Grandson calling me Mama

Two of my friends have grandchildren who call them mama. I think it might be a regional thing.

If you don’t want to look after the grandchild so much, just say so. No need to dress it up with worries over what he calls you.

When I was working in school some young children called me Maman, they were happy and didn’t think where they were.
Also, when I took my young DGC to the park and they made ‘friends’ I was Granny to all the French children as well as my DGC. I was brought up in the UK to say Auntie to my mother’s friends.
What is in a name as long as the children are happy?

It sounds as though you feel too much is expected of you. It’s unkind to ignore a child, especially one with an asd diagnosis. Children often call their teacher aunt or gran mummy by mistake

My granddaughters call me mammar I think so long has u love him has much has he loves you and really you do have him a lot, your daughter probably got in a habit of you having him and her having her freedom, I would say to her it’s a lot and I love having him but not has much has I do

Reminds me of when the little girl next door, who adopted me as a surrogate granny when she was three, called me Mummy by mistake one day “ I called you Mummy didn’t I?” She said “but you’re not my Mummy, then I called you Nanny as well and you are not my Nanny - you can be my Granny if you like, ‘cos she’s dead”!!! A rose by any other name lol!

Hello all, long time lurker first time commenter. I do agree with others comments about the use of mama and reading too much into it. It sounds to me as though the OP is not keen to look after her grandson for 4 days. She writes “sometimes this happens every other month” personally don't think that is really excessive.
However If you are not happy with the arrangement then you really must discuss this with your daughter. I looked after my two neuro diverse grandsons one day each week and it could be very challenging at times but it was my choice to do that for her and she always checked with me to ensure i was ok with it. Communication is key

You say that your daughter goes away for up to four days about six times a year. If those are business trips they are possibly important for her job security and maybe promotion. It will be important to her that her son is happy while she is away. However it may also be that she needs the respite.
Makes some notes to be clear in your mind about the reasons around this and then talk to her without judgement. She may not “see” you getting older.

Autistic children often have trouble articulating but like all children, get muddled with names. My grandson has taken to calling me by my christian name and I just say, "Nanny to you!" Now it has become his little joke.
Is your Daughter a single parent because you don't mention what his father does when she is not around? Trying to get the balance for everybody can be difficult. Your daughter might need more support because bringing up an autistic child is far more difficult than a neurotypical child because you can't always find alternatives other than a parent.
Has your daughter come to terms with having a near-diverse child? My DIL found it very difficult and threw herself into more and more work to avoid the situation. It took some help to get her through it. Her avoidance had also facilitated guilt so it had all become horrible for her and I must admit I was getting burn out from picking up the pieces so I do understand where you are coming from. May I suggest that you tackle the issue of the amount of childcare you are doing whilst offering understanding of the issues your daughter faces. Maybe come up with some suggestions about how you can more forward with other people supporting her too.

Wish O P would comment on child’s age and why she is doing childcare.

I agree with Baggs - I think you may be finding it tough looking after him so often. What he calls you is unimportant- he clearly sees you as a comfort and feels the love you give him - so valuable - but there may well be other issues when he doesn’t see his mum or feel her love and attention.

My grandchildren sometimes call me Miss, or Mum, my children called me Miss as well. As I worked in school as a special needs assistant I sometimes didn't even notice!
I have ten grandchildren 5 of them are autistic and different in so many ways so looking after them certainly keeps me on my toes. I would never not answer whatever I was called as I'd hate to think what they said wasn't worth listening to, even if sometimes it really isn't!
I think the main problem here is that if you continue to look after the little lad so much for your daughter you will begin to resent them both which would be a real shame, especially as he has formed a bond with you.
I hope you can sort this to your satisfaction as it sounds like you are the main constant in his life.

My seven year old granddaughter calls me mum at times but I just let it slide.

