Did your parents influence you in any ways you regret?

In many ways my mum was ahead of her time - she always worked as a part time secretary for as long as I remember - so she was a good role model - not that recognized it at that age! Once I had finished school and was working in the city I desperately wanted move out to share a flat with a neighbour’s daughter who I was quite friendly with but who was a year or so older than me and she had just rented a flat on the Kings Road in London - but oh no, both mum and dad joined forces and would not agree to it ……I really was so disappointed! Thinking back I often wonder how much fun I had to miss out on by that decision - it was the London of the swinging sixties - where Kings Road was alive with everyone having fun and the fashions were crazy!

My parents impressed it upon me from an early age that once I finished my education I should get married and have children, I went straight from their home to my marital home and had my first baby about a year later.
I really regret that I didn’t try to strike out on my own, to do what some others did, get a job and get my own place, be my own person for a while before settling down.

henetha

My parents disappointed me somewhat as they both upped and disappeared before I was two weeks old.

I have no words except sorry. I hope your adoptive (I am assuming you were adopted) parents gave you a wonderful childhood.

I think my parents were very unusual. They'd met at university after the war, both studying the same subject, Civil Engineering. Both qualified as professional engineers after graduation and both worked through my childhood, eventually in partnership together. They were, of course, fiercely keen that my sister and I should in turn go to university and gain professional qualifications, and indeed we did.

They were neglectful by modern standards in the way that Enid Blyton's fictional parents were neglectful; we'd be out all day during the holidays without them having any idea what we were doing or who we were with. Made us independent and resourceful, although our ultimate survival was rather surprising...

They'd lived and worked abroad, they were quite liberal, completely non sexist or racist. We had books in the house with no restrictions on what we could read. We were taught how to wire plugs, paint walls, do all kinds of practical stuff.

When university graduation loomed my father went through all the things I could do, and we discussed my future career path. I saw it through and have always been able to earn a reasonable living subsequently.

So really, my parents were pretty good and I'm grateful for their input.

I've never had a holiday with a group of friends.

Knittypamela it's never too late!
For the last few years I've had a week's holiday with three friends.
We have a lovely time relaxing together, walking, talking, eating, putting the world to rights.
Two of us are widows and two of us still have our husbands.
Why not try a weekend away to start with?

My mother used to say “I have kept you at school and not had a penny out of you” That started at 14. She blamed me for having a -bad figure-because she couldn’t afford a corset because she had to buy my school uniform. She spent 50 years playing me and my brother off against each other so we had no relationship till she went into a care home and we got to discuss what she had done to us.. I wanted to into WRAF but when the recruiting officer came to the house she sent him off with a flee in his ear. It was the next thing to being on the streets she said.

Skydancer

I suppose we all have to remember that each generation has its own values and beliefs. When I was a small child in the 1950s virtually everyone went to church and children went to Sunday School. Women stayed at home and looked after children. Men went to work and often to the pub - women only went when accompanied by a man. Women usually did not drive. Homosexuality was illegal. Capital punishment existed. There are so many examples like this so it is no wonder that our parents thought differently to us. And of course our children will think the same about us.

I suppose our children will think like this. Maybe every generation feels the same but to me the change from people influenced by the effects of WW2 to what we have now is like night and day.
I think its easy to forget the hold The Church had on society. Shops shut on a Sunday, Christmas was 24 hours, Easter everything closed.

My parents stamped morality on me loud and clear eg never be late, don't let people down, be true to your word and so on. Some of the other behaviour wasn't so good.

I know exactly how my parents influenced me - they modelled poor relationships and absence of love. I do indeed regret that. It took me many years to emerge the other side of this pernicious influence.

My parents were great. I was close to my dad but didn't get on with my mum until much later in life, but glad I had those years with her.
The one thing I remember was my wedding day. It was traditional then for people to bring small gifts with them. People were struggling financially and we weren't comfortable with people spending much money on us.
I remember talking to a guest and turning round to find my mum opening our wedding presents. I was furious!
We had a few sets of cutlery (one set I still have) and she took one saying, 'You don't need all these!' I just thought she was very cheeky doing that.

My parents controlled by fear and threats, with holding care and attention. A cry for help was met with accusations of attention seeking. I almost died from medical negligence and everything was twisted. Everything they prevented me from excelling at, they said I had decided not to do. Not true.

Their relationships were poor , with each other and other people. My first relationship as a young adult was abusive. It also took me many years to learn how to not be in an abusive relationship. I never wanted to be like them and I don't think I am.

They made me a nervous wreck who is afraid of everything. I regret that.

Reading some of these makes me almost glad I'm stuck with an orange laminate floor.

Thank you crossstitchfan. Yes, I was adopted at age 4 and was treated reasonably but with very little affection. I was told the truth at 14 and became a very unhappy and difficult teenager.
But I'm ok now.

I regret my parents being very racist and passing this attitude on to me. It took until my early 20s to realise how very wrong this is. It was the 50s and notes were put on local shop doors saying no Irish, no Gypsies No Black's where we lived. Sad times but very common then.

Tom Hanks once said that beyond the age of thirty you must let go of your childhood traumas and resentments about your parents.

Though I would like to agree, it is easier said than done.

It's easier said than done. Maybe Tom Hanks isn't traumatised by his childhood.

When I was at school back in the 1950s my Pa wanted me to be a lawyer. I stayed on at school gaied all the A levels needed had a place at Bristol University but refused to go. In those days one did what your parents told you to do, I stayed on to the 6th form under duress. I swore that I would let any children I might have do exactly what they wanted, and they did.

Oh bless you. I hope you continue to be ok. You deserve it

They tried to influence me, but I was a bolshy young thing and got into trouble answering back. My Dad was proud of my career as a project manager, if rather perplexed initially. Mum had a difficult childhood and was quite insecure, after he died she was very lonely, I wish I’d understood more then.
I miss them both, my Dad in particular.

Dad and mum helped us to appreciate the great outdoors, wildlife and insects, etc (" insects are smaller than you and are more afraid of you!")., so we had a healthy repect for nature.

Mum said dad gave us a wonderful upbringing in parts of the African continent, something I will never forget.

However dad was always comparing me to my sisters. Our parents were also very strict. I ended up with low-self esteem and depression.

I became the black sheep of the family.

Anyway.. I've had CBT and dealing with my depression.

Before my parents deaths, I became closer to them again.

When I was younger my mother said to me "If I had my time again I wouldn't have children". I was very hurt. In later life when I was looking after her I reminded her of this. She said "I've changed my mind now". No apology.

My mother was quite controlling and critical. When I became a teenager I was rather afraid to put myself forward. Later I did what I wanted but never asked permission or told her. I missed a lot of life in those years .

Kate1949

It's easier said than done. Maybe Tom Hanks isn't traumatised by his childhood.

It absolutely is easier said than done. It took me the best part of 50 years to realise that I would never been good enough for my mother, but I will never forgive her for some of the things she did.

I agree with Kate1949, but I manage to now laugh at my mother and and her pretensions.

I accept that I am me now. People seem to like me and a new friend told me I was kind. No-one would have ever said that to my mother.

Sadly, one of my brothers has inherited the same need to prove he is better than everyone else -drives me nuts.

SueEH

I told my mum that I liked the name “Deborah” for a girl and she told me I couldn’t possibly use it as it’s Jewish . Pointed out that my first name actually appears in the Old Testament.
But no, I am diametrically opposite to my parents in every possible way, and find myself caring for a 95 year old dad with whom i have nothing in common. It’s hard work

Thats such a difficult situation.