How to politely refuse the friend that keeps turning up with food gifts

Do you have any of those little healthy eating booklets you get in pharmacies?

You could sit down with your friend, have a coffee and show her in your booklet what you are allowed to eat and in what quantities.

If there’s really nobody to give it to, then carry on doing what you do either eating a little and then chucking it or not eating any of it.The fruit is welcome surely?
She means well and would be upset if you refuse it.

Have you heard about Olio? You can give food away that you don’t/can’t eat. It may help someone out enormously. It’s an app.

That's what I was going to suggest, too.
You can arrange for the taker to pick up from the garden/garage, anywhere, so no need to even make contact with them.

Primrose53

Do you have any of those little healthy eating booklets you get in pharmacies?

You could sit down with your friend, have a coffee and show her in your booklet what you are allowed to eat and in what quantities.

This is a good idea.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I've never heard of the app and will look it up !

Can you not say that you actually enjoy cooking yourself and have a load of recipes which you follow for your diet. Also, add that you are never quite sure what you fancy eating from day to day and tend to decide on the day and you don't like freezing food as you like to eat fresh food you have just prepared. You don't want to offend her but you want to get that barrier in so she understands not to drop food around.

I would give her a list of foods you do like eating. She sounds a generous soul..

It's kind of your friend. Do you not like her cooking? If it's curries and fruit, why is it so hard to accept?

If you don't like the curries perhaps you could make a suggestion of a recipe you do like. She sounds like a good and generous friend and they are hard to come by. Would you do the same for her??

I think it often is harder to accept help than to recieve it, but in recieving with grace and thanks we can make the other person happy and feel useful. Sometimes it's just kinder to say a big thankyou.

My Grandma told me once, if someone offers you something, say THANKYOU.

I do understand your dilemma but I wish I had a friend like that.

Tell her very nicely to stop bringing food for a while as you are about to start a food elimination diet and have to know exactly what you’re eating and she wouldn’t want to damage your health would she.

Or use OLIO which is great or freeze it into smaller portions?

OnwardandUpward the OP has already said that it is for health reasons that she would prefer not to be given the food. The OP tells us that she has explained this to her friend, but the friend continues in supplying the unwanted food items.

Just say very firmly that you value your friendship and don’t want to upset her but please STOP bringing food. If she continues, say something like you are so lucky having such a kind friend but insist she take it away with her. Other solutions leave you having to do something ie extra hassle. She is distressing you and that isn’t kind!

fruit IS healthy, but if too much fruit sugar then good to suggest alternatives. I did already say "If you don't like the curries perhaps you could make a suggestion of a recipe you do like. " in my last post and that could be applied to the fruit as well.

Communication is everything. Could also say your appetite is small and ask her if she minds you sharing it with the less fortunate?

Thanks everyone, sound advice from all. I've downloaded olio.

Curries and fruit (it was watermelon and mango) really flare up my bladder. I have interstical cystitis, otherwise known as bladder pain syndrome.

I'll just try to pass it on. It's sad because I always end up eating some and then flare like I did last night. So despite the good intentions , it's actually quite harmful.

If a friend of mine had repeatedly pointed out an illness that was triggered by food amongst other things, I'd take flowers!
I know I sound ungrateful....

Gosh this is atricky one. I've been on the receiving end of it myself. The person is perhaps demonstrating how much they value and respect you.

Downloading Apps and offloading food is perhaps a chore. Although it feels uncomfortable I think a very very firm no is needed.

It does sound like your friend enjoys cooking and perhaps is giving out of love and care as well as her own enjoyment of cooking and giving.

If you've already given her a list of foods you cannot eat (Id use the word ALLERGIC to her as she doesn't seem to get it) and say that if she cotiues to give you foods you're ALLERGIC to, that you're going to give them to the less fortunate.

You don't sound ungrateful. I can't eat certain foods either.

Oh dear! I realise you have health problems but have to admit I would welcome a friend like that! Love it when my daughter turns up with home-cooked "ready" meals for my freezer, or other little treats for me. I am ancient but still cook (love my airfryer) but occasionally lack inspiration.

She sounds lovely, how about occasionally asking her to stop and share the curry with you, you do sound rather ungrateful to be honest.

could you freeze them and them serve to others when you have visitors, perhaps ?

Is there a local freecycle group you could use to pass on. Can you freeze stuff to pass on when you have an opportunity? Don’t offend someone who means well. As around there must be someone who would like her gifts

I wish I had a friend like that, bless her.

thats a good point, perhaps the friend is lonely and dying to be asked to stay and share a meal?

In that instance I'd give the friend a list of allergies and request again that she cooks without using any of the allergens so you can eat the food instead of having to donate it.

If she persists in not taking any notice of the allergens you will have to explain that you notified her of your allergens but are having to donate the food because she's not adapting. Explain that you've been tempted to eat her delicious cooking but that it makes you ill because of the ingredients.

Its always best to be honest because what if she was on Olio and recognised the food?

If she's able to adapt the food so youre not triggered by it, you could suggest eating together.

I had someone who always brought cake even knowing I was trying to avoid sugar, its very annoying.

Gransarethebest

She sounds lovely, how about occasionally asking her to stop and share the curry with you, you do sound rather ungrateful to be honest.

*You have completely missed the point here. The OP certainly isn't ungrateful. She has explained to her friend that because of her chronic illness she cannot eat spicy or sweet foods. The OP likes the food, but it causes her pain and makes her feel ill. I think your remark about the OP being ungrateful is hurtful as well as inaccurate.

If someone continually brings what they want even though you've told them your needs, then they are overstepping the boundaries and may not respect you.

I had a friend who I told I was on a sugar free diet for health reasons - BUT she always brought cake "to share". I always ended up giving in out of politeness and a bit of tempation- and was cross with myself afterwards for not being stronger.

My friend left the area when her relationship broke down and I don't see her now, but looking back it was all about what She wanted and that was to share cake. She was happy to disregard my requests as long as she did what she wanted. I don't miss her visits because of the things she insisted on bringing and if I used to visit her she had a multi pack of marsbars that she worked through even though she was diabetic while she chain smoked. She did not respect her own body, so how could she respect mine? I am healthier without her.