Why are people so spiteful?

Good for you Astitchintime.

Awful for you but i personally would have second thoughts who your mixing with. This has obviously upset you give yourself time but I think it’s time to evaluate. Sorry for the spiteful people in this world.

I would ask on the group why she had been missed out? Must be a mistake which needs sorting out. Ask for an explanation.if this is not available then say well I need to be with Jenny’s group anyone else is welcome.

Thanks Doodledog, Miss A and CG.......I have to admit that I was a bit narked that they assumed I was prepared to car share and didn't directly ask me before creating their spreadsheet thingy.

Hear hear!

Do let us know what happens, but whatever it is your conscience is clear.

Very brave of you, AStitch.
Glad you have made your feelings clear.

Thanks for update Astitchintime.

Would be interested to know the eventual outcome of it all.

Thank you all for your comments and advice, I truly appreciate you all taking the time to respond.

I suspected that Jenny had loaned Susan money when her car was in for MOT and required significant work to get it through. Susan said she would struggle to find the money - around £200 - and couldn't get her car back until she'd paid up. Then Jenny's OH took Susan to collect her car as she had 'found the cash' ; just seemed too much of a coincidence to me, perhaps I am wrong but Susan does have history of being a bit of a sponger; the sort of person who never has her purse when we go in a cafe, can't order supplies on line because her internet is down - get my drift?

Anyway, as the new group had created a car share rota which included me I have responded to the new group and stated that I did not agree to be part of the car share scheme devised by the second group which is seemingly supplementary to the original one, I would NOT be joining them on any outings and events and I find it very unfair that Jenny has been excluded. I have no way of knowing exactly who was privy to that decision.
Looking online recently I can see that not many of the group have actually seen my message so only time will tell.

I intend to carry on with current projects as we have several on the go in preparation for Christmas. If I do withdraw after the New Year I will still be able to support local charities with my creations as I keep getting asked for repeat orders on specific items.

I would put a message on the new What's app group saying that Jenny is not on the list and can they please include her. If no-one responds positively I would leave the Whattsapp.. I can't bear non-inclusivity.. then continue attending the creativity group with Jenny and whichever members choose to turn up. You could invite other people, you don't need a whattsapp group really...

I wonder if the money is the issue?

I would be keen to know why Susan has excluded Jenny.

If, as you think, J has lent S money in the past and has divulged this information to someone, then perhaps that is the cause of the trouble? S would not be keen to admit that she has borrowed money probably, and is upset by this.

How do you know this? If J has told you this, (in confidence of course) who else has she told? 🤷‍♀️

I’m not trying to excuse S’s behaviour, but there might be more to it than what appears on the surface.

Babs03

Whatever the reason it seems unfair on Jenny. If Susan has fallen out with her or other group members have it needs to be dealt with openly and not so sneakily.

Yes.

If Susan has a problem with Jenny she should not involve others and needs to deal with it separately from the craft group.

I hope the woman who has started the new group will be declining any help from Jenny (?) in future.

Whatever the reason it seems unfair on Jenny. If Susan has fallen out with her or other group members have it needs to be dealt with openly and not so sneakily.

I agree with Doodledog - I expect some of the others didn't know what was going on.

I would probably post on the "new" group that I felt uncomfortable with the exclusion of Jenny and don't understand why she's not been included. I'd say that "I'm not trying to be awkward but will continue to use the other for group activities".
I'm assuming the other is still going?

I would expect someone will tell you privately.

Some good points to take onboard.
The chemistry between Susan and Jenny and perhaps others is one to find out about.
Can you delicately ask another member of the group why Jenny is excluded?
There could be more to it as others have said but either way just excluding her like this seems a bit harsh and is obvs going to make things tricky when she finds out, which she will.
X

Please don't tell Jenny, that would be so unkind.
I would tackle Susan and get the full picture, but to be honest I don't think that I would want to be part of any group that would exclude others.

aggie

I worked in a small group , where everyone seemed to get on , but I accidentally said something about an evening out to the only person not invited and set of a wholesale row !
Make sure of your facts , ask Susan straight out first before saying or doing anything
The person I thought was uninvited was a troublemaker

Playing Devil’s Advocate here;

In any group there’s a lot of individual characters, obviously. Some people are open and honest, what you see is what you get types. Others can be Machiavellian and hide their true nature, very well for a long time. Maybe Jenny and Susan’s relationship isn’t what it seems.
I’d tread carefully.

I worked in a small group , where everyone seemed to get on , but I accidentally said something about an evening out to the only person not invited and set of a wholesale row !
Make sure of your facts , ask Susan straight out first before saying or doing anything
The person I thought was uninvited was a troublemaker

When I first did voluntary work I thought would be best to work in a charity shop. Big mistake. The women there were very cliquey and had already snubbed other volunteers who were understandably upset about it. I got stuck between both groups and felt increasingly awkward about it. So I left and joined a local group helping the homeless, they were a motley but friendly group who welcomed me in and I still keep in touch years later. I also volunteered for another charity where they were just as nice.
Don’t stick with it if it makes you feel awkward and upset. Life is too short x

Jenny is a really lovely person, lives close to me with her OH and they would both do anything to help anyone and do a great deal to help Susan who lives alone - they give her lifts when her car is off the road, take her bins in, help with heavy gardening jobs, done her shopping when she's unwell etc. I also believe they have lent Susan money.

Just a thought - what makes you believe that Jenny and her OH have lent Susan money? Unless it was Susan herself who told you? Perhaps Jenny has let slip about this and upset Susan in some way.
No good deed goes unpunished.

Poor Jenny. Perhaps she needs that group to help with her mental health. If she suffers with low esteem then finding out that she's being excluded will only make her feel worse. After all we all like to be part of the pack.

I'd certainly rather be out of a group than being in one like the one under discussion. Some women can be really bitchy and yet they continue to have hangers on. How unpleasant

I've found with big groups such as Townswomen's Guild there are large cliques within the group who go off for lunch to 'exciting places' 🤔
A friend always seems to be included because she "networks".

Frankly, I'm relieved not to be included!

Always out of the loop. 😀

I would leave, and tell Susan you’re not comfortable with excluding people. The group has been set up to exclude one person who does not deserve it, but is bound to find out some time and will be incredibly hurt.