Would you tell someone they smelled

Marydoll

Is your friend by any chance taking a particular medication, that can cause it?

I once had a pair of favourite shoes, which I hadn't realised, that in hot weather made my feet rather smelly.
I was going into classes round the school, when one colleague apologised for the smell in her class, mentioning a particular child. I realised it was my feet!

I said nothing, hurriedly rushed off and those shoes went straight into the bin, replaced by an old pair in my room! I was mortified.

Shoes!!!

Happened to me. One hot summer in the 1990's, the place I worked hired portacabins whilst the main building was being refit, they were all over the carpark! Well, summer, got me some REALLY COMFY shoes! I can honestly say they were comfy! I'm one of those who has to break in footwear over several weeks, these I didnt. They were a cross between canvas and blocky soles but nice shoes!

Went well with trousers!

Hot weather, think no tights or socks!

To be honest I could smell something around my desk but due to the effluent tanks (it was a production site) I put it down to that!

One particular day, we had a Director walk in, "What is that smell?" He asked everyone. We all looked feigning ignorance as we all thought it was the effluent tanks. It was only when I moved my feet, the smell hit me again and I tried not to laugh !

I made sure I was the last to leave the office and those beloved shoes never graced my feet again!

Yet I showered EVERY day.

After that wore sandals or boots and never had any issues. Fortunately, the effluent tanks still came up with smells so no-one was none the wiser.

Re smells:
The town I live in, has a BioDigester plant, "it won't smell" we were told! It stinks, that and the Refuse/Recycling Centre, especially in the heat! When the wind blows, it really comes up the way I live! They've built homes within spitting distance of both of them, £350,000 start price! The smell surely would permeate those homes and contents? Making them have a pong? People who smoke, they smell (one of my BIL's smokes, clean EVERY day, but you can smell he smokes!)

I hope your problem is now resolved 2Understand.
💐

No, I wouldn't.

Some foods produce a stronger urine smell. Especially fish. I might raise the topic by asking her if you have that problem and don't want to offend anyone. It was brought to my attention that way even though I was aware, I didn't think others were. Its just nature!

To answer the OP
Only if I didn’t care if I ever saw or heard from them again.

I encouraged a close friend to work in the same library as me; six weeks fast forward and I was “deputised” to tell her about her personal cleanliness. I did it kindly- I thought - but that was the end of the friendship. I think the note idea is brilliant. No-one has to be embarrassed. Or, like others have said, pretend you are worried about your own leaks. Tough call.

Try "can I ask you something xxx?" (nobody says no!). Then "I don't know if anybody has mentioned but I've noticed that sometimes you don't smell very fresh' and then be guided by her response. As a friend, you owe it to her to promote her dignity. If it was me that smelt I would 100% want a friend to tell me even if it was an awkward/uncomfortable conversation. I've needed to tell employees before and they always appreciated it. Good luck OP.

FYI :Spitting in the street is STILL a criminal offence!!!

SallyatBaytree

Urine,bad breath and perspiration smells on others all make me wretch .
Something no-one has mentioned here is tobacco smell which lingers on skin,clothes and furniture..revolting!!!!

Agreed they are all sickening, but so are cooking smells. I knew a young man whose mother cooked a roast dinner quite often apparently. It must have permeated their house because when he visited our house you could smell stale roast dinner all through our hallway just from his coat hanging there!

I always remembered that and would change clothes after cooking if I was going somewhere special afterwards.

The other thing to remember is that clean hair picks up smells like you wouldn't believe. Swish your hair back and forth and you can smell nasties sometimes after being out. Especially smoke of course.

There is a condition called bromhidrosis that makes people's sweat smell particularly offensive. Its been described as boiled cabbage, sewage, and other such things, maybe she has developed this condition?

Maybe she needs incontinence pads. I've no idea how you would approach it. Unless in general terms saying most elderly people need them.

Tobacco has been mentioned on the thread and I agree it is a most disgusting smell when stale.
Last winter I had an appointment with an audiologist. The consulting room was very warm and the strong smell of body odour coming from the young male audiologist was overwhelming. Thankfully he was only there on a temporary basis. I hope a member of the team has put him wise about his BO problem. On reflection I wish I had had a gentle word with him before I left. As we are unlikely ever to meet again it might have been less embarrassing for him.

Urine,bad breath and perspiration smells on others all make me wretch .
Something no-one has mentioned here is tobacco smell which lingers on skin,clothes and furniture..revolting!!!!

Many years ago, when l was beginning the second year of my degree course, I made friends (platonic) with a young man who had just started. I noticed as the term went on that he was beginning to get a distinct odour - a mixture of BO and unwashed clothes. We were in a practice room, which was small, and I noticed the smell more than ever. He complained to me that he couldn’t seem to attract a girlfriend. This was just the opportunity I needed so, taking courage in both hands, I told him what th problem was, adding that it would be a good idea to have a bath more than once a week and that his underwear needed to be changed every day. He was very pleased that I told him and, a few days later, told me that he had bought some new clothes. He never had the problem again.

