Appalling behaviour at a contact centre

This sounds very concerning.
If you are in the UK I suggest you contact www.childrenslegalcentre.com. They are part of the Coram group of children's charities and I have known them to be very helpful and supportive.
However, some of your terminology leads me to think that you may be elsewhere in the world - if so, say so on this thread and someone may be along who can offer advice.

I find this hard to believe, sorry.

Me too. If this is true they were removed for a reason. Fairly obvious issues. Sounds harsh but if this is not genuine you need to take a good, hard look at yourself.

What is an SG, and an SGO, please?

What measures have been taken by the school to stop a ten year old from walking the streets in school time, and why is the security so lax that this can happen? Presumably if he can gt out then an intruder can get in?

Has the older boy turned into a nightmare since his diagnosis? What was he like before that led to the investigations?

However, if true, it sounds like the children are not getting the help and support they need, quite apart from OP's concern about her duaghter.

New name and school’s out.

This sounds very upsetting for all involved, sparklygran. Although your daughter and you want to retain contact, I wonder who is benefiting from these contact visits? I suspect you all leave feeling worse but if you don't go, what options have you? Maybe others have suggestions but it sounds like the children have been failed by the system.

For those who find this unbelievable, sparklygran has posted previously on Gransnet about her family problems so I'm pretty sure this is true

'However, the last contact we had a few days ago was so appalling that we are wondering whether myself, my husband and our daughter.'

That's her kid, of course she needs to carry on, she can't just opt out because he's a handful.

He's got ADHD and Autism, he's n a new place, change of routine, bright lights, noise, new smells and people withholding withholding him, being touched and lots of other factors that make children with Autism have a meltdown and can trigger them to be violent. He also seems to be delayed in school.

It might be worth your daughter educating herself and finding out the best ways to calm and help her son when he's in these states of utter hell, he's 10 years old and clearly isn't getting the right support from anyone at all.

Sparklygran has been a forum member for many years

What a terrible situation. A few years ago I worked with the Social workers and to be truthful, the social workers looked as though they needed a social worker for themselves. They were overworked, stressed out, always ill, it was a horrible situation they were in.

There are not enough social workers in this day and age, it was bad enough a few years ago but now it is almost impossible for them to do their jobs properly.

Hipsy

Sparklygran has been a forum member for many years

Yep.

Do you have any say in which contact centre you use? Sounds like you could do with a family support worker with experience of children with complex needs to attend contact.
Could you apply to see the boys separately?

Reasonable adjustments/ best endeavours should be made for your Grandson with ASD and ADHD under the Equalities Act. A room without a sink would be a start.

naccc.org.uk/find-a-centre/

Don’t know that this will help if Courts involved. Do the boys not have an Advocate?
Sounds really sad for all involved.

If you are in the UK, you need to insist the older boy is assessed for a EHCP if he hasn't been already. This will give him support at school.

I would ask social services if there are any parenting classes you can attend. The boy isn't being deliberately malicious, he has a neurological condition that he needs support with. That said, your daughter also needs support. Does your daughter not have her own social worker? It all sounds very complex and taking children away from parents because of disability is quite serious discrimination.

The children were removed from their mum 8 years ago.. it isn't clear whether there have been contact visits in that time. I wonder if they actually want to have contact with their Mum?
You and your husband are in a horrible position trying to normalise this visit and not being able to achieve that.. I wonder if you have contact again whether you could see the elder child on his own and try to ask him what his wishes are..
can your DH be in a separate room with the younger child so they can play a board game in peace.. I really feel for you..

