Did your parents influence you in any ways you regret?

Good for you kitty and everyone else who has made the best of their lives despite their parents.

We were fed and clothed. We had no love, affection, holidays, days out etc. My head used to be alive with nits. My mother did her best, being married to a violent, abusive alcoholic. I won't bore you again with what happened to m

me as a child. Today it would be child abuse. I have no idea how I am still here.

Hope you ( and others) have been able to find help processing and coming to terms with this difficult stuff.

Best Wishes to all who had poor early experiences.

Kate1949, I don't forget but need to laugh at my mum and wonder why my dad did nothing to redress the balance.

Your childhood sounds so awful that I am sure you are right that it would now be child abuse but I think you should give yourself credit for having come through it. From your posts and our previous interactions I know you are a caring person.

Thank you kitty. The same goes for you.

I think compared to many of you I had a happy childhood but it was really very controlled. We all attended Sunday School and church which was a huge part of life. My father told me I would be working in an office and sent me off on a secretarial course. Eventually I had some quite glamorous jobs which I would probably need a degree to do today. My parents were bought up by Victorians and one of my grannies had a switch which was on the table and used on my father. My mother said many children were beaten at home and then the boys caned at school. What with that and WW2 I guess many of them were traumatised.
Being very young and knowing no better I gave my children what they called a ginger pop childhood and I reckon we all grew up together.

All sorts,
My feelings exactly about my mother, I didn’t appreciate her and feel guilty about that.She worked hard to give us the things she never had and wanted,but I would have been happy with a cuddle and a kind word,which sadly never came.
But I wish I’d said Thankyou for her hard work to provide clothes and spare shoes,I said it but didn’t understand it was her way of showing love.

My mother placed anyone and everyone else's needs and wants ahead of her own, much to her detriment. I was going down that same road until I woke up one day and realized that life was too short. I stopped contact with a couple of toxic characters and my life has been much better since. My mother would have suffered those relationships for the sake of making everyone else happy.

Did my parents influence me in any way I regret?

(At first look I read the OP wrong)

Absolutely not. No regrets.

I may have gone to University had they offered to females not just males, however could have gone to University on my own. I very much wanted to be married with children - my parents didn't influence that decision.

I've always made my own choices. My parents supported my choices.

Feverjo

My mother placed anyone and everyone else's needs and wants ahead of her own, much to her detriment. I was going down that same road until I woke up one day and realized that life was too short. I stopped contact with a couple of toxic characters and my life has been much better since. My mother would have suffered those relationships for the sake of making everyone else happy.

I feel for you. But you can't accuse any parent or inlaws of being 'toxic' that deserve going NC, because of what happened to you.

Sometimes it is ACs and ACs in Law who are toxic, not always t'other way round.

Count myself so lucky that my parents influenced me and supported me, always, in the best possible way.

Fleurpepper

Feverjo

My mother placed anyone and everyone else's needs and wants ahead of her own, much to her detriment. I was going down that same road until I woke up one day and realized that life was too short. I stopped contact with a couple of toxic characters and my life has been much better since. My mother would have suffered those relationships for the sake of making everyone else happy.

I feel for you. But you can't accuse any parent or inlaws of being 'toxic' that deserve going NC, because of what happened to you.

Sometimes it is ACs and ACs in Law who are toxic, not always t'other way round.

Count myself so lucky that my parents influenced me and supported me, always, in the best possible way.

I'm sorry, you can't speak to my situation as you know nothing about it or me. Not sure where you are coming from but you're simply not in a position to talk to me about my life experience.

That's not what she's saying at all.

I say again, she cannot speak to my situation or anyone in my life because she doesn't know me or anyone in my life past or present. She cannot tell me who is and isn't toxic because she is a total, random stranger on the internet who has zero context for her comments. My comments were about my life. They weren't general. She has no clue what she's saying.

Nor can you project your experiences onto others...

MissInterpreted

Nor can you project your experiences onto others...

None of my comments were about anyone but myself and my mother. You don't know either of us so not sure how your comment is relevant. You'd need context for your accusation of projection. You have none

Feverjo

I say again, she cannot speak to my situation or anyone in my life because she doesn't know me or anyone in my life past or present. She cannot tell me who is and isn't toxic because she is a total, random stranger on the internet who has zero context for her comments. My comments were about my life. They weren't general. She has no clue what she's saying.

Of course, but your comment made me think of other threads.

Of course I can't tell you who is or is not 'toxic' in your life. But I can say that, in general, no-one can make the automatic assumption that it is the mother or parent, or parent in law, who brings toxicity to a relationship or causes NC. Sometimes it can be a child, AC, or sil or dil who does too.

Fleurpepper

Feverjo

I say again, she cannot speak to my situation or anyone in my life because she doesn't know me or anyone in my life past or present. She cannot tell me who is and isn't toxic because she is a total, random stranger on the internet who has zero context for her comments. My comments were about my life. They weren't general. She has no clue what she's saying.

Of course, but your comment made me think of other threads.

Of course I can't tell you who is or is not 'toxic' in your life. But I can say that, in general, no-one can make the automatic assumption that it is the mother or parent, or parent in law, who brings toxicity to a relationship or causes NC. Sometimes it can be a child, AC, or sil or dil who does too.

This thread is this thread. You are taking it upon yourself to have a conversation here that no one else was having. I did not mean to indicate I was interested in this type of derailment. You don't have enough information about me to presume you know what has happened in my life or what's going on in my head. Taking it upon yourself to explain a very random thought on an unrelated matter to this thread is rude to the OP. Let's stick to the topic at hand and leave the random assumptions out.

I could have gone to Oxford or the Imperial College, London, with my A levels but my mother wouldn't sign the grant papers unless I went to the local university. Much later I got a higher degree from Oxford but I was bitter about her attitude for years.

Feverjo

Fleurpepper

Feverjo

I say again, she cannot speak to my situation or anyone in my life because she doesn't know me or anyone in my life past or present. She cannot tell me who is and isn't toxic because she is a total, random stranger on the internet who has zero context for her comments. My comments were about my life. They weren't general. She has no clue what she's saying.

Of course, but your comment made me think of other threads.

Of course I can't tell you who is or is not 'toxic' in your life. But I can say that, in general, no-one can make the automatic assumption that it is the mother or parent, or parent in law, who brings toxicity to a relationship or causes NC. Sometimes it can be a child, AC, or sil or dil who does too.

This thread is this thread. You are taking it upon yourself to have a conversation here that no one else was having. I did not mean to indicate I was interested in this type of derailment. You don't have enough information about me to presume you know what has happened in my life or what's going on in my head. Taking it upon yourself to explain a very random thought on an unrelated matter to this thread is rude to the OP. Let's stick to the topic at hand and leave the random assumptions out.

You seem very uptight, Feverjo, almost aggressive. Perhaps you are taking things too seriously. People are not out to belittle your opinions, but they ARE allowed to have opinions of their own. If that includes making assumptions, so be it.
This will annoy you, but that’s tough. I am entitled to opinions too. You are not the only one.
Surely, when you comment, you must expect people to interpret it their way, which isn’t necessarily yours. As you say, they don’t know you, and that it why. They are simply trying to connect with you, and if you don’t want people to challenge you, perhaps this isn’t the place for you.