How would you deal with this?

She must have known it was a bit of a cheek to ask - now she knows you cannot be pushed about. The feelings will die down, and she will be a bit more careful about asking favours of you. After all this is not an emergency dash to A&E - just a pleasure jaunt. You have not at all been horrible - just not been taken advantage of.

There just skinflints, rather inconvenience a neighbour than shell out for taxi.

To be honest I probably would have given a lift (unless it was the bloke next door who does all he can to alienate us).

Asking for a lift at that time of day is a cheek That's what taxis are for Some folk just like other folk running after them though

I would have got up an hour earlier for some people but not others.

I dont see any reason to feel bad if you didn’t want to help, just forget about it, they will either move on or not, you were not that close anyway.

Sometimes it’s the thin end of a wedge! I was asked to give a colleague a lift to work following a minor op. It was not on my usual route but I agreed to be helpful. From that day on, until I left the job, she expected me to be her taxi every day and got really annoyed is I was unable to pick her up for a good reason. Consequently I never agree to offer lifts, just in case it becomes expected.

I think you did the right thing atherineca as most people would have immediately of booking a taxi at that time in the morning.

It would also have meant further, possibly inconvenient requests in the future so I think you have avoided that minefield. Because I think doing things which one isn't really happy with can cause resentment and mean trying to avoid the one who puts us on a guilt trip....when we are willing to help reasonable requests quite happily. Resentment isn't good.

It's on her that she made you feel uncomfortable and sulked when you said no, which was the response you chose. You were under no obligation. So know you were reasonable and she was trying her luck.

I've had something similar here...gradually being manipulated to give far more than I am able to give a neighbour who used whining, self pity and sulks to get me to respond to her demands. Instead of just asking!

One day she was angry with me for not being in one evening when she'd phoned. I had been enjoying a walk in evening sunshine which I've explained I do in the summer and I'd also told her she had both landline and mobile phone numbers [so why not try both]. I had not realised until the next day that I'd had a phone call and phoned her as soon as I saw that I had.

Phone calls anyway had been increasing and getting longer and longer.

She was so angry and I felt so trapped as I gave her as much of my time as I could...time, company, listening for hours on the phone and fetching items from shops etc.etc. So I stated a couple of reasonable boundaries and she then sulked, over reacted and hasn't been in touch since.

However I'd observed this behaviour of hers towards an old friend of hers who she discarded [and upset] in order to move onto someone else who she felt was more malleable/useful. I will always help someone if I can but have been taken advantage of so much in the past that now I think I'm done. Family only now.

Calendargirl
We’ve all been there, done or said something to another person, then suffered agonies thinking and worrying about it, have I offended them, was it my fault, should I have done things differently?

No, not really. yes, I have sometime regretted something I have done or said, but I can never see the point in agonising over things that are passed and gone. I consider that to be self-indulgent. Just consider the issue, on further consideration, your response may have been the right one. if not learn from it and move on. If you appropritee and you can, make amends.

I think sadly this is the way of the world for lots of people now. I was brought up to help people.. my parents didn’t have much but my Dad gave people home grown veg that was surplus, Mum knitted socks for old men in the village and if a new baby was born they always got a bonnet or bootees from her. People who had lost someone or were feeling low got homemade sausage rolls or a fruit cake.

That generation were grateful. One man always cleaned mum’s windows free of charge because he remembered how Mum helped his Mum when she was having her 8th child and was very poorly. Various people have said they loved my Mum because she cooked them all chips when they were hungry. They all sent lovely cards when she passed away.

Not so sure, sadly, that this generation are so grateful.

Don’t feel bad.

I’m with you OP - I will give anyone a lift, provided it’s after 9am. All my family and friends know that I only come to life after 9am. So no calls or text messages, unless ofcourse , it’s an emergency.
So don’t worry about it. If she’s having a ‘pout’, let her carry on

I willingly did a lot to help a neighbour after she had come out of hospital. I'm older than her, I live alone and have a number of very difficult health problems but I was happy to help for nearly a month, running errands for her every day, including finding a birthday card with an elephant on it for her friend who loves elephants. That took a few hours!

A couple of years later, when I was completely laid low by heavy duty 'flu, I rang her to ask her if she could get some bits and pieces of essential food in for me (in the days before supermarket deliveries were common). She said she could get it the following week! Meanwhile I had nothing to eat!

