Concern about neighbour’s child

So-called "nosy neighbours" can save childen's lives. I'm not suggesting this child is being abused, but I think you should say something.

You mentioned two children. How old is the other one? Are they left with the 11 year old?

It’s not against the law to leave a child of 11 alone provided they’re safe. If you think he’s being left to fend for himself for long periods then if it was me I would make sure of the facts and make a confidential report to social services rather than speaking to the mother. Hopefully the school will deal with the truancy. I would just be concerned about his safety and the ability to get mixed up with some wrong ‘uns.

If he is not turning up at school, then the school will be talking with the mother about this.

As to him being on his own .... I was babysitting my 2 year old sister when I was 11. It is always difficult to decide what is or is not safe with children on that cusp between being capable of being left on their own or not. It often depends on the child's personality.

I would have a word with the mum - "I'm sorry you are having to cope on your own now - is there anything I can do to help?" See how she responds. It might help you to decide if you need to do anything further as you feel there is a serious danger to the boy.

How difficult. NSPCC say it would be better to leave a child under 12 with family. So it this child is 12 it may be ok. Is it for short periods? Does the child look happy, well fed.
So hard. What does a single mum do who needs to earn a living but has a child who can’t cope with school.
You say there are 2 children. How old is the other one.?

would you be willing and able to keep an eye on him if the mother made that request in response to your questioning her?

There's no legal age a child can be left home alone, but it’s against the law to leave a child alone if it puts them at risk.

From what you have said, it doesn’t sound as though he is. The transition from primary to seconday school can be hard for some children. Year 7 sees a lot of youngsters struggling. I suspect he’s going through a tough time too if his father has left.

I’d be inclined to have a quiet word with the boy over the fence when he’s playing football to see if he is home alone and if he’s alright. If his mum doesn’t know he’s wagging, knowing that you’ve noticed might make him stop. Let him know you are there if he needs anything until his mum gets home. Make him a sandwich. Ask if he needs any help with his schoolwork. If his mum does know he’s wagging and just has too much on her plate right now, she might be grateful of a kind neighbour.

If you felt the child was being abused, harmed, starved, un cared for then obviously act straight away. If however the child looks happy and is cared for then I like Luckygirls approach. Why not ask mum how she’s getting on and perhaps offer to keep an eye on the boy or help out if you can.
My DGS refused point blank to attend school. The school did all they could to persuade him to go back other than actually offer any practical or emotional help or support. My DIL had to give up work to look after him so he was lucky. If she was a single mum I don’t know what would have happened.

Difficult one this. If you think you are right and he’s being left then go ahead @nd contact safeguarding team . Be prepared for the mother to approach you though.

Im sure the school will be aware. Registration soon flags up truants and teams meeting with education welfare officers and pastoral heads take place on a regular basis. I was left alone much younger than 11 as im sure loads of kids are. No legal age limit when children can be left. I have years ago though reported a neighbour who regularly left her baby “asleep” whilst she collected her older child from school. I offered to collect the school age child but she refused saying the baby would be ok. It worried me to death.

In which case, deny everything.

I suspect the boy is suffering from "school refusal". This is more likely to happen when children start high school, so it fits with his age. Children can refuse to go to school for any number of reasons such as bullying or a mental health condition.

There are no quick fixes and SEN (special educational needs) and mental health services are stretched to the limit and take a very long time to offer support. Even then it can be woefully inadequate and the parents are generally left to cope on their own. So many young people are becoming lost to society as a result of the system.

My heart goes out to this young woman as a single parent. She has no option but to work, probably with a mortgage to pay and ever increasing bills, but at the same time she will be mortified at leaving her son home. I have no doubt that he causes her other difficulties too and I expect there is trauma and tears behind the scenes.

It's a truly horrible situation that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I would recommend keeping an eye on things. For example, is he well fed, suitably dressed, no signs of physical abuse or strange activity in the home.

If not, I really would not phone social services. The school will be well aware of his absences and he is probably awaiting an assessment.

As I said, the poor woman cannot afford to lose her job so she has no choice but to leave him at home. The very last thing she needs is a visit from social services but my guess is that some agency is already involved.

How do I know so much? I was in the same position except my son had just turned 13.

As an earlier poster said, I used to babysit for neighbours' babies & toddlers at 13 so if he's a sensible lad & he has you nextdoor who he could turn to in an emergency, & mum a mobile phone call away, he's probably not at as much risk home alone as he would be biking to school (which is encouraged from that sort of age).I would have a quiet word with mum you could say "dont they have a lot of in-service days now, I saw him out playing 2 or 3 days last week". Reporting is never the wrong thing to do, but if you're mistaken & there's an explanation for what you've observed, it's going to be upsetting for mum / son to be investigated.

