How would you deal with this?

BigMamma

I stopped being Mrs. Nice Guy after my husband died. He and I were always helping someone out, the 'can we borrow this and can we borrow that' neighbour, and 'can you help me with this' aquaintance. After my husband died they all said, give me a call if ever you need something. We were never the kind of people to ask for help doing it on our own but the first time I asked a neighbour for help was when I asked them if their son, who was an electrician could hang a light for me (I was willing to pay of course), straight away they said no, he was a busy man and that was it. I then asked another neighbour and they also said no, even though I knew they had just had some new lights fitted outside their house.

I honestly think they were afraid of helping in case I kept asking for help. In the end, I got all my own workmen, plumbers, electricians, joiners, gardeners, when I decided to have my home modernised and lo and behold,when my friends and neighbours wanted jobs doing who did they ask for recommendations, me.

I will never, ever help anyone again, in the past 10 years since my husband died, not one person has brought back my Wheelie bins even when they have to walk past my house to bring theirs back. I always used to take theirs back for them but have now stopped.

Take my advice, if asked for help say no as you will become someones free labour. This has become an every man for himself world.

I apologise if you are or know someone who is a kind person but I have yet to find one.

Omg , How awful , so people not realise that it takes a lot to even ‘ ask’ for help ? You were grieving & kindness should have been in the forefront of minds .
I honestly think that’s how my neighbours would be as despite living I. The same street ( on & off ) for 30 years it has changed so much that there is no such thing as knowing your neighbours anymore 😢

I suppose it depends on how well you know them BlueBelle. I was surprised, I suppose as this was obviously not their first choice and was a "relative" of a neighbour - not a daughter or son. The "good as gold" comment sounded rather manipulative too!

My parents had neighbours that they did all sorts of things for (and vice-versa) so I suppose it does depend on circumstances.
We have taken neighbours to hospital - though I wouldn't normally ask a relative to do it to be honest.

I stopped being Mrs. Nice Guy after my husband died. He and I were always helping someone out, the 'can we borrow this and can we borrow that' neighbour, and 'can you help me with this' aquaintance. After my husband died they all said, give me a call if ever you need something. We were never the kind of people to ask for help doing it on our own but the first time I asked a neighbour for help was when I asked them if their son, who was an electrician could hang a light for me (I was willing to pay of course), straight away they said no, he was a busy man and that was it. I then asked another neighbour and they also said no, even though I knew they had just had some new lights fitted outside their house.

I honestly think they were afraid of helping in case I kept asking for help. In the end, I got all my own workmen, plumbers, electricians, joiners, gardeners, when I decided to have my home modernised and lo and behold,when my friends and neighbours wanted jobs doing who did they ask for recommendations, me.

I will never, ever help anyone again, in the past 10 years since my husband died, not one person has brought back my Wheelie bins even when they have to walk past my house to bring theirs back. I always used to take theirs back for them but have now stopped.

Take my advice, if asked for help say no as you will become someones free labour. This has become an every man for himself world.

I apologise if you are or know someone who is a kind person but I have yet to find one.

Well I ve had a neighbour of my daughter not a person really in my life, not only drive me to the airport, but let me stay in her spare room ready for an early morning start
It depends how much you want to help someone on the odd occasion, you made your decision and nothing you can do to change it, so move on now, no point at all in wondering whether you upset her for good or not, it’s done you can’t undo it

At least she's speaking to you- I think she'll get over it.

You can't change it and she is sorted now with
a relative of another neighbour
doing it.

I don't think I'd want to ask a relative of a neighbour to drive me to the airport at 7am!

No you are not bad at all. I would never dream of even asking my daughter to take early morning to catch a train. As that's how I travel for holiday or visiting relatives. I definitely would never ask a neighbour as good as they are. I book a taxi for the time I want a week before plus I have mobility problems and need my legs putting into a car.

I hope your neighbour gives the person taking them petrol money. Or don't they do that sort of thing?

Just forget about it . Out the goodness of your heart you have helped out before. Some people are users and some givers. You are a giver your neighbour a user . I expect your neighbour will ask the person taking them to fetch them when they return . Why can't they just have a taxi.

It's in the past now so forget they even asked. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

No problem really is there? you made a decision, she accepted, so that’s it done You can’t undo what you ve done so move on

She asked, you said no, she has got someone else to take them.

Yes, I expect she was a bit miffed, and now you feel bad.

Unless you were willing to get up earlier, that’s it really.

She probably won’t ask you again.

You were quite entitled to refuse, but has left it all a bit awkward it seems.