

Yes my son, daughter in law and two grown grandkids are in NZ Saw my son this year first time in 8 years which is the last time I saw my grandkids I m also in my late 70 s Cath it’s tough isn’t it ? but it is what it is
No idea when I ll next see him he’s been there 25plus years
😢 we speak every weekend in the phone

Thanks so much for your quick reply.
You obviously know how I feel. I noticed even my older son shed a tear but he was very tired. What does help is to know he is happy in NZ and will feel better once he gets back to their animals. He is such a softy, the other day telling me how much he loves me with a few tears in his eyes. So today I repeated reminding him that he has many years ahead to enjoy his life.
Where do your lot live?
Nigel has been in NZ for 18 yrs and has now bought land where they had a house built.

We were the ones who left and I can tell you parting was very difficult every time we came back from visiting parents in the UK. Because you only see them every few years the ageing process hits you between the eyes, especially in their later years. When we left UK all our parents were young and spritely and working with their own lives and activities but when they got older and had health issues it was so hard to leave.

My DS is in NZ with partner and DS.
I am going out to see them in a few weeks but I'm already preparing to be saying goodbye again.
They've been there for 15 years and have no plans to return.
It's not easy as we get older is it.

OutsideAuckland * Cath* All I know is they are happy and have a beautiful home and good jobs and I have to suck it up accept it and smile (and I do most of the time)
That’s all there is to it

My daughter and three grandchildren live in NZ at present. They have been there two and a half years. My daughter wants to come home and bring the children back to live, but her husband refuses to allow the children to come back. In fact after she visited us this Autumn, he went into her house and took away the children’s passports and has told her he won’t allow her to bring them again. It’s a difficult situation. She left him shortly after they arrived in NZ because of his controlling behaviour. We’re going out again for six weeks at the end of the week. We’ll do the childcare as it’s summer holidays there.
You have my sympathy Cath.

maddyone that is so shocking. Can she not force him legally to return the passports.
I do feel sorry for all of you. It must be very hard knowing they are so far away.

That's awful ,maddyone. I hope she can find some peace. She won't be able to take the children back to the UK without his permission, sadly- the Hague convention I think it is, even if she has their passports. They would be fugitives and caught and sent back. Horrible situation to be in.

That is difficult for your DD and for you being so far away Maddyone I think the distance magnifies the worries too.

When DH was alive, we went out together a few times. I was fully intending not to travel on my own but my DGS, aged 11, has invited me so with much trepidation I shall be doing my first ever long distance flight by myself.
I make it sound as if I am flying the plane! 😉

That must be so upsetting for you all especially reading he has got their passports which surely is a matter for the law to take up.

Cath you say you haven’t seen your son for six years. That must be so very difficult for you, especially as you are now in your late 70s. I’m now 70 myself and I wonder how long we can continue to travel backwards and forwards to NZ because it is such a long way. Does your son have children? It’s difficult not to see them growing up isn’t it? Especially when we know our daughter wants to come back but can’t. The children also want to come back because as they say ‘my family live in England.’ Obviously going through the separation has been difficult for them too, and unsettled them a lot, especially without the support of wider family.
There is another mediation meeting set up for January and so we’ll see what happens then. However our daughter’s ex is apt to be untruthful and will say one thing and do something else. Apparently even documents drawn up by the lawyers and signed in their office are simply agreements that are unenforceable in law in NZ which surprised me somewhat, but this fact has enabled him to agree and sign to something and then renege on it. It’s simply not enforceable.

Bluebelle my family have moved around.
They did spend a short period in Auckland where I notice there is a Herne Bay, a town where I grew up, but in the correct one!
They then moved to Wellington but my daughter-in-law was not happy there so kept flying back to Tauranga with their daughter and where her parents live. So they bought a house in Tauranga which they sold two years ago after buying land only 30 mins inland from Tauranga. They have now had a house built on the land where they also have animals as mowers!
I should be content as he has a dear wife who has three sisters and is loved by her wide family also is the Head of the department where he works
For him it is, as one person put it;
The difficulty saying goodbye when seeing his mum now full of wrinkles! When he left my late husband was alive and we were near to Retirement age.

I was told that if your children were born in NZ there is a law that prevents them from moving countries if you get divorced.
This was a good 20 years ago.

My daughter and her children and her ex husband are ALL British and so that has no relevance here.

My one and only (step) son has been in Australia for 50 years now (he is only 8 years younger than me) and I go out there every year now since my dh died. My next trip is in February and I am going to apply for a Parental Visa whilst I am there this time so I can move there permanently! At 82, even a young, fit and healthy 82, it still feels like a huge decision for me, but I think it is the right choice now, it feels like the right time! Am I mad?

Grammaretto, i travelled alone to NZ last Christmas to visit my DD, DSiL and 2 DGC and i dubbed the flight home "the granny express" as there were a number of us grandmothers returning from visiting family. We got together and helped each other. Great fun - especially as it was sad coming home and leaving the family there

I have a neighbour whose sons went to live in America many years ago, but now her husband has died and they never came home for his funeral, she has no other relatives left and she is in her 80's and never, ever sees her sons. She is also housebound and relies on social services for everything.

Luckily I have sons living in the UK so see them regularly. I often imagined what it would be like if our sons moved a long way away to a different country so decided that if they went, I would go with them but if they said no, I would change my will and leave it all to a cat and dogs home.

The next time her sons will see her is when she is lying in her coffin. What a terrible state of affairs.

We want our children to grow and be independent but to never see or speak to their parents once they have left the country is despicable. Out of sight out of mind.

My only daughter and family are not in NZ but they are in America. This is our second xmas without them and I felt their absence so much. We were very very lucky to be able to spend a week with them at Thanksgiving, so it is unfair of me to feel this way. We too are in our late seventies, with no other family. I really feel very selfish feeling this way, think I will go out for a brisk walk to banish the blues !!!

Hello
Why am I only seeing messages in the above format?
This started this morning and is on new and historic posts.
I have changed my password twice but it hasn’t changed the format.

message.getViewNonQuoteSection($liu)

Sorry the above messages were meant to go to admin

I hear of families moving away ,without a concern for those left behind, There are so many variables involved ,did they move for work,to run away, for their spouses family the list goes on.
Is it hard on the elderly parent maybe with health problems with no other family or support? Ive a friend who chose not to have a family, who often used to say,none to make you laugh, but none to make you cry.

My daughter and family left for Australia a number of years ago and have had subsequent children since. Their life is there now and it has been a good choice for them. I try to get out at least once or even twice a year if I can whilst I am fit enough. Each time I go I feel I am looking older and feel it - early 70’s! No easy way to deal with not seeing them regularly and seeing the grandchildren at different stages but their life is certainly better there than the UK. It is what it is and we just need to accept it. Hopefully all grannies can keep a 2 way link across the oceans and make the most of visits but it is difficult particularly when you are on your own.

Parky you have made that journey sound like fun!
I'll let you know how I get on.