Would you tell someone they smelled

Blimey this is a hard one I don’t think I could do it, but on the other hand I can’t bear being near someone who smells of urine Theres a lady sometimes gets on the bus and I dread it as I really can’t stand the smell it makes me feel sick and I m not particular sensitive
Well this post of mine has been no use at all as I just don’t know how I would deal with it. they won’t take it well if you do tell them will they ?
If your out and about with them where others are it won’t work but if you’re alone with him /her or in a secluded area you could say, there’s a strong smell of urine can you smell it ? Could that be enough to make them think? the problem is I don’t think you smell it on yourself

I’m afraid I couldn’t say anything. I’d be too embarrassed and she would be too.

Does she have family who you could go to for advice?

I suffer from an overactive bladder and wear pads all the time. I also don’t have a sense of smell. There are times when small leaks that are captured in the pad will smell strongly. I don’t know when this happens but I would appreciate if someone close to me told me. It’s a common nightmare for me that my house smells and I ask my closest friends when they visit.

How about making up a story along the lines of having to wear pads yourself and worrying they may make you smell and see what her reaction might be and take it from there?

I like BlueBelle’s suggestion or you could say ‘there’s an awful smell here, is it me?’ as a kind of joke. Not that it’s a laughing matter, especially if she is having continence problems.
Are you ever in a situation where you could say you are off to Boots for some Tena stuff for yourself and hope that breaks the ice?
It’s BO that gets me - not fresh sweat, but the stale, pungent odour that seems to stick in the throat long after the culprit has gone.

The kindest way I’ve seen this dealt with was that many years ago, my boss put a kind note in the coat pocket of one of the staff, so she could be made aware without the embarrassment of being told face to face. Nothing was ever said, but it worked.

I worked with someone years ago who washed once a week ( by the smell of her ) she was only in her 20’s and was known as ‘smelly Margaret’ - no one ever said anything.

Is she breaking the law?

I did a longish journey with someone recently in her car. Her breath smelled horrible and I kept opening the window which she subsequently closed.. I didn't tell her but haven't been in her car since.. it's really difficult to talk about someone smelling and I'm not sure why.. we would defend ourselves if someone said something unpleasant and yet not when we find smell equally offensive..

Is your friend by any chance taking a particular medication, that can cause it?

I once had a pair of favourite shoes, which I hadn't realised, that in hot weather made my feet rather smelly.
I was going into classes round the school, when one colleague apologised for the smell in her class, mentioning a particular child. I realised it was my feet!

I said nothing, hurriedly rushed off and those shoes went straight into the bin, replaced by an old pair in my room! I was mortified.

I think the frequent showering and new clothes indicate this person is aware and it might be easier to suggest a visit to the doctor to see if there is any infection causing the problem. How you broach it depends on your relationship with this person.
Many years ago I taught a small child who smelt of urine constantly despite being spotlessly clean with clean clothes every day. Some years later she had an operation for adenoids, and during surgery a small bead was discovered embedded in a nasal cavity which had festered during the years and caused the odour. Once removed, end of problem.

Mmmm, tricky one. I suppose other people ( less kind than you) must notice. Could you allude to it somehow and hope she picks up on it....eg." I'm worried about X as despite her lovely clothes smells of urine. Its so easy to miss these things unless somebody alerts us."

I think the question is whether there would be anything she could do about it if she knew.

If it's a case of not changing pads often enough, or someone with BO needing to wash/change their clothes more often then it's kinder to tell them so they can take action, but if there is nothing they can do about it (eg if the smells are caused by medical problems that can't be solved) then why make them feel worse than they probably already do?

Someone at my place of work years ago had a real BO problem. If he came into my office I could smell it for ages after, and if I had another visitor within half an hour or so they would often say 'has Fred been in here?'. He always had clean hair, and a clean shirt, and certainly didn't look unkempt, but it was so bad I assume he was aware of the problem (he had a wife, too). If people had kept pointing it out it it could only have worked to make him feel bad - what would have been the point?

Such a hard one. I have one friend who has bad breath. I don't tell her as I feel sure she must know, her DD is a doctor. What could she do about it anyway?
Stale urine is horrible though. Could you instigate a discussion about bladder leaks and talk about tena pads?
I was asked to buy some for a friend once which was the first time I discovered the range available.
For men too.

You are funny Annie not.

Having read more posts - I’d avoid being in a closed environment with this friend.
Perhaps, as a last resort, a few drops of perfume on a tissue might help - you could always say you have hay fever when sniffing it.

It’s such a difficult situation, I hope you can find an answer without upsetting your friend.

Marydoll

Is your friend by any chance taking a particular medication, that can cause it?

I once had a pair of favourite shoes, which I hadn't realised, that in hot weather made my feet rather smelly.
I was going into classes round the school, when one colleague apologised for the smell in her class, mentioning a particular child. I realised it was my feet!

I said nothing, hurriedly rushed off and those shoes went straight into the bin, replaced by an old pair in my room! I was mortified.

We were visiting my son recently, and my husband was wearing sandals. He was sitting next to me on the sofa, and I kept glaring at him and 'subtly' trying to mime that he should move his feet out of the way, as people were eating from snacks on the table, and the pong was distracting from the food.

When my DIL came to clear the snacks away, she commented on the dreadful smell . . . . . .of the Cheesy Doritos .

I remember this at work , one girl was smelly , turned out she was ill

Anniebach

Is she breaking the law?

No, but she's breaking societal expectations which sometimes matter. This is particularly so where hygiene is concerned. Someone who smells is going to be unpopular (strong bodily odours are unpleasant) and they are therefore doing themselves a disservice. Likewise someone who habitually spits in the street or an adult who constantly picks their nose would be avoided.

Bad smells make me feel really sick and it's embarrassing because I can retch .
Years ago , my rather eccentric Aunt stank of BO .
My son , being rather mouthy told her - it made no difference .
My mother bought her gifts of toiletries with no effect .
I have two elderly friends , who smell the same - of old unwashed cardigans worn day in and day out .
I've retched several times .
I've tried to address the situation with toiletry gifts .
But I'm skirting the issue .
The only way to fix it is to say , I'm sorry but I think that you have a problem whether it's BO or urine or worse !

Spitting in the street can be an offence

"I'm not wanting to upset you because I care about you and we've been friends for years but I'm afraid I've noticed a bit of a smell today xxx - are you OK? I'm concerned it may be a kidney problem or the start of diabetes?"

"Maybe you just changed your medication?"

Very delicate situation. I’d not say anything, others, perhaps her family must notice and might say something.
Years ago I worked in a very impoverished area. The children often smelled, I used the perfume on a tissue tucked into my sleeve technique.
The perfume was one I didn’t care for much, as I couldn’t wear it in any other situation.

The suggestions above are all very good and I agree using a third person is probably the best, then you don't have to speak to her directly about her own smell.

I can remember various people at work who smelt very strongly and it always made me feel sick. I have a very strong sense of smell and I can't stand it. I couldn't work in a smelly environment, I'd literally be throwing up all the time.

The worst was some poor bloke with smelly feet, and nothing could be done for them. He sat at a desk in a room with about four others and luckily I worked elsewhere. When I entered the room I nearly passed out. I could never have worked in there and I don't know how the others did but I suppose they got used to it.

I think I might extol the virtues of Allways panty liners- say how brilliant they are eg if you have to rush to the loo or if there’s a leak when you cough or sneeze. If she looks blank as if that had never occurred to her, it might plant a seed.

Esmay Bad smells make me feel really sick and it's embarrassing because I can retch
Exactly how I feel. I guess most people feel that when the smell is really bad but I'm triggered quite easily. I can also smell things when others can't so am very sensitive. You'd never believe I smoked for 50 years, my sense of smell is more sensitive than ever!

I have two elderly friends , who smell the same - of old unwashed cardigans worn day in and day out
Oh no, you've freaked me out. Now I'll have to wash all my cardigans and jumpers.