Why are people so spiteful?

Do you know for sure everyone else on the second group knows what Susan has done? I would be tempted to put the cat among the pigeons and express on this new group that you are concerned members have been excluded for no good reason, without actually naming who it is. Could also point out that the original group was designed to be a social group which is friendly and inclusive for all.

I would have feigned ignorance and put a message on the new group, asking why 'Jenny' had not been included'

Astitchintime you are the kind of person I would like for a friend! I am sure Jenny will appreciate it and hopefully others will join you.

I agree wholeheartedly with grandmabatty

Whiff

I would leave the group and tell Jenny what they have done as she does not need to be with people they clearly don't like her. She will be very hurt but you will be acting as a good friend should. Also why would you want to be with people like that . That Susan is a piece of work .Can't really put what I think of people like that as it will be deleted.

I am a member of a craft group. I joined the week I moved here and was welcomed with open arms . We have our what's app group and talking to each other everyday. Each of us would walk on hot coals for anyone. We have people who can come every week but others only occasionally because of work and other commitments but with the what's app group we are all in touch with them. They are true friends and we help eachother. We are an odd bunch and in another life would never have meet but my life would be the poorer for never joining them . There is no difference between who is well off and those that aren't. But we love being together .

I moved over 100 miles to the north west and have never meet such warm open hearted people as I have meet here . We are loud ,naughty sense of humour and have all the tee shirts between us. People come but don't always stay as we are not for everyone. We are a mixed medium group I cross stitch others knit,crochet ,colour in books ,etc. Few weeks I wasn't well had a choice feel ill and annoyed at my own body or go and be with my friends so I went and just talked and eat biscuits. Felt so much better afterwards. If you lived in the north west you and Jenny would be welcomed with open arms.

I want to move to your area just to be part of your crafting group, Whiff

Just nasty! I’d be reminding her just how caring this lady had been to her and I’d tell her in no uncertain terms so you think it’s ok to treat this lady this way! Well you can leave me off too as I’m not interested

If Susan didn’t want Jenny in the new group why didn’t she have the guts to tell her? This is horrible and sneaky. I’m pretty certain Jenny is going to be very hurt when she finds out as she surely will.

When I was in school I took packed lunch and ate with some girls from my class and other older girls. One day the two from my class asked me to sit elsewhere as they didn’t want me on their table. A group of 3 other girls were horrified and invited me to sit with them. They were really nice but I always felt I was there on sufferance and I’ve feared rejection since. It affected me for years. Now I’ve trained myself to be self sufficient. Doesn’t make it easy to make friends. 60 years later I still remember the name of those two spiteful girls.

SueDoku

Smileless2012

As M0nica has posted because that is how some people are.

I wouldn't get involved in any of the new group's activities or take part on the messaging page, apart from messaging on there that I wont be because I don't approve of Jenny being left out.

You may find that you're not the only one who disapproves.

My thoughts exactly. Bring her out into the open, and see what others think...
Personally, I think you've done really well so far - I'm afraid that I would have had to say, "Really? That's odd when she and her husband have helped you such a lot..."!

I would tend to go down that route.

My thoughts are "Bet that's a small town this group is in" - as things don't tend to be like that in larger towns or in cities. Also I would say you're, quite possibly, correct re the lending money. I'm living in a small town now and one of the quickest ways for things to bust up it seems is for one person to lend another person money and the lendee decides not to pay it back/never did intend to pay it back in the first place. I can certainly think of someone here who goes round badmouthing another here and it seems to be the case that he borrowed a noticeable amount of money off her (we're talking a 4-figure amount here) and has no intention of paying her back - and so he just goes round and badmouths the woman that lent him that money and is making out she's all sorts of nasty.

It does happen in small towns that someone makes themselves out to be all sorts of popular and then reacts badly if a more normal person "calls them" on it.

I think myself it would be best to tell your excluded friend all about this. It will hurt her undoubtedly - but she will find out at some point and better for her to find out now (ie before she does any more favours to Ms Nasty One). At least she won't have quite such a long list in her mind of "But I did her this favour, that favour, the other favour - and so how could she treat me like that?". Stop her doing these favours before she does any more for that witch - and tell her that's why you've just informed her what's going on.

I expect the root of this is Mrs Witch has no intention of repaying the money and doesn't want to have group pressure on her to pay it back - hence she's "got in there first" and is badmouthing your friend. I hope your friend has got some sort of evidence in writing that Mrs Witch owes her that money - and then she could do a small claims court route to get her money back. But my suspicion is that she won't have any such proof and will probably have to kiss that money goodbye.

Probably best indeed to distance yourself a bit from what Mrs Witch is turning into "her group" and sit back and see if any of the others join you and a new group can be formed.

I would email the whole new group and say you've spoken to Susan because you thought she'd accidentally missed Jenny from the new list. State quite clearly that you're very surprised about this as you know for a fact that J and her DH have helped S enormously with gardening etc. Then say that you're not at all happy with excluding J from the group and don't want to be part of such underhand behaviour and so won't be taking part in the new group. You may be surprised and find that others want the same as you.

