Self centered mean daughter in law

She is a stay at home mom

My son says nothing. She is a bully to him. She makes jokes to her friends. Says he is my bitch and laughs. He just quit drinking and she sits there and gets buzzed daily on her wine

Goodness!

Sounds a little like crossed-wires and an exasperated working mum??

Maybe?

They live 5 minutes up the road. I just started taking the younger one on Thursday and sometimes add the older one in. Took her to my sister doc one time. Was told IF I CANT COMMIT to spending time with the kids and not doing errands and going do doctors office to let her know and she will make other arrangements. This has happened in the past also took my day away because I had to cancel twice in same month. So I said ok I will no longer take them on a set schedule. We will just do day visits. Told them to have a nice night and left. My son just stood there backing his wife. Which I get to a point. But hello I am your mom. O

What does your son think or does he keep out of all this?

I was taking my GKids, my sister called and asked if I could take her to neurologist appt 5 minutes up the road. I called DI and said can u pick the boy up at school and I'll grab him from you about 45 minutes later, if it messes up ur day I can just pick him up and bring with me to Dr. I got back a LONG nasty text about not exposing the kids to unnecessary environments. I responded oh it's not a sick doc I wouldn't do. She took that as a challenge. And wrote another nasty text about setting boundaries and respecting their choices. I've never gone against their "rules". I decided to driver over their and talk it out. She was screaming at top of her lungs how she has told me this b4. She hasn't. That the kids wanna play with me not be in a car or a doctors office for hours. I said it'sa 15 minute appt and 5 minutes from the house. She kept screaming. I said I've been walking on eggshells around u for years and she didn't like that. Told me to stop acting like a victim. I was bawling my eyes out the whole time.

Why? What do you do that causes her to be mean? As others have said, we can't advise unless you give more info

Some examples would be helpful.

I agree, some examples please.

Is this a fairly new DiL? Are their children? Do they visit or live close by?

More please …..

Tell us more an perhaps we can help you.

With all due respect, without more detail it's not possible to know whether you need to 'deal with her' or find ways to be easier to deal with yourself .