Retiring as a solo female

I’ve been retired from primary teaching for 4 years. Don’t miss the job, or my colleagues. After 2 years + Covid my husband died. I’ve now downsized and live in the North West instead of the South West. It’s liberating, waking up with days to fill as I please. I joined a few groups, but found far too many women fond of their own voices. After a couple of years up here, I can say I just like to be by myself, in my tiny home, pottering in the garden, reading, but most of all listening to stuff on Radio 4 or 4 Extra, or audio books, all via my brand new hearing aids. The only thing I miss is a sense of feeling useful. I don’t volunteer because I couldn’t bear being bossed about again, but will keep searching for a purposeful activity to do!

Never bored, never lonely. I also retired at the end of 2020 - nearly one year into Covid so I couldn’t go anywhere or be with anyone. Stayed home a lot, of course - which was what I had longed to do for a long time - finally got my wish, but still talked to my family and friends. We were all in the same boat!

I’ve never felt more relaxed and happier than in my retirement. Independence! I have made time to learn something new every single day through reading, traveling, socializing, or just plain TV/movies. Relax. Some of the best years of my life!

I hope you enjoy retirement as much as I am. Still delirious over it after 3+ years!

Enjoyed working with lovely people - but retirement is even better. I’ve never been so happy or relaxed. This is the life!

I was only a couple of months of 70 when I retired. Best thing was not having to set an alarm each night, worst thing was no money being put into my bank account at end of each month.

I thought I had prepared really well for retirement, attend several meetings on this and had a list of local social groups I wished to join. Also took on some charity work. shop and delivering kosher meals on wheels.

Sadly my two best friends were dead, one just before and one just after my retirement. I felt this badly - the three of us had so often planned what we would do together. For two years I tried really hard, joined u3a locally, and other specific interest groups and found none of them particularly welcoming and nobody in any of them seemingly looking (like me) to form new friendships.

Eventually gave up except for one discussion coffee morning each week and a knitting group.

Then I moved to a small seaside town, now nearly 80 determined to have another go. Less than five months there was hit by covid lockdown. Fortunate that daughter who lived there would take her 11 year old out each day (glorious weather),and I would meet up with them in the park or on the beach. When this lifted I joined local u3a and my life changed, This is a large branch with lots of different interest groups each week/month.

I did lower my expectations - no longer seeking new friends, but do have lots of aquaintenances, always somewhere to go to meet up, have some group I can tie each days' activities around.

I think this is the answer, think about what you are expecting to get (and to give) in your retirement. Organisations like u3a and obviously individual interest groups and (for those who can go along this road) the churches can all offer things to do people to meet, outings, etc etc. Some people at these do build new, great individual friendships, other (like me) do not as my friendships were all built on so many common experiences we shared whilst our children were small.

If anyone is quite healthy would definitely recommend some sort of charity work, shops/ hospitals, schools, animal sancturies, parks, etc. are always in need of more volunteer staff, and such volunteering can be a way of using one's own interests and knowledge further.

I worked with my dh on family business I retired before he did. I then helped with GC most work days as our son worked away. I did not have time to twiddle my thumbs I was exhausted!

My dh struggled when he retired because I was occupied he spent a lot of time on his own. As a family we encouraged him to get more involved with his hobbies and making new friends that helped a lot.
We get the balance about right now hobbies volunteering and family retirement is all about adjustment.

Our pension is not a “freebie” Gumtree - we’ve worked b….y hard, paying our taxes and NI to enable us to have that pension. - I assume that’s what you mean by “freebies”? Please come back and correct me if I’m mistaken, but it certainly comes across as you meaning that in your post, though. As for many people “being extremely wealthy* in retirement, well, I would say they are the minority, not the majority. The state pension on its own, Gumtree is hardly generous. Yes, there are some wealthy pensioners, but not that many, most pensioners get by, but could hardly be described as living in the lap of luxury, and there are others who survive on the bare minimum, sadly, and don’t even have the fortune of being comfortable. As for getting work post state retirement age, well, that’s easier said than done if you’re not still employed. Those who think ageism doesn’t exist in the employment world anymore, think again.

No, loved it from day 1...I took early retirement 10 years ago, not regretted it. Im not a person who gets bored...Always something to do..

I worked full time 40 hours a week up to the day I retired eight years ago so it was all a bit odd at first. Initially I felt vaguely guilty as if I was bunking off school. I was amazed the first time my pension appeared in my bank account without me having to do any work. I had planned and pre-booked a long haul walking holiday before I left work so I started by walking every day to build up my stamina. It was the first holiday I had ever taken on my own with a small group and I was very nervous. I did however thoroughly enjoy it and when I returned home I finally realised my days in the office were over for good. It was very liberating, if a bit daunting. All that unstructured time. In fact I volunteered with the RVS, a job I still do for four hours once a week, and subsequently got a volunteer job as a receptionist one day a week. What with that and a regular rambling group I now have structure, colleagues and friends and am busy and happy. I realise I am very lucky and can only hope it lasts. The oldest RVS volunteer in our cafe is 82 so fingers crossed!