I will never offer to help her again.

In my experience, people pleasers find it hard to both say, and hear, ‘No’, and they assume that’s true for everyone.

Honestly, OP, that’s not true. For many (most?) people, ‘No’ is just an acceptable response to a request, and we don’t take it personally, get upset or offended by it.

It’s quite possible that your neighbour’s comment was not ‘a dig’ but a simple observation. And if she is a person who can’t deal with being told no, that’s her problem, not yours.

They should have booked a taxi! Don't feel bad about it.

I don’t think the OP needs counselling MOnica.

We’ve all been there, done or said something to another person, then suffered agonies thinking and worrying about it, have I offended them, was it my fault, should I have done things differently?

In this case, you can’t alter things. The neighbour found a solution.

Carry on being civil and friendly, if she is a bit huffy in the future, well, so be it.

It’s done, and that’s it.

No doubt she won’t be asking you for a lift again.

The only person making you feel a bad person atherineca is you. Deal with that, perhaps get counselling to understand why you do it.

But you are the one who decide whether you feel a bad person or not, what other people think about you is neither here nor there.

Look at the way when you offer us one example of why you are seen as a bad person and we say that is rubbish, you then dig up another example of you being a bad person.

Why do you want to prove you are aa bad person. That is what you need to spend your time thinking about.

In fact I suspect that probably none of them think of you as a bad person, you are just projecting that feeling on them in order to justify thinking it your self.

They have a 40 odd year old son that lives with them, that used to drive, he doesn't have a car now

But they do?
Perhaps he's been banned from driving.
Oh dear, did I really say that? 🤐

Don't get yourself in a tizz over it, they were rather cheeky to ask.

We wouldn't ask a neighbour for a lift to catch the coach either although everyone is very kind and helpful here. We've always ordered a taxi and there are usually taxis waiting at the local bus station when we return.

Our younger neighbours will bring our big wheelie bin back as far as the side garden if they are passing, BigMamma, yours sound very unhelpful.

I would deal with it by doing my utmost to put it out of my mind (i.e. to stop guilt-tripping myself) while continuing to be civil to the person who asked for the favour.

That's all you can do. Good luck.

BigMamma & FindingNemo15. How awful for you both to be treated that way 😞

You feel bad atherineca because you normally help.

It is really you who are making yourself feel bad!
Try not to dwell on it now. .
She is sorted and it's over.

Wish her a lovely trip and try to put your guilty feelings aside.

Marydoll

Although I have been good friends with my neighbours for over thirty years and next door are DS1's in laws, I would never dream of asking them for a lift, except in an emergency.

We get a taxi or leave a car near the station.

This is exactly what I do Marydoll.
I get a taxi or leave my car near the station.

OK I'm beginning to sound like the worst neighbour here. I have my other next door neighbour who is in her 80's. (Who lives alone but does have family nearby) I've done the odd shopping for. Painted her small fence. Taken things to the charity shop and two trips to the dump when she emptied her shed. Which I helped with. Did some weeding for etc etc.
If it had been later in the day I would have taken the neighbours that asked too. Although it would have been a bit of a squeeze in my small car. They have a 40 odd year old son that lives with them, that used to drive, he doesn't have a car now. Plus she takes taxis everywhere, when her husband drives. She also has a brother that drives.
I know I can't change things but as I said why am I made to feel the bad person here, for just saying no.

My DH has been in a care home for two years now and before he/we used to do so much for our neighbours/village.

Now nobody bothers to even ask after him or check that I am OK. I feel so upset by this I am comtemplating moving.

I will not be offering help to anyone anymore which is not me at all, but if you can't beat them.....

Someone asked you whether you could do something for them. You said no because it would be really inconvenient for you.

I cannot see what the problem is, we are all making those kinds of decisions all our lives. we say yes to some requests for help and no to others dependent on a huge range of factors.

I frequently shop for a friend. I said 'no' this week because we are going away. If someone takes umbrage at your decision that is their problem not yours.

Although I have been good friends with my neighbours for over thirty years and next door are DS1's in laws, I would never dream of asking them for a lift, except in an emergency.

We get a taxi or leave a car near the station.