I don't think I would worry about your GS calling you Mama as a symptom of his missing his mum,children do that . If you feel you can't do as much care as you are currently ,you do need to find a way of discussing this with your D,however I wonder if she needs a break from looking after her son if he has autism its probably a bit more of a strain particularly if she is a single parent,could she get some support from the local authority or the Autistic society maybe ,some regular respite might help her,if this is the case she will find it more demanding as he gets older so should at least be thought about. It's a difficult one I know looking after GC much as we love it sometimes our children forget we have our own lives and are not as young as we once were

Brismum

Wish O P would comment on child’s age and why she is doing childcare.

Yes, and whether 'work trips' are necessary business trips or fun weekends in Brighton .

People are very keen to blame mothers for working, but the same people are often equally keen to criticise families on benefits. If the daughter is working to provide for her family, she isn't being a bad mother.

Doodledog

Brismum

Wish O P would comment on child’s age and why she is doing childcare.

Yes, and whether 'work trips' are necessary business trips or fun weekends in Brighton .

People are very keen to blame mothers for working, but the same people are often equally keen to criticise families on benefits. If the daughter is working to provide for her family, she isn't being a bad mother.

OP did say: It's not like I don't watch him every weekend.

If one works during the week, asks mum for help - that seems somewhat acceptable in today times, but weekends too?

Why weekends?

Waiting for OP to come back so we can understand the situation a little better

Where is the child's father? Can he not look after his son while the mother is away? (I presume she's on work trips?)

Why weekends?
Impossible to say without more information.

It doesn't matter really - the point is that the OP feels she looks after the child too much, and it is ok for her to feel that. Criticising her daughter online is rarely the best way to deal with this sort of thing, and the fact that the boy calls her Mama is a bit of a side issue. Unfortunately it implies that she is more of a mother than the real one. This is guaranteed to be hurtful to her daughter, which is not likely to be good for family relationships. Direct communication is likely to be the best way to deal with this, I think.

Its time your daughter took responsability for her son.👍

I totally understand why he is with you that often : you take responsability for him! And you probably are afraid your daughter would leave him with an acquaintance or such who wouldn't take good care of your grandson. So again and again you say yes. I know I would too. I think you need to have a good talk with your daughter. Is she a single mum? I understand she needs your help but every week-end ánd stretches of 4 days on a regular base seems a bit much. Your daughter needs to grow up, not drop of her child at yours whenever she fancies.

There’s 2 things here - your daughter is taking advantage of you and it needs to stop!
Your DGS calling you Mamma? Don’t worry about it - mine does too 😁

I'd add our GC/GGC call us whatever they wish. They are little, don't know what they're saying - the name is not a problem, imo.

You need to talk to your daughter about this.

You do not say whether she goes away as part of her job, or for pleasure, but leaving a young child, which I am assuming we are talking about here so often is not good, and leaving an autistic child is even more risky.

Please do not ignore the boy when he calls you Mama, simply say, I am Grandma, dear, not Mama. Any child under the age of seven or thereabouts could be forgiven for calling you Mama, as it sounds as if you are doing more mothering of him, than his mother is.

Sorry, if that came out wrong - I don't know the circumstances, it sounds as if she is a single parent, working full-time, so she may well not have much choice in this matter.

Would it be possible for her to change her job, so she did not have to travel as much? Doing so, would probably be better for the child.

I hope you find Gransnet helpful. If I may, I would suggest you give a little more detail another time. As you can see, some of us have difficulty offering advice as we do not know whether your daughter is a single mum or not, or why the child's father apparently is not doing his share of child-care.

If your daughter's many absences are not work-related, I suggest you take her severely to task - it is fine that you help out, but not to the extent that the child is confused as to who is mother and who is grandmother.

Hmmmmmm….. you don’t say how old you are but……. I would be on my knees and probably six feet under pretty soon if I was looking after a toddler as frequently as you do! We all start by helping but I know I can’t deal with young children like I used to 5 years ago and I’m now mid-70’s!! Think of some compromises and there is no way I would have done this to my mother!!!