How can I deal with my friends cancelling on me?

Perhaps as Petra says the friendship has run its course. Leave it for a while and see if they contact you with hopefully a firm arrangement.

Maybe time for a new friend or 2.

A lot of people cook a meal in the evening and don't want to spend the afternoon at someone's house. I prefer to meet for a quick coffee and scone or tray bake in the morning.

I am not bitter or unpleasant and I am sure it is lovely to have GC. I did a 40 mile round trip to meet a friend for a pub lunch near to where she lived, she left me waiting for an hour then cancelled claiming her GC was poorly (nothing serious) and the child's parents were tired and needed sleep so she felt she had to step in.
I am coming to the conclusion that I don't want to keep playing along with this. Tomorrow morning as regular as clock work a local friend will be texting to find out when I am free and the juggling act begins again xxx

Whatever the reason, I don’t understand why the people cancelling don’t suggest a couple of other more suitable dates for the meet-up. If they valued the friendship they would do that. As for the suggestion that the OP should join in a conversation about other people’s grandchildren when she doesn’t have any of her own (which is a source of sadness to her) I say no, the friends should be the ones making an effort to not dominate the conversation with talk about grandchildren, but to talk more generally about subjects that everyone can talk about. That would be polite. It is not polite and is unfeeling for people to dominate conversations talking about their grandchildren, especially to a person who has none and would dearly love to have grandchildren.

I’m a believer in friendships can sometimes run their course.
I accept that.

could you arrange evening meet ups instead?

Great to hear I am not the only one with this issue Oasthouse. I am not trying to get a group of friends together, these are couples who have been coming to our place for lunch for many years and vice versa. We pre-arrange dates well in advance so its not illness issues. I totally agree with you cakmib, if I make an arrangement I stick to it. Each cancellation has been received by Whats app, no phone call to apologise. The latest was a meet up arranged in February on a Saturday but my friend has now decided to take the grandkids swimming. I am so infuriated I havent yet responded.

I havent any grandchildren either SunnySusie but I do know that late February is half term so that could be the reason for your friend's cancellation in Feb.

It is disappointing for you. I know from reading threads on Mumsnet and here on Gransnet that grandparents are often the mainstay of childcare for GCs. The vast majority of parents work and commercial child care is so expensive.

Personally I would say to these friends that it would be lovely to see them and leave it to them to give you the dates they are free. If daytime is busy for them, can you suggest the cinema for example or something else in the evening.

I have read on Gransnet threads from GNs saying their adult children are very demanding and it is difficult for them to say no. So maybe your friends are in that situation.

February is half term week.

crazy, not at the moment. But if I make an arrangement I stick to it.

I think the whole thing is muddied by constant pinging on the phone.

Good evening,
I have exactly the same issue. I try to be understanding and yet I am coming to the point of saying enough is enough. I have one good friend forever saying we must get together for lunch but can never find the time due to driving long distance too child mind, this friend hardly has the time to return a text message. While another makes arrangements only to rearrange or cancel on the day, if she does manage to come out its on a time restriction because of collecting GC from school, she spends the whole time checking her text messages and what the time is!

caknib - do you have grandchildren? Regardless, I do get your point.

Perhaps your friends could value themselves a bit more and not jump every time they asked.

Sorry, it sounds hurtful.

And often the cause is something unexpected and impossible to predict - the illness of a grandchild or their parents for instance means that "granny duty" has to be done. All you can do is suggest another date or choice of dates, remember to ask a bit later whether the invalid is improving.

With no grandchildren of your own you have no stories to contribute to your half of the conversation, so perhaps you need to ask more questions or comment more rather than just passively listening to your friends talking about their grandchildren, but I don't think that has any bearing on them having to cancel. They are probably as disappointed as you are.

If your friends have to cancel a date in February to look after their grandchildren then it could well be that the parents have asked if they could help out on that day. There days a lot of couples with children both work and if the school suddenly come up with an inset day or mum and dad both have work commitments that is often the point they ask the grandparents to step in.
I have a friend and we meet every week but we both understand family come first and either of us can cancel without hurt feelings if our family needs us.
I can also understand your disappointment and frustration at being let down all the time.
May I ask are you trying to meet up with one friend or a group of friends? Reason I ask is that it’s more difficult to get more than one person to agree to a specific date. I know when organising things for work , to get two or more people to agree on a date and stick to it can be difficult.
Hope you have your get together soon.

Are the cancellations always due to committments with grandchildren? Are these invitations always to the same couple or are there several people crying off due to grandchildren? Do you suggest alternative dates or do your potential guests suggest some?
Grandparents often have to commit to childcare if parents are working. Not really something they can cancel as it could make big problems for the parents.