When being helpful not being helpful & drives you crazy

She is probably having the ‘jitters’ about travelling to this concert. Something has changed between November and now. Her health, perhaps. Is the ticket transferable. She could sell it on to someone who is interested.

This made me smile because I’m the organiser for agreed outings with all my different groups of friends and they all behave quite differently when informed of where, when and how much!

Most read it once and give me a thumbs up in reply, some need reassurance/reminders on a weekly basis because they can’t scroll back through messages.

There are one or two who almost need me to wake them early with breakfast, dress them and offer a door to door service on the day before tucking them in bed with cocoa and a story!

I love them all but ….🫨

Your relative would drive me mad, NanaTuesday. You have the patience of a saint. Soon it will all be over. Make a mental note never to do it again!

Sounds like anxiety to me. You’ve helped all you can, just hang on to patience and enjoy the event.

I tend to be the organiser as well!
One train trip with a friend years ago, I researched, sent her the details, bought the tickets. Sent her all the timings.
Nearer the time she needed me to send her the details again as she'd deleted everything!
I was tempted to say something...

That made me laugh Pantglas 🙂
There are always the faffers, I expect others to be as organised as I am, often they aren’t, it’s the price you pay for being chief planner.
You then choose whether just to go on your own next time, take total control, or rely on someone else to sort it out.

Germanshepherdsmum

Your relative would drive me mad, NanaTuesday. You have the patience of a saint. Soon it will all be over. Make a mental note never to do it again!

Germanshepardmum
Funnily enough or not in this case .
There was a long haul trip being planned , this person along with myself & 2 other relatives being the travellers. It had been in the planning stages since summer 2023 with dates agreed , holidays from work agreed where needed . We had arranged a day to get together to book flights ( travelling across London & beyond ) To cut a long story short , this was the very person who hadn’t even looked at anything that had been sent regarding flights , flight plans that had been meticulously arranged to suit everyone . So I shouldn’t be surprised 😳
This trip has been grounded for now due to personal reasons for one of the other travellers . I feel that I can breath a sigh of relief about that & make my excuses next time .

Jaxjacky

That made me laugh Pantglas 🙂
There are always the faffers, I expect others to be as organised as I am, often they aren’t, it’s the price you pay for being chief planner.
You then choose whether just to go on your own next time, take total control, or rely on someone else to sort it out.

Jaxjacky
Plantgas
Yes , I am always the one on top of bookings , if we get a family wedding invite for instance , it’s me who will book the hotels for every one . The same for most things . I can’t work out why this person just hasn’t grasped the concept .
As I haven’t heard since the last message 17/06 I will leave as is .
I did already say at the end of last week when we had the exact same scenario ‘ just let me know what time train you book ‘
Which left it in their corner . I’m not repeating it as it will just seem like I am being annoying 😢

Oh dear. But perhaps you have been spared …

crazyH

She is probably having the ‘jitters’ about travelling to this concert. Something has changed between November and now. Her health, perhaps. Is the ticket transferable. She could sell it on to someone who is interested.

CrazyH
I know health is often an issue here but I didn’t think of it like that , thank you for pointing it out 🙏
I have the ticket as like everything nowadays it is an ‘ e ticket’ . 🎫
Though , I haven’t had the ££’s for it as yet , which I wasn’t too concerned about but yes I am sure my DH will come if push comes to shove though that would mean an additional cost for our pooches .

Germanshepherdsmum

Oh dear. But perhaps you have been spared …

Germanshepardmum ,
My thoughts has gone in that direction lately😂

I would just leave her to buy the ticket and expect to go to the concert alone.. maybe she'll get round to it...

@NanaTuesday - is it possible that this person has financial worries or doesn’t like to part with their cash?
I’ve a friend who counts every penny and I’ve noticed she is so afraid of parting with her cash that she goes back and forward with arrangements (like countless WhatsApp messages) that I wonder is she afraid to purchase in case there is a cheaper deal around the corner. And then she gets really stressed at the last minute, often because she has missed that cheaper deal.

