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Should I remake my Will?

(66 Posts)
Beckett Mon 20-May-24 10:26:09

When my husband died I remade my Will leaving 50% of my estate to my husband's nephews and nieces and 50% to mine (we had no children).

Even when he was alive we had very little contact with my husband's nephews and nieces and I can honestly say I wouldn't know them if I passed them in the street. Since his death I have had no contact with them at all. My own nephews and nieces, although living in a different country, often make contact keeping me up to date with what they are doing and asking about my life and welfare

I am torn about whether to change my Will leaving out my husband's nephews and nieces, after all it was mostly his hard work which generated the money I have but it seems as far as they are concerned I don't exist.

Am I being petty and unreasonable? Should I leave my Will as it stands?

sharon103 Mon 20-May-24 13:54:36

No I wouldn't leave them anything. Why give money to people who as you say, you wouldn't know them if they passed you in the street.
I would give the remainder to close friends and charities.

Norah Mon 20-May-24 16:11:36

If this were me, I'd re-make my will, leaving a bit to my nieces and nephews (do you actually know if a legacy would affect them?) and the rest to Church/charity.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 20-May-24 16:42:52

I wish everyone would leave something to charity.

62Granny Mon 20-May-24 17:14:01

I think you are feeling guilty because you have already said one thing but now want to change it, but his nephew's and nieces don't know, you could always leave the something, enough for a meal out and perhaps something that belonged to him or his family, a photo of their parents/ Grandparents and your husband when they were children for instance . They probably won't really expect anything if there has been little contact over the years, and if they do tough luck they should have kept in touch.

Skydancer Mon 20-May-24 22:04:52

I agree with you, GSM. In fact I don’t understand why anyone would not leave something to charity as, in life, there is always something dear to our hearts. For me, it’s wildlife and nature. For others, medical charities or the lifeboats perhaps … hundreds of amazing causes which would be so grateful and would use the money wisely rather than an uninterested relative who may waste it.

Esmay Tue 21-May-24 09:42:41

If these relatives don't bother with you - why leave them anything ?
I'd leave it to those who do .
And if you feel strongly about about any particular charity then , a donation to them as well .
Meanwhile enjoy life and stop worrying about it !

Chestnut Tue 21-May-24 10:21:39

Just to mention, if your husband really wanted to leave to his own family then he could have /should have left to them when he died. As it is, he has left his money to you, so do with it what you wish, and from what you say that definitely doesn't include his family. They have no claim on his estate whatsoever so do not feel obliged to them.

Flossieturner Tue 21-May-24 10:31:10

I would assume that your husband would have wanted his money to go to the people who have continued to care about his wife. I would leave it to your own family as they seem to care.

Beckett Tue 21-May-24 10:36:34

Many thanks for the replies and advice. I know you are right and I think I will change my Will. I will leave money to those nephews and nieces who have kept in touch and also two charities we have supported. Thank you for helping me make up my mind!

Callistemon21 Tue 21-May-24 11:17:15

Leave the money to those who keep in touch and care about you and leave some to a charity which means something to you.

In the meantime, don't stint yourself - spend and enjoy yourself! Don't forget, too, you may need a substantial sum if you have to go into care, we all hope we won't but we don't know.

polnan Wed 22-May-24 11:39:39

I agree with you Callistemon21

Ziplok Wed 22-May-24 11:55:16

I agree with the majority of other posters who suggest you leave anything left to those who contact you, plus, perhaps, a donation to a charity. You could, of course, leave those who don’t keep in touch a token gift if that would make you feel more comfortable, but to be honest, it sounds as if they are getting on with their lives without including you in any way, so I think you have every right to do the same.

However, do enjoy your money whilst you are here, don’t stint. If any is left, all well and good, but really, enjoy your money while you can, don’t feel you have to save it for someone else to spend at a future date.

knspol Wed 22-May-24 12:40:00

As a compromise why not leave 50% to your nephews and nieces and then the other 50% to a charity that your DH supported. Maybe that would make you feel more as if you are doing what your DH would have wanted?

62dg Wed 22-May-24 13:22:33

I would leave the bulk to your family and a token amount as said to your husbands relatives.

Gille Wed 22-May-24 13:23:10

But you do have someone else to leave things to; your family!

Rainnsnow Wed 22-May-24 13:25:20

While u are still alive spend and enjoy your money. I see lots of older people putting stuff off due to fear of spending. You can now suit yourself and if u wish leave small amounts to others you love or like in your will . Being related doesn’t matter if you’re never present

freyja Wed 22-May-24 13:26:56

No you are not being petty. Why do we feel obliged to leave anything to people just because they are distant family, when we are gone.

You say that your DH worked hard for the money, yes he did but he could not have done it without you looking after his welfare. He also worked hard for his family, namely, you. So do not feel guilty about changing your will. The money is for your security and if there is any left after you have gone it will go to anyone or charity that you have chosen as it's your decision what happens to it. So change your will if you wish in the knowledge that your DH would approve of your choice.

Dylant1234 Wed 22-May-24 13:36:20

I always find it odd and somewhat sad when people don’t know to whom to leave an inheritance and often leave it to relative(s) whom they hardly know or bother with just because they are relatives. Surely they must know someone, or a family, or local youngster(s) in training for whom an inheritance would be life- changing. A cleaner, or pensioner struggling to live on state pension. A single parent. The list is endless and would be fun to write - also maybe a small local charity run by volunteers ………

Meme60 Wed 22-May-24 13:55:40

Scribbles

I think you should leave your assets to the people you care about - those nephews and nieces who have kept in touch.
I have never understood why simply being related by blood to someone, with whom you have little or no contact or closeness, should entitle you to their worldly goods when they die.
Your husband's relatives clearly didn't give a fig for him when he was alive so why should they benefit from his hard work and prosperity?
Leave your money where you feel it's deserved.

Couldn’t agree more! It’s your money now, do with it what you want!

Damdee Wed 22-May-24 14:26:59

In my opinion, if they don't stay in touch they won't even know you have died. So leave the money as you wish - your family, your chosen charities or whatever you like.

JudyBloom Wed 22-May-24 14:30:48

From from you have said Beckett, I would tend to choose what you yourself would like.

Mt61 Wed 22-May-24 15:33:31

Yep leave their share to the people that help you, friend, neighbor, or a charity.

leeds22 Wed 22-May-24 15:38:23

My aunt made a new will when her husband died, leaving everything to her side of the family. My uncle had little contact with his cousins, so I don't think she did anything wrong. Perhaps leave some of DH's 'half' to a charity he may have supported.

LottieLouise Wed 22-May-24 15:52:24

You say that you re-made your will when your husband died. Did the original will, made by yourself and your late husband, include his nephews and nieces as well as yours. If it did then I would go along with your late husbands wishes and leave half to his family and half to yours.

pascal30 Wed 22-May-24 15:55:00

I would look at doing some really amazing activities or holidays for yourself, maybe treat friends too, whilst you're still alive and active.. and if there's any left leave it to your favourite charities..