thank you for all your responses. Yes, I'm in the UK and this situation has been going on since 2016 when daughter was raped by the abusive ex partner, then became pregnant as a result. The pregnancy went horribly wrong and she almost died. She was placed in an induced coma and the baby was delivered 10 weeks prematurely. She spent three months in hospital and whilst she was in there, and the baby was in intensive care, the abuser assaulted her daughter from her ex husband. The daughter reported it to a teacher at school. Social services became involved. Three weeks after she came home from hospital, still barely able to function, social workers came in mob handed with the police, arrested the abuser and snatched the baby out of her arms whilst she was trying to feed him. The children were all given to the abuser's sister.
There followed a year of court appearances when the social worker, a young woman who appeared to be after promotion, managed to turn the case around and suddenly my daughter was the abusive one. I wouldn't have believed that this was possible if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. I couldn't believe some of the things that she said about my daughter.
For those who don't know the system, an SGO is a Special Guardianship Order and SG is Special Guardian.
It is truly an appalling situation, made even worse by the fact that the Guardian for the boys refused to allow any contact and we had to apply for a Child Arrangements Order. When we did, another CAFCASS team assessed all parties and we were horrified to find that the Special Guardian has a criminal record for fraud and assault which somehow was not mentioned in the original case. We also found that the abuser has a criminal record as long as his arm. If my daughter had known that she would never had started a relationship with him in the first place. By the time she had had two children with him, she was really afraid of him and didn't know how to get out. In the end, once the children had been handed over to his sister, he threw daughter out into the street anyway. He is a truly appalling man who has access to the boys whenever he wants. Fortunately we understand that he's not that bothered.
This whole scenario has virtually destroyed our family, apart from putting us in serious debt trying to get the contact sorted.
What to do about the contact visits, though, I still don't know. My daughter only has limited parental responsibility over the boys so she can't organise any intervention for the older boy and the Guardian refuses to communicate with her.

JaneJudge, my daughter has a counsellor who she sees on a weekly basis and has been doing for the past 5 years. She was just abandoned by the Social Services who just walked away once their work was done. She was referred for Trauma Counselling but all they could offer after 2 years was a place in a clinic for schizophrenics which was ridiculous. She has been diagnosed with complex PTSD. We pay for the counsellor ourselves.

JaneJudge

If you are in the UK, you need to insist the older boy is assessed for a EHCP if he hasn't been already. This will give him support at school.

I would ask social services if there are any parenting classes you can attend. The boy isn't being deliberately malicious, he has a neurological condition that he needs support with. That said, your daughter also needs support. Does your daughter not have her own social worker? It all sounds very complex and taking children away from parents because of disability is quite serious discrimination.

They can't insist anything....the aunt has SGO so has PR for the child

How did the people organising the contact centre respond to the situation?

I wish I could offer some help.

I worked with Social Workers for a number of years and I can believe everything the OP says.
For every good social worker I think there are about 10 bad ones.

Contact centres are very busy so there is not much chance of a change of venue. Social workers do not just snatch children without a reason they have terrible case loads and work hard to help families though it might not feel like it at times . Surely the school is doing something to help the older boy if not contact the head teacher. This must be a terrible situation for you all .

Whilst on the whole I support our judicial system and the work they and SW do to keep children safe, it does seem here that a serious misjudgement
has been made and I have zero advice as it seems a big awful mess.

Can you assist your daughter to contact her MP and have the entire looked into again??

I just wish you all luck

Such an horrendous situation. I feel very sorry for you. I don't understand how this could have happened except that at one time Social Services were concerned with keeping children within the family and providing support for the family.

The SWs are overworked. Currently there are 33,100 employed in the UK plus 7,200 agency workers and 7,700 vacancies in the child services section.

With regards to the boys behaviour...this is due to the devastating upset in their life..they hav3 Fathers that Don't care..what a horrid start to life

With regards to your daughter..People don't usually have their children taken away for no reason and it might be about proving to the courts that she is a good parent

Carmen54

With regards to the boys behaviour...this is due to the devastating upset in their life..they hav3 Fathers that Don't care..what a horrid start to life

With regards to your daughter..People don't usually have their children taken away for no reason and it might be about proving to the courts that she is a good parent

Don’t you believe it! Out there somewhere are 3 siblings who have all been adopted even though their parents did nothing wrong and it has now been proved in court but judges say it is now too late to put things right. They have to wait until the kids are old enough to search for them.

This happened to a young couple fairly local when social workers went in heavy handed after the mother took one child to the doctor as she had some unaccountable bruises. Even the midwife said she had no concerns about the parents or the other kids.
After they lost these 3, they fled to Ireland and had another son who they have been allowed to keep after more intervention from SWs.

The Head of Childrens Services at the time and who signed off the dreadful forced adoptions was Lisa Christensen who had been married to alcoholic and drug addicted member of the terrorist bombing group, The Angry Brigade. You honestly could not make it up!!

I wish the OP well but wish she had not faced such judgemental comments on here.