How can I deal with my friends cancelling on me?

Are the cancellations always due to committments with grandchildren? Are these invitations always to the same couple or are there several people crying off due to grandchildren? Do you suggest alternative dates or do your potential guests suggest some?
Grandparents often have to commit to childcare if parents are working. Not really something they can cancel as it could make big problems for the parents.

If your friends have to cancel a date in February to look after their grandchildren then it could well be that the parents have asked if they could help out on that day. There days a lot of couples with children both work and if the school suddenly come up with an inset day or mum and dad both have work commitments that is often the point they ask the grandparents to step in.
I have a friend and we meet every week but we both understand family come first and either of us can cancel without hurt feelings if our family needs us.
I can also understand your disappointment and frustration at being let down all the time.
May I ask are you trying to meet up with one friend or a group of friends? Reason I ask is that it’s more difficult to get more than one person to agree to a specific date. I know when organising things for work , to get two or more people to agree on a date and stick to it can be difficult.
Hope you have your get together soon.

And often the cause is something unexpected and impossible to predict - the illness of a grandchild or their parents for instance means that "granny duty" has to be done. All you can do is suggest another date or choice of dates, remember to ask a bit later whether the invalid is improving.

With no grandchildren of your own you have no stories to contribute to your half of the conversation, so perhaps you need to ask more questions or comment more rather than just passively listening to your friends talking about their grandchildren, but I don't think that has any bearing on them having to cancel. They are probably as disappointed as you are.

Perhaps your friends could value themselves a bit more and not jump every time they asked.

Sorry, it sounds hurtful.

caknib - do you have grandchildren? Regardless, I do get your point.

Good evening,
I have exactly the same issue. I try to be understanding and yet I am coming to the point of saying enough is enough. I have one good friend forever saying we must get together for lunch but can never find the time due to driving long distance too child mind, this friend hardly has the time to return a text message. While another makes arrangements only to rearrange or cancel on the day, if she does manage to come out its on a time restriction because of collecting GC from school, she spends the whole time checking her text messages and what the time is!

crazy, not at the moment. But if I make an arrangement I stick to it.

I think the whole thing is muddied by constant pinging on the phone.

February is half term week.

I havent any grandchildren either SunnySusie but I do know that late February is half term so that could be the reason for your friend's cancellation in Feb.

It is disappointing for you. I know from reading threads on Mumsnet and here on Gransnet that grandparents are often the mainstay of childcare for GCs. The vast majority of parents work and commercial child care is so expensive.

Personally I would say to these friends that it would be lovely to see them and leave it to them to give you the dates they are free. If daytime is busy for them, can you suggest the cinema for example or something else in the evening.

I have read on Gransnet threads from GNs saying their adult children are very demanding and it is difficult for them to say no. So maybe your friends are in that situation.

Great to hear I am not the only one with this issue Oasthouse. I am not trying to get a group of friends together, these are couples who have been coming to our place for lunch for many years and vice versa. We pre-arrange dates well in advance so its not illness issues. I totally agree with you cakmib, if I make an arrangement I stick to it. Each cancellation has been received by Whats app, no phone call to apologise. The latest was a meet up arranged in February on a Saturday but my friend has now decided to take the grandkids swimming. I am so infuriated I havent yet responded.

could you arrange evening meet ups instead?

I’m a believer in friendships can sometimes run their course.
I accept that.

Whatever the reason, I don’t understand why the people cancelling don’t suggest a couple of other more suitable dates for the meet-up. If they valued the friendship they would do that. As for the suggestion that the OP should join in a conversation about other people’s grandchildren when she doesn’t have any of her own (which is a source of sadness to her) I say no, the friends should be the ones making an effort to not dominate the conversation with talk about grandchildren, but to talk more generally about subjects that everyone can talk about. That would be polite. It is not polite and is unfeeling for people to dominate conversations talking about their grandchildren, especially to a person who has none and would dearly love to have grandchildren.

I am not bitter or unpleasant and I am sure it is lovely to have GC. I did a 40 mile round trip to meet a friend for a pub lunch near to where she lived, she left me waiting for an hour then cancelled claiming her GC was poorly (nothing serious) and the child's parents were tired and needed sleep so she felt she had to step in.
I am coming to the conclusion that I don't want to keep playing along with this. Tomorrow morning as regular as clock work a local friend will be texting to find out when I am free and the juggling act begins again xxx

A lot of people cook a meal in the evening and don't want to spend the afternoon at someone's house. I prefer to meet for a quick coffee and scone or tray bake in the morning.

Perhaps as Petra says the friendship has run its course. Leave it for a while and see if they contact you with hopefully a firm arrangement.

Maybe time for a new friend or 2.

It seems that once you have grandchildren, you no longer have a life of your own! Odd how it is taken for granted that you will be thrilled to take over care of them. My neighbour is constantly called on as a child-minder. She grumbles that she never gets a minute to herself, but she doesn't say no. She envies the fact that I am free to go out on a whim whenever I wish.
I think grandparents should set down rules right from the start. Make it clear just what you are prepared to do, but don't allow your children to take it for granted that you are always available.

SunnySusie, you state that this is the third time this has happened since the New Year, so rather than you suggesting another arrangement to your friends why don't you let them take the lead by saying "it is unfortunate that you've had to cancel and I do understand that family comes first but can you offer up some convenient dates as we would love to get together" and leave it at that.
As others have suggested, some friendships do run their course and come to a natural end, which is unfortunate but it does happen.
Half term does fall in mid-February in my area although this might vary with different counties.
Cut these friends some slack, they've cancelled because of grandchildren.

It seems that once you have grandchildren, you no longer have a life of your own

Oh dear what a sour and bitter reflection!
You could say that once you have children you no longer have a life of your own
Or, once you have a loving partner you no longer have a life of your own
Or once you have friends..etc etc
A life of your own can too often be a life on your own and part of loving relationships is spending time with them, putting them first, giving (and receiving) love in return. And you do this out of choice -not out of obligation or duty.

So by all means rejoice in your life of your own remembering it can too often end up as a sad and lonely life on your own.

Most people will put their family, especially much loved grandchildren, before friends.
I wonder how pleasant these visits are for you if your friends talk about their grandchildren and your sadness as you have none.
As they have cancelled several times perhaps leave them to get in touch and hopefully you can find other friends who don't have grandchildren who you will have more in common with.

Agree with AgaA4.

I think that circumstances change and we have to adapt to them, friendships take work,trust and honesty.. I would not repeat your invitations but just see if they invite you to something.. it might well be that this friendship has run it's course and you can thank them for the time you did enjoy together but move on to make friends you have common interests with. It is not a failure it's just reality.. things change

My mother had a weekly arrangement to go antique hunting (they hoped !) and lunching with an old chum .
The friend didn't want to do anything else and mum began to get fed up spending hours in the car longing for a tea and a pee .
Rather than tell the friend that she wasn't happy with the arrangement - she began to use me as an excuse .
This caused a massive row and a lot of bad feelings .
On one occasion , this lady called me a user and an exploiter of my mother !

It's natural for these grandparents to want to be with their grandchildren and maybe their children are taking advantage of them , but perhaps they have little or no choice .

Three times since the New Year does seem a lot .
Perhaps , it would be best to stop inviting them for now .

I have Grandchildren and for what it is worth I think it is rude and ignorant to let people down. I have never done it especially three times.
I dont think it is being a Grandmother that is the problem, I think it is her attitude to it.
Time to move on OP she is not genuine.