Your left-out friend will find out, sooner or later, that she has been excluded. It happened to me, and I took a stand - I did not want to be a part of anything that plays favourites. Also, seeing that Da Boss makes use of the excluded friend, it shows what a cruel, nasty, person she is. I'd have raised hell for being included in rotas without my explicit consent, especially as they did it before I'd even joined the group. Creating a new group with the specific agenda of leaving out just one person is so pathetic and childish and obscene. Do you really need to be friends with these ugly souls? You can still take your crafts to the usual places, with the forsaken friend, can't you?

I think excluding just one person is horrible. You are guilty by association if you stay in Susan’s group imo. I would challenge the decision and leave her group. You say the group has helped many of you because you are crafting together towards a common goal. This is wonderful and I would leave your involvement in the crafting group as it is. Leave the nasty schoolgirls to it. You never know, if you question Jenny’s exclusion, others may follow suit.

Smileless2012

As M0nica has posted because that is how some people are.

I wouldn't get involved in any of the new group's activities or take part on the messaging page, apart from messaging on there that I wont be because I don't approve of Jenny being left out.

You may find that you're not the only one who disapproves.

My thoughts exactly. Bring her out into the open, and see what others think...
Personally, I think you've done really well so far - I'm afraid that I would have had to say, "Really? That's odd when she and her husband have helped you such a lot..."!

The thing is, if you leave quietly, the bullies have won. If you're feeling brave enough challenge the exclusion on the chat. It's a nasty thing to do to someone. Is she aware of it?

CocoPops

Astitchintime Your use of the word "narked" made me smile because it reminded me of my father who used the word too.
I was also narked when a friend added me to a WhatsApp group without my permission. After umpteen unwanted messages the following day I simply blocked the calls.
In my 1960's student days I shared a house with 5 other girls. One evening I returned home to be informed by 4 of them that they'd asked Fiona (not her real name) to move out "because she's not like the rest of us ". Fiona came from a working class family .It was snobbery. I had no idea that this was brewing and poor Fiona had been booted out earlier in the day. I was shocked that they, my so-called friends, could be so cruel. It was tricky because I thought if I moved out, thereby making a stand, it would result in lost friendships. I decided to move out but oddly enough I remained friends with all but on a different level if you know what I mean. One of life's lessons eh?

What great friends eh! I would have got shut of them all- you don’t need friends like these, once I had moved out

It’s nothing short of bullying.
I wouldn’t want to associated with people like her- I would tell her what I thought about it, ( just calmly, don’t want a slanging match) & maybe do it at your next meet so the others can see her for what she is- a spiteful B

Astitchintime Your use of the word "narked" made me smile because it reminded me of my father who used the word too.
I was also narked when a friend added me to a WhatsApp group without my permission. After umpteen unwanted messages the following day I simply blocked the calls.
In my 1960's student days I shared a house with 5 other girls. One evening I returned home to be informed by 4 of them that they'd asked Fiona (not her real name) to move out "because she's not like the rest of us ". Fiona came from a working class family .It was snobbery. I had no idea that this was brewing and poor Fiona had been booted out earlier in the day. I was shocked that they, my so-called friends, could be so cruel. It was tricky because I thought if I moved out, thereby making a stand, it would result in lost friendships. I decided to move out but oddly enough I remained friends with all but on a different level if you know what I mean. One of life's lessons eh?

Well done!

Before you leave the group, I think I'd ask a general question to all, asking why Jenny wasn't invited to join the group, especially as she'd been particularly kind and generous to several members of the group.

And a reminder that if you're in a WhatsApp group, you can mute the ping just for that group, and then just check it a couple of times a day.

Astitchintime

Well done. Sometimes it just takes one person to stand up for what is right. I hope some of the others respond.

My old schoolfriend messaged me to say she and another of our friends has been blocked from a WhatsApp group and unfriended on Facebook.

She used to say the WA group was boring as it was all about the woman who started it and everybody else had to tell her how nice she looked all the time. She said it was pinging all day long and got on her nerves.

I don’t do WA groups. This one sounded very nasty and cliquey.

Astitchintime Good for you. Susan sounds quite unpleasant.

Thanks for the update. Susan sounds like someone who, whilst being polite to, deserves a bit of a wide berth.

This is what I would do. Post on the new group, I see x has not been invited and wondered why as she is so nice and has done lot to help out in the past.Then await the answers. I personally wouldn't want to be with such people if they exclude a nice decent person, your turn might be next.

@Astitchintime,
You did the right thing. Whatever happens now you know you did what you could to right a wrong. Let’s see how what you said lands with the group. You might be surprised how others now chime in with support of you and Jenny, sometimes it just takes one brave person to take the lead.
Well done 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Well done Astitchintime now see who comes forward.