My ‘retirement’ happened slowly as I am a free lance professional classical singer and always had long periods without work. My teaching petered out caring for my DH with dementia/cancer and then I had two bouts of cancer.

I have very busy patches as I still sing, returned to painting in lockdown, enjoy joining things and travel, often alone. It’s easier for me as a widow as DH and I had different interests and he was a lot older. Yes, the house can be lonely, but a pet helps, cat in my case and the DC stay regularly.
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It’s so true that it’s up to us to organise our life, no life is perfect but there is so much to enjoy. I went on my own recently to a cinema live ballet performance, first time and loved it. Also matinees of local productions.
Find a passion!

I retired early at 50 to help out with family and my husband was able to retire then too. As it turns out that was a good move as he now is ill and unable to take part in life really.

We travelled took a language course not much learning but so much fun. We walked all the places we wanted to visit and had lovely overnights in beautiful hotels all over Scotland ate out in very good restaurants and generally had a wonderful time I’d think solo will be just as enjoyable. Make your plans and go for it. Retirement is just another chapter in your book . Enjoy it.

I took early retirement 10years ago at the age of 60. Being a WASPI meant Himself & I divvied up his lump sum on retirement to see us through those first 6 years. My lump sum was tiny by comparison so it went on manicures/hair salon/treating the grandchildren. I’m lazy by nature so retirement suits me down to the bluddy ground. We live in a small town centre apartment - very buzzy and I love it - but no garden to tend to, pets aren’t allowed, I have no crafting or (god forbid) exercise-type hobbies. Yet I love being retired.

I love reading. And can find myself ‘busy doing nothing’ 🎶 🎵
Childcare has never featured (lucky lazy me). I love children. But couldn’t eat a full one. I love my life. I used to go to Málaga frequently (we own a tiny apartment there bought 20y ago) but sadly Himself attends Christie’s regularly so that’s pretty much stopped for now. ‘Seize the Day’ indeed. None of us know what’s round the corner. Good thing sometimes.
#lazygran

The OP asks though about solo retirement. I expect that’s a whole different experience. There’s a fine line I imagine between being alone and being lonely. Some individuals are quite happy in their own company. Others are more social animals. If you are one of the latter group I suppose you have to put yourself ‘out there’ as no-one is going to knock on and ask are you playing out? Good luck OP. I hope you enjoy a long and happy retirement. Whatever your preferences.

I am relieved to hear that I'm not the only one feeling uncomfortable with retirement. It sounds as if I need to be patient and optimistic to get through this new lifestyle. For me, work has always been easier than life. Lack of motivation is what I struggle with but I will get over this eventually. Sometimes I feel as though I am grieving the loss of the person I was and trying to find myself now.

I loved retirement from day one, l was 61 when l went over the wall ! Now 4 years in and still feel the same, absolutely no regrets.

I also loved it immediately! Not having to set an alarm clock seemed the most wonderful thing to me. I had time to do anything I wanted and am lucky enough, living in London, to have a million things on my doorstep (i.e. free museums, walks etc). I can understand it would be a lot different if you are living somewhere more remote but I have never been busier.

I was a single parent to 1 daughter who married and had her own family. I gradually reduced my working hours, & income obviously, so by the time I actually retired Xmas Day 2020 I was doing a 3 day week, and knew I’d cope with just my state pension. Having worked during the first year of Covid, the lockdown, online communication with family and friends, I was pretty sure I’d be ok once I retired. Glad to say I was right. I read, knit, see friends and family and am happy with my own company. I still have my elderly step mum nearby who I see at least every other day, and my even more elderly mum who I phone every day as she lives 200m away. Life is ok 🥰

I retired in January and definitely feel as though I’m still adjusting. Like so many others I had become unhappy at work mostly due to high stress levels. The first month was a shock as I didn’t immediately feel the release I expected and still rushed around at a million miles an hour. However I’m definitely slowing down now and looking forward to spending the summer in my garden. All my plans of joining groups and looking for voluntary work are on hold and I’m relishing the fact that that my time is my own and not being accountable to anyone. My DH passed away 6 years ago and this was definitely not the retirement I expected when I was younger but it’s the one I have and I’m lucky to have my health and supportive family around me.

I love retirement and do Yoga, Tai Chi, and have done intensive drawing and painting courses so have met loads of lovely artists. And take advantage of Zoom by doing a 2 hour call every week. We have Art Open Houses, Festivals, Sunday Assembly and a jolly good library with lots of events. There is so much on offer that is free or doesn't cost very much ie U3A.. if you look for it.. I live alone but enjoy that, just need to get a social life outside my home. I hope you enjoy your retirement..