I can see that all this is really annoying. Is this person becoming demented? If so, the anxiety and inability to follow instructions would be typical of that condition.

Perhaps there is something else going on …Health for example ?

Some people are completely exhausting when you try and organise anything with them .
And yet they want to go out .
As it's a relative you are trying harder than you would with a friend !

I've known one of my friends for about five years .
I find organising events with her totally exhausting to the extent that I don't enjoy them and can't face another trip out .
There's the endless discussion about trivia .
What number bus am I getting / did I get ?
What time did I leave the house ?
Don't cross the road !
She doesn't like public transport nor taxis .
She's frightened of the dark .
She claims to have agoraphobia then claustrophobia .
She finds people alarming and frightening .
She has endless food allergies and illnesses and never stops talking about them .
Last time , we saw a film she talked all the way through it . I have no idea what happened .
She helped me with church flowers and drove me so crazy that I agreed to her going home early .
I had so many to do .
I'm sorry to say it , but I've caught her out on endless lies and now the bad tempers has begun - I don't like being snapped at when I go out .
I saw her last week she interrupted my conversation with a friend and I was cool towards her .
I was half tempted to phone or message her about a film that I want to see .
But I'm setting myself up for another disappointment .

Does she really want to go on this trip?

Sometimes you can say yes out of politeness when something is being planned months in advance, I have been guilty of that whilst thinking I will cancel nearer the time, wrong I know but when you have someone in group that is enthusiastic it can be difficult at the time to simply say “ I dont want to come”, in this case it could be why she doesn’t want to spend money when she has no intention of going.

I would never say yes to something to far in the future as I may not fancy it anymore later..
at a group I belong to many put names down at time but the event made a loss because when the time came they didn't get enough people show up.

Oh dear, how awkward. I certainly wouldn’t be planning any more get togethers with this person, unless you want to drive to her house, which I rather doubt.

I have reached the decision that if I want to do something, or go somewhere, I have to be able to manage it myself and make all my own arrangements. It is no good relying on anyone else. My family are lovely, but just too busy and rightly so. The exception will be medical emergencies of course.
Sometimes it means I decide not to get a ticket for something I would really like to go to, if the journey is too tricky, for whatever reason. So be it.

I know people like it and sometimes I suspect they can’t be bothered so rely on you to do it all . They will never change !

You will know in future, if there is one to do it yourself no matter what your friend says. That lot would be too stressful for me to deal with.

I am an organising type of person but I have given up. A friend messed me around so much with choosing a holiday that everything was fully booked and we had to travel at a more expensive time to somewhere not nearly as nice. She could not make up her mind. In the end I said I was happy to go wherever she wanted to go..... but even that didn't help! She kept faffing around, agreeing on a trip and then emailing the next day saying no.

Another time I arranged a coach trip for my Art Group pre pandemic to go down to Dartmouth for the day. They complained about pretty much everything -

"This coach is going too slowly",
"Can the driver divert to drop me at my door?" which everyone suddenly joined in wanting him to do. (He couldn't.)
"I've forgotten to bring any lunch."
"We should have booked for a sunnier day."
"Why isn't there a toilet on board this coach?"

2 people wandered off in Dartmouth and didn't come back to the coach at the appointed time so we had to split up to look for them.

I got home with a migraine! Never again.

You ask how hard it can be to use a trainapp?

Well, that depends on the following:

I have no idea what your trainapp is like, as I don't live in Britain, but the Danish railway company's online booking service is a nightmare to use, even if like me, you are completely used to booking things online.

Anyone who can barely use a computer or smartphone really will need someone to do it for them.

Quite apart from that, your relative may be regretting ever having said she would go on this trip - have you asked her whether that is the problem or whether she wants you to book for her (if you are willing to do so, that is)?

I would think doing so would be easier than the situation you describe.

I wonder if your relative is more accustomed to travelling with from her home (husband, adult child) and is finding setting off alone difficult? Maybe even locking up alone is a challenge.