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Should I remake my Will?

(66 Posts)
Beckett Mon 20-May-24 10:26:09

When my husband died I remade my Will leaving 50% of my estate to my husband's nephews and nieces and 50% to mine (we had no children).

Even when he was alive we had very little contact with my husband's nephews and nieces and I can honestly say I wouldn't know them if I passed them in the street. Since his death I have had no contact with them at all. My own nephews and nieces, although living in a different country, often make contact keeping me up to date with what they are doing and asking about my life and welfare

I am torn about whether to change my Will leaving out my husband's nephews and nieces, after all it was mostly his hard work which generated the money I have but it seems as far as they are concerned I don't exist.

Am I being petty and unreasonable? Should I leave my Will as it stands?

Gille Wed 22-May-24 13:23:10

But you do have someone else to leave things to; your family!

62dg Wed 22-May-24 13:22:33

I would leave the bulk to your family and a token amount as said to your husbands relatives.

knspol Wed 22-May-24 12:40:00

As a compromise why not leave 50% to your nephews and nieces and then the other 50% to a charity that your DH supported. Maybe that would make you feel more as if you are doing what your DH would have wanted?

Ziplok Wed 22-May-24 11:55:16

I agree with the majority of other posters who suggest you leave anything left to those who contact you, plus, perhaps, a donation to a charity. You could, of course, leave those who don’t keep in touch a token gift if that would make you feel more comfortable, but to be honest, it sounds as if they are getting on with their lives without including you in any way, so I think you have every right to do the same.

However, do enjoy your money whilst you are here, don’t stint. If any is left, all well and good, but really, enjoy your money while you can, don’t feel you have to save it for someone else to spend at a future date.

polnan Wed 22-May-24 11:39:39

I agree with you Callistemon21

Callistemon21 Tue 21-May-24 11:17:15

Leave the money to those who keep in touch and care about you and leave some to a charity which means something to you.

In the meantime, don't stint yourself - spend and enjoy yourself! Don't forget, too, you may need a substantial sum if you have to go into care, we all hope we won't but we don't know.

Beckett Tue 21-May-24 10:36:34

Many thanks for the replies and advice. I know you are right and I think I will change my Will. I will leave money to those nephews and nieces who have kept in touch and also two charities we have supported. Thank you for helping me make up my mind!

Flossieturner Tue 21-May-24 10:31:10

I would assume that your husband would have wanted his money to go to the people who have continued to care about his wife. I would leave it to your own family as they seem to care.

Chestnut Tue 21-May-24 10:21:39

Just to mention, if your husband really wanted to leave to his own family then he could have /should have left to them when he died. As it is, he has left his money to you, so do with it what you wish, and from what you say that definitely doesn't include his family. They have no claim on his estate whatsoever so do not feel obliged to them.

Esmay Tue 21-May-24 09:42:41

If these relatives don't bother with you - why leave them anything ?
I'd leave it to those who do .
And if you feel strongly about about any particular charity then , a donation to them as well .
Meanwhile enjoy life and stop worrying about it !

Skydancer Mon 20-May-24 22:04:52

I agree with you, GSM. In fact I don’t understand why anyone would not leave something to charity as, in life, there is always something dear to our hearts. For me, it’s wildlife and nature. For others, medical charities or the lifeboats perhaps … hundreds of amazing causes which would be so grateful and would use the money wisely rather than an uninterested relative who may waste it.

62Granny Mon 20-May-24 17:14:01

I think you are feeling guilty because you have already said one thing but now want to change it, but his nephew's and nieces don't know, you could always leave the something, enough for a meal out and perhaps something that belonged to him or his family, a photo of their parents/ Grandparents and your husband when they were children for instance . They probably won't really expect anything if there has been little contact over the years, and if they do tough luck they should have kept in touch.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 20-May-24 16:42:52

I wish everyone would leave something to charity.

Norah Mon 20-May-24 16:11:36

If this were me, I'd re-make my will, leaving a bit to my nieces and nephews (do you actually know if a legacy would affect them?) and the rest to Church/charity.

sharon103 Mon 20-May-24 13:54:36

No I wouldn't leave them anything. Why give money to people who as you say, you wouldn't know them if they passed you in the street.
I would give the remainder to close friends and charities.

welbeck Mon 20-May-24 13:49:57

GSM puts it well, as so often.
and has great experience in these matters.
listen to her, OP.
good luck.

honeyrose Mon 20-May-24 13:47:41

Beckett, could you leave a very small amount (as a gesture) to your late DH’s nieces and nephews, but with the bulk to your family? Maybe your late DH would’ve wanted that. I do agree with others though, in that if his family have not contacted you at all, why leave them anything? I would feel inclined, instead, to leave some money to charity, but most of your estate to your family, to the people who DO stay in touch.

Skydancer Mon 20-May-24 13:33:41

I wouldn't leave them anything. Just because they are related to your late husband doesn't mean he owes them anything. There are plenty of deserving causes out there. Is there something or someone dear to your heart who could benefit from a legacy? Do not feel guilty about those who do not care about you. Or is there a cause that your husband cared about that you could give money to?

nandad Mon 20-May-24 13:29:37

I have rewritten my will recently and removed my brothers, niece and nephews. They have been replaced by my friend’s adult children who I hear from and invite me to their events.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 20-May-24 13:21:34

In your position I would leave my money to my nieces and nephews. Your husband wasn’t very interested in his nephews and nieces, who didn’t bother with him and seemingly couldn’t care less about you. I wouldn’t leave them a penny.

Primrose53 Mon 20-May-24 12:56:24

I have two friends who never had kids. One is unmarried and has two adult nieces who only turn up when they want something. All her estate will go to them.

The other one is in a civil partnership and the two nieces are on her partner’s side. She has no family at all. She never sees them either just a Christmas card. Her partner is rather bossy so I imagine he has persuaded her to leave all their estate to them.

Just leave your estate to those who stay in touch.

Allsorts Mon 20-May-24 12:46:44

I personally wouldn't leave my money to those I never saw, that includes children or grandchildren. You bring me flowers when I’m alive not dead, same with contact, a text occasional FaceTime in their busy lives wouldn't hurt, so I’m sure they won’t have the time to decide what to do with money from that person they never communicated with.. There are lots of people I meet who have little but a big heart, I would like to change their lives, but that’s just me. Animal charities, Lifeboats, that work for no reward.

Kabano Mon 20-May-24 12:42:33

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BlueBelle Mon 20-May-24 12:38:27

If your husband wasn’t that bothered but did it because there was nothing else then why follow that rather slippy pattern leave it to whoever gives you pleasure and care or to your favourite charity

Magsymoo Mon 20-May-24 12:29:14

Why not consider making a donation to a Charity instead? There are so many in need these days, a decent legacy could make all the difference to someone’s life. I think I am correct in saying that a charitable donation also reduces the tax bill on your Will.