I volunteered with WRVS and took elderly people for shopping or took elderly people to Appointments that they didn't have transport to go to. I also helped deliver Meals on Wheels with the team.
I loved that as I met lots of people that I wouldn't have met otherwise

leapyearnan this doesn't help you since you're already retired but I was browsing in W H Smith books after work one day, many years ago and I came across the retirement advice section. One book was entitled, 'Men Who Retire Without a Plan...' (I won't add the final word of the title. Luckily, I'm not a man! Basically, it said that, for a man to go from a life defining job, feeling needed, occupied, responsible, valued, having a routine, a reason to get out of bed, etc. to nothing is very risky indeed.

Anyway, many replies on here advocate finding a hobby, U3A, friendship group, that kind of thing, after retirement. The point is, people approaching retirement need to make plans and act on them right now. Find a hobby you love right now, set up and maintain friendship groups, research volunteering if that appeals, dust off your sewing machine and get it serviced, sort out your tool box, tidy the shed, make a list of jobs you don't have time for right now.

If you're approaching retirement, plan for it now!

I had retirement forced onto me because of stress at work etc. It took me about 2 months of being a couch potato to realise that I just couldn’t go back to the job. So I retired but I wish now that I had tried to get another job. I was 62 at the time and the extra money would have made such a massive difference to my life. Hubby received a massive amount in the form of an inheritance but he spent it on what he wanted. Selfish I thought at the time but we had only been married 7 years at the time and it was from his parents. I don’t have much in savings now and I am 72 years old. BUT I do love doing my crafts which I can get really involved with and totally enjoy. I don’t have any immediate friends in the area and I do get days when I am crippled with loneliness. I battle with depression on a daily basis while hubby keeps himself busy in his man cave. I hope you enjoy every day of your retirement. Hugs.

I was retired whilst my OH was alive, but unfortunately he was not well so that took up a great deal of my time. But I kept up with the choir I run and also a choral society, so that they would still be there for me after his death.

Since then I have joined the local U3A which has been very positive, and as well as joining in various groups, I run concert trips for them. And I do lots of other things too, such as organising publicity, writing/designing concert programmes, helping to run a village organization, trustee of the village hall, picking up GC from school etc.

All these things keep me engaged with life, but I do still find it hard. I go to things and really enjoy them, but I still go home on my own, while many others go home as couples. I do not think I will ever get used to that.

I was on my own over the whole of the Bank Holiday weekend - family all away, friends off doing stuff with their families. It hurts sometimes.

Well, retiring, where do I start …..
I was apprehensive in the weeks leading up to leaving work as I was worried I would miss the social side and also with being on my own, that I would be lonely.
I think so much of what we are is defined by what we do and I was worried I would be nothing, really.
However, I was given a marvellous sendoff with lots of gifts, best wishes, cards, flowers, hugs, kisses - a lovely leaving do and I felt really loved when I left work.
So starting with the reality that this is now life, I wondered how I would feel.
However, two months in and I’m surprisingly alright with it actually. I have sufficient pension to enjoy life, holidays, meals out, weekends away - that sort of thing.
I try and get out and walk every day.
I volunteer as an usher at my local Theatre so I see lots of productions free of charge! I’m going to go back to Pilates next week and I’m fortunate enough to live near my family so I enjoy seeing my grandchildren regularly and they are such a joy! ❤️
I also have plenty of lie-ins and late nights and the freedom to please myself!!
And I am lucky enough so far to still have my health.
So all in all, I think this retirement lark is going okay.
Good luck to anybody about to retire.
Take one day at a time, just chill and enjoy a slower pace of life x

Gumtree

How about cancelling retirement?
Just continue working with opportunities to cut back hours. There is so much wasted talent not being made full use of and many of us who would like to continue, in order NOT to feel worthless etc. And what about pension money? Many of my friends are extremely wealthy and are receiving enough money from the state between them, to put right the NHS, schools etc overnight and they wouldn’t even notice if they didn’t have it! I personally feel it’s insulting to have freebies handed out, unless really needed, just because we are ‘old’.

How old are you Gumtree?

My mantra is I’m grateful…. Very grateful for being well and fit enough to enjoy retirement as others are not so lucky.

Really interesting reading everyone’s comments.
I’ve learned we are all different. I love driving, so will take myself off for days out, weekends away, train trips into London. My friends wouldn’t dream of doing anything on their own. It happened for me because my friends are married, I’m single with 2 DDs and 3 Gds who live 5 mins away but have busy lives. I wanted to go to an event one day and had no one to go with so I decided to go along on my own, I’ve never looked back. I do have a good friendship group that I think when you’re single is important. There’s a big wide world out there and whilst I’m able bodied and financially able to I’m going to explore it. I’m sure it will all fall into place for you very soon. 🌸

Are we still bumping?