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1 daughter has a baby as the other daughters has a miscarriage

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Youngran Tue 06-Aug-24 21:40:30

One daughter has had a baby as the other younger daughter has a miscarriage. Younger daughter has health issues which makes her pregnancy’s higher risk ( she has PCOS, Sjogrens and sticky blood (APS)). Younger daughter miscarried in her first timester. My husband, daughter and myself feel we have been there for her, to listen to her and give support. I go out on walks with her and spend time speaking over cups of tea. I am always looking for information to help me understand and also give support to her with.
Younger daughter feels we are not giving her support and one minute seems fine then the next she is angry and picking for arguments
The situation is very difficult as she has told her sister that she doesn’t want to talk about the miscarriage but then makes remarks such as ‘I’m broody’ and asking her partner in front of my daughter when her next appointment is. But doesn’t want to talk as she says she is private and dosent like people knowing her business. So we are walking around on egg shells. I worry that I will say something that will upset her and she falls out with me. My sister has organised an activity (painting pottery) at the weekend. They do not know about the miscarriage. My youngest daughter has asked that myself and oldest daughter keep baby chat to a minimum, which we would do but I can’t control my sister or mum on what they will say and the baby will be with us.

It’s all really stressful and I feel like the family is getting pulled apart. Any advice on PCOS, Sjogrens or sticky blood in pregnancy gratefully received as is any advice on miscarriage and new babies.

Thank you for reading x

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OnwardandUpward Wed 07-Aug-24 00:30:49

So sorry for the miscarriage. Your poor daughter! Is she ready to socialise with family yet?

My sister had many miscarriages and was very jealous of my healthy no problem pregnancies. I already had older kids but it would have been so much worse if I'd had a baby while she lost hers.
My sister had PCOS too. When she got pregnant and kept the baby she needed injections all through the pregnancy. Has your daughter got support from SANDS?

I think either you have to tell your sister and Mum about the miscarriage or you need to let your daughter choose not to attend. She needs love and support, not to be forced into a fake joyful situation where there is underlying tension because of a secret.

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Smileless2012 Wed 07-Aug-24 09:14:17

flowers for you and your D Youngran.

IMO it would be better for your D not to go along at the weekend when her aunt and GM don't know about the miscarriage as no doubt there will be some baby talk, and you and your other D will be in an impossible position knowing that this will be upsetting her.

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Oreo Wed 07-Aug-24 11:49:02

Miscarriage and losing a baby at any time during pregnancy is a bereavement and women deal with it differently depending on their character.Be guided by how your DD wants to handle it.Some women throw themselves back into normal life fast and some don’t.Sounds like you’re doing a good job.

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paddyann54 Wed 07-Aug-24 13:53:19

We all deal with baby loss differently.I kept pregnancies quiet with only my OH and me knowing sometimes it’s really hard to manage other people’s grief on top of your own.If you can be confident you won’t tel then let her attend I found that other people’s babies didn’t upset me in fact I loved having a wee cuddle,even whenIwasstill in hospital,don’t hide your GC from her it might just help her to heal.She won’t be able to avoid every baby in the town so let her come to terms in her own way.My thoughts are with her and having a baby to hold will take away the awful empty feeling that follows a miscarriage

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