TinSoldier

There's no legal age a child can be left home alone, but it’s against the law to leave a child alone if it puts them at risk.

From what you have said, it doesn’t sound as though he is. The transition from primary to seconday school can be hard for some children. Year 7 sees a lot of youngsters struggling. I suspect he’s going through a tough time too if his father has left.

I’d be inclined to have a quiet word with the boy over the fence when he’s playing football to see if he is home alone and if he’s alright. If his mum doesn’t know he’s wagging, knowing that you’ve noticed might make him stop. Let him know you are there if he needs anything until his mum gets home. Make him a sandwich. Ask if he needs any help with his schoolwork. If his mum does know he’s wagging and just has too much on her plate right now, she might be grateful of a kind neighbour.

Good advice, I think.

My sister was left in charge of us at this age too. But it was 50 + years ago, and things felt different then.

Talk to the mum .
Maybe she hasn't anyone to talk to or help her .
You may be able to offer he some helpful solutions / suggestions to her problem.
Sometimes people just don't know how to ask for help

If you still concerned after that go to social services
If things

Midnightblue

I think our next door neighbour’s child is being left alone. He is 11 or 12. The mum is recently a single parent, her husband has just left her and 2 children.

I am on good terms with her, just to have a brief chat if I see her getting in/out of her car. Recently I have noticed the boy is taking odd days off school, as we hear him playing football.

If he is just not going to school, that is between the neighbour and the school. When I’ve asked him about going to high school he says he doesn’t like it.

I’ve assumed my neighbour was working from home, but I’ve noticed her car isn’t there all day. During the summer holidays he played in the garden with his friends when I knew his mum was at work, I assumed one of his friends’ parents had charge of them, but I’m not sure now.

He may be playing truant without his mum’s knowledge, in which case I would have thought the school would have been in touch. Or he’s refusing school and she’s too harressed to do anything about it.

Should I say anything? I would feel terrible if something happened when he was on his own. On the other hand I don’t want to be a nosey neighbour. Unfortunately her best friend on the other side of the house has moved away, she would have talked to the mother about it.

What would other GNs do?

Do you think the mother thinks he's at school but he's bunking off and coming home again?

One of my DC just confessed to me, after 25 years, that she did this (to watch Wimbledon). She's a lecturer now btw.

Of course, if the father has just left, they will be having a tough time and the boy might be upset.

Unless you think he's being abused or neglected, don't contact Social Services. Have a chat with his mother, she may not know.

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies, sorry for the delay in replying.

The young lad is definitely well cared for, well dressed, appears well nourished and so on. The younger child has just started school, and is definitely not left in the care of the older child.

I will make sure he’s ok by having a talk over the fence when I hear him playing football on a school day. If I’m still concerned then, I will try to bring it up in conversation with his mum when I next see her.

When the neighbours previous to this family moved in we were on the point of calling social services. We’d heard a repeated and mournful calling of “Mummy, mummy”, coming from the garage first thing in the morning. It turned out to be their parrot, they used to put it in the garage at night. They had 4 children, and that was the only word the bird had picked up! 😆

I would talk to the mum and be friendly. "I can't help but notice that X is at home quite a bit during school time and thought you may not know"
You can add "he seems pretty OK though" or, if you want to "if you have to pop out do you want my number".

I think I'd do this first.

Could he be home-educated or part-time at school and have work to do when mum is out? I'm not clear if they moved next door after the split or if you knew them before?...

I think that is the best approach Midnightblue. Good to hear that he looks well cared for. It would be interesting to know the outcome. You are obviously a caring neighbour, not nosy at all.

I reported a couple to social services for leaving their toddler son home alone. The parents both worked at a care home about 6 miles away. They did different shifts so he used to drop her off at work in the morning.

The child was left in a cot in front of the upstairs window and was either bouncing up and down or crying his eyes out.
To give them their due, they turned up next day with a policeman and from then on they took the child with them!

That should read “to give social services their due”

I was left at home at that age and don’t think there is a risk. It would be helpful to the mother to say that she might tell X to contact her if there is ever a problem or something he was worried by so that there is an adult in the background. Presumably the school is on top of any absences and knows the child’s particular circumstances. It does sound as if support is what this little family needs just now.

Think of the young kids getting into trouble on the streets these days GrannySomerset, and recruited into county lines. Things are not like they were when we were 11.

Be a good neighbour and offer to keep an eye on this boy .

I really wouldn't call social services now .

I know of several innocent people , who were investigated by social services due to some sour grapes from their neighbours .

It caused them a great deal of stress and it was so unnecessary .