Self centered mean daughter in law

With all due respect, without more detail it's not possible to know whether you need to 'deal with her' or find ways to be easier to deal with yourself .

Tell us more an perhaps we can help you.

I agree, some examples please.

Is this a fairly new DiL? Are their children? Do they visit or live close by?

More please …..

Some examples would be helpful.

Why? What do you do that causes her to be mean? As others have said, we can't advise unless you give more info

I was taking my GKids, my sister called and asked if I could take her to neurologist appt 5 minutes up the road. I called DI and said can u pick the boy up at school and I'll grab him from you about 45 minutes later, if it messes up ur day I can just pick him up and bring with me to Dr. I got back a LONG nasty text about not exposing the kids to unnecessary environments. I responded oh it's not a sick doc I wouldn't do. She took that as a challenge. And wrote another nasty text about setting boundaries and respecting their choices. I've never gone against their "rules". I decided to driver over their and talk it out. She was screaming at top of her lungs how she has told me this b4. She hasn't. That the kids wanna play with me not be in a car or a doctors office for hours. I said it'sa 15 minute appt and 5 minutes from the house. She kept screaming. I said I've been walking on eggshells around u for years and she didn't like that. Told me to stop acting like a victim. I was bawling my eyes out the whole time.

What does your son think or does he keep out of all this?

They live 5 minutes up the road. I just started taking the younger one on Thursday and sometimes add the older one in. Took her to my sister doc one time. Was told IF I CANT COMMIT to spending time with the kids and not doing errands and going do doctors office to let her know and she will make other arrangements. This has happened in the past also took my day away because I had to cancel twice in same month. So I said ok I will no longer take them on a set schedule. We will just do day visits. Told them to have a nice night and left. My son just stood there backing his wife. Which I get to a point. But hello I am your mom. O

Goodness!

Sounds a little like crossed-wires and an exasperated working mum??

Maybe?

My son says nothing. She is a bully to him. She makes jokes to her friends. Says he is my bitch and laughs. He just quit drinking and she sits there and gets buzzed daily on her wine

She is a stay at home mom

Has your DIL forgotten that you are doing her a favour by looking after her children? I think you need to sit down with your son and DIL and set some boundaries for future care.. I certainly wouldn't accept emotional abuse like this, and I would expect some flexibility if I needed to change my plans to help my sister..

She is a GREAT MOM!!! Keeps kids super busy. She is very organized everything is planned out to a T on her calendar. I wish I could copy and paste her text here. Can I??

Are you in the USA, OP?

Things could be different from here in the UK.

A woman who is unhappy will often make mother-in-law target of anger and frustration. Good luck.

This is her response: I've been running around all day and am just seeing this. This does mess up my day but I can cancel my morning because we’ve asked you not to take the kids to the doctors with you. It’s unnecessary exposure and not how the kids want to spend their day with their nana. I then replied oh it's not a sick doctor I wouldn't do that.
Then she wrote this:Regardless of the doctor’s specialty, we’ve asked you not to bring them to the doctors so there’s nothing more to discuss, those are our boundaries. You asked for this day in place of Avery going to gymnastics, if you cannot commit to giving Avery your Thursday mornings then I will get her into an activity for that day.

Now you've told her that you've been walking on eggshells for years Nana, stop doing it.

If she starts screaming at you down the 'phone, hang up. If she does it to your face outside of your home, leave and if it's in your home tell her to leave. If it's via a text message either ignore it or tell her she's being rude and you wont engage until she stops.

You will only be a victim if you allow her to make you one. If in the future something crops up which means the original arrangements for the children have to changed, don't change them and tell her you have to cancel. If she objects, then remind her of her ridiculous reaction to