As for your friend, it is, indeed, much more difficult as she is older. I think that l would support the answer suggesting that you had noticed a smell of wee that day and were concerned for her health - could it be a UTI, kidney problem or diabetes? If you make it sound as if you were concerned about her health rather than the smell, she might be more receptive. You could also add that when you had a UTI that you found X brand of pads most helpful.
Horrible smells are so difficult, aren’t they? For me, it is the smell of cigarettes that is worst and l find that if I am in a queue behind a smoker (always noticeable by the smell on their clothes) I try not to breathe in too much and take a step back.

I work with a 30 year old has terrible body odour. It’s an unwashed smell. She wears the same clothes every day and I have to back away when she speaks to me as she doesn’t wash her teeth either. Front facing office role. I cannot for the life of me understand why no clients or coworkers have complained??! I’m only in the office once per week, some days it absolutely reeks in there as soon as i walk through the door. No AC so in summer she sweats a lot and carry’s the office fan around with her whatever desk she’s sitting at! I have thought about sending an anonymous letter to the manager, the note in the pocket wouldn’t work as she would recognise my handwriting.

there was a lady who ran a coffee shop in town. she had a husband and teenage children and had dreadful bo. I thought it cruel of her family not to tell her let alone any friend. It lasted months. saw her the other day and she's fine now. Why would you not tell a loved one and let them leave the house each day.
I didn't know her to speak to.

any clothes bought from a charity shop would be washed as a matter of course surely.

an elderly person I hugged once smelt 'frowsy'. hair needed a wash.

I might well introduce it by mentioning how lovely it was to see young people wearing their fabulous colognes and how modern they were. Then I would add that as we get older our sense of smell doesn't work so much anymore and that perhaps we could take a leaf out of their book. Perhaps even mention some modern shower gels or favourite soaps and colognes. Even ask the person with the problem if they had even sat next to anyone who needed to use a shower gel.

It is kinder to tell a close friend diplomatically than let them continue blissfully unaware. I’m sure that’s what we would all wish, embarrassing tho’ it may be at the time.

Urine should not smell if fresh, and may mean an infection or kidney problem of some sort, or failure to change wet pads or underwear frequently enough.

NotSpaghetti

"I'm not wanting to upset you because I care about you and we've been friends for years but I'm afraid I've noticed a bit of a smell today xxx - are you OK? I'm concerned it may be a kidney problem or the start of diabetes?"

"Maybe you just changed your medication?"

Well said~~~

Many years ago I worked with a group of women one of whom had dreadful BO. Everybody talked about it but nobody did anything until the woman in charge took her to one side and then after that the problem was gone. Many months later the boss told me what she'd said which I thought was really tactful. She said something along the lines that she knew how very particular 'A' was but she had noticed recently a slight BO smell and knew that 'A" would want to know and do something about it before anyone else noticed.
Still not sure I'd be able to tell anybody myself but if I had to then this is the way I'd try to do it. Good luck.

There's also a specific 'old person smell'.... I always tell my other half if he or his clothes smell (he likes heavy gardening and DIY so not unusual) so he can wash or put his clothes in the washing machine. I hope he'd do the same for me. It's hard to tell people they smell but if they can do something about it it is probably worth doing so as they maybe don't realise and it affects their day to day social life so much. I'd over to know how to do this without giving offense but if it was me, I'd rather be told than left to get on with it and have people avoid me 🤔

It’s difficult, and although I’d be hurt to hear it, I hope I’d be told.
A priest on our governing body made meetings a nightmare. If you were last to arrive, the only spare spaces were next to him. In the end, whilst walking out to the car park, I told him.
His response was a thank you and a laugh. He said, “I wonder why no one has ever mentioned it when we are in confession.”

He didn’t seem to mind, but
I wondered if I ought to confess unkind thoughts next time.

I have a friend who I stay with occasionally who wears his unwashed clothes for at least a week at a time. He takes them off and leaves them in a pile on the lounge floor and puts them on again in the morning.
I've tried buying him new tshirts but he only likes his horrible hi vis ones.
I won't be staying there again as he doesn't like being told!

I told a friend of mine - a solicitor - that he smelled, he said "thankyou for that" I'll readdress my ablutions, and he did.

As her friend, I would have to tell her in the nicest way I could, and offer help.
I once had a friend that had very bad front teeth smelly breath, and she was pregnant, I asked her out for lunch, telling her I need to go to the dentist appt first, and she could come with me. Once there I told her she’s entitled to free treatment as she’s pregnant. She said she’s scared of the dentist, I said I’d come with her to appts, which I did. She had all her teeth cleaned, some removed, and had a lovely smile once again. She said thank you, and she’s no longer afraid of the dentist.