How to politely refuse the friend that keeps turning up with food gifts

I think that this friend is possibly Asian and perhaps Muslim -it's very much in their culture to help someone .
I have some very dry cakes pressed on me every time I see an Afghani gentleman .
They are hard to swallow.
Refusing is rude and insulting as his wife makes them and he thinks that they are delicious .
I am diabetic though I seldom use it as an excuse .
But it's a good along with allergies .
Buy or make this kind person some foods in exchange .

Please don't throw food away. There are food banks who'd take it.

I don’t see the problem. S/he is clearly kind and wants to give you these gifts. Accept them with good grace and hand them onto someone who will appreciate them. Also, if you are seeking to eat healthily, what is your issue with fruit?

I would just invent a strict doctors diet. After all its not far from the truth if you have had health issues and the food is making you ill. Perhaps this lady is lonely or wants to be a closer friend. Take the initiative, invite her round for a coffee or go out with her to a cafe, explain you are now on a very controlled doctors diet and you wont be able to accept any more gifts of food. Then if she still turns up with food refuse it. I dont eat cake and have spent many years trying to find excuses for not eating cakes made by friends or work colleagues. When I finally became dairy intolerant the problem more or less solved itself. If I say I am unable to eat dairy products the 'persuasion' usually stops.

Please send her to me I would love a kind friend like this.

Maybe there's a time to be honest and up front
I'd thank her for the food she has brought in the past but tell her about recent doc conversation how you really need to avoid this and that and that! And that you are determined to stick to it as you need your health
She will be ok with it if not I'm afraid it's tough love, it's a bit odd if she doesn't respect you

Oh do pass them round I d like that friend Share them I m sure there must be someone who would welcome some extra food

If only all friends and neighbours were thoughtful like you Whiff!

I take friends food I make which I know they like. I cook gluten free cakes for those who can't have gluten and they like them because they taste better than shop brought. Plus my home made jams, marmalade and chutneys . But I make those my way so nothing like shop brought and I know exactly what is in it so it's safe for everyone. I have never had anyone refuse things I make . Plus I know those who are allergic to food stuffs and make things that are safe for them.

My nuisance neighbour used to bring me in a cake, as a way of getting her foot in my door.

The annoying thing is, cakes are not really my thing, but I'll eat them if they're around.

If someone continually brings what they want even though you've told them your needs, then they are overstepping the boundaries and may not respect you.

I had a friend who I told I was on a sugar free diet for health reasons - BUT she always brought cake "to share". I always ended up giving in out of politeness and a bit of tempation- and was cross with myself afterwards for not being stronger.

My friend left the area when her relationship broke down and I don't see her now, but looking back it was all about what She wanted and that was to share cake. She was happy to disregard my requests as long as she did what she wanted. I don't miss her visits because of the things she insisted on bringing and if I used to visit her she had a multi pack of marsbars that she worked through even though she was diabetic while she chain smoked. She did not respect her own body, so how could she respect mine? I am healthier without her.

Gransarethebest

She sounds lovely, how about occasionally asking her to stop and share the curry with you, you do sound rather ungrateful to be honest.

*You have completely missed the point here. The OP certainly isn't ungrateful. She has explained to her friend that because of her chronic illness she cannot eat spicy or sweet foods. The OP likes the food, but it causes her pain and makes her feel ill. I think your remark about the OP being ungrateful is hurtful as well as inaccurate.

thats a good point, perhaps the friend is lonely and dying to be asked to stay and share a meal?

In that instance I'd give the friend a list of allergies and request again that she cooks without using any of the allergens so you can eat the food instead of having to donate it.

If she persists in not taking any notice of the allergens you will have to explain that you notified her of your allergens but are having to donate the food because she's not adapting. Explain that you've been tempted to eat her delicious cooking but that it makes you ill because of the ingredients.

Its always best to be honest because what if she was on Olio and recognised the food?

If she's able to adapt the food so youre not triggered by it, you could suggest eating together.

I had someone who always brought cake even knowing I was trying to avoid sugar, its very annoying.

I wish I had a friend like that, bless her.

Is there a local freecycle group you could use to pass on. Can you freeze stuff to pass on when you have an opportunity? Don’t offend someone who means well. As around there must be someone who would like her gifts

could you freeze them and them serve to others when you have visitors, perhaps ?

She sounds lovely, how about occasionally asking her to stop and share the curry with you, you do sound rather ungrateful to be honest.

Oh dear! I realise you have health problems but have to admit I would welcome a friend like that! Love it when my daughter turns up with home-cooked "ready" meals for my freezer, or other little treats for me. I am ancient but still cook (love my airfryer) but occasionally lack inspiration.

It does sound like your friend enjoys cooking and perhaps is giving out of love and care as well as her own enjoyment of cooking and giving.

If you've already given her a list of foods you cannot eat (Id use the word ALLERGIC to her as she doesn't seem to get it) and say that if she cotiues to give you foods you're ALLERGIC to, that you're going to give them to the less fortunate.

You don't sound ungrateful. I can't eat certain foods either.

Gosh this is atricky one. I've been on the receiving end of it myself. The person is perhaps demonstrating how much they value and respect you.

Downloading Apps and offloading food is perhaps a chore. Although it feels uncomfortable I think a very very firm no is needed.

Thanks everyone, sound advice from all. I've downloaded olio.

Curries and fruit (it was watermelon and mango) really flare up my bladder. I have interstical cystitis, otherwise known as bladder pain syndrome.

I'll just try to pass it on. It's sad because I always end up eating some and then flare like I did last night. So despite the good intentions , it's actually quite harmful.

If a friend of mine had repeatedly pointed out an illness that was triggered by food amongst other things, I'd take flowers!
I know I sound ungrateful....

fruit IS healthy, but if too much fruit sugar then good to suggest alternatives. I did already say "If you don't like the curries perhaps you could make a suggestion of a recipe you do like. " in my last post and that could be applied to the fruit as well.

Communication is everything. Could also say your appetite is small and ask her if she minds you sharing it with the less fortunate?

Just say very firmly that you value your friendship and don’t want to upset her but please STOP bringing food. If she continues, say something like you are so lucky having such a kind friend but insist she take it away with her. Other solutions leave you having to do something ie extra hassle. She is distressing you and that isn’t kind!

OnwardandUpward the OP has already said that it is for health reasons that she would prefer not to be given the food. The OP tells us that she has explained this to her friend, but the friend continues in supplying the unwanted food items.

I do understand your dilemma but I wish I had a friend like that.

Tell her very nicely to stop bringing food for a while as you are about to start a food elimination diet and have to know exactly what you’re eating and she wouldn’t want to damage your health would she.

Or use OLIO which is great or freeze it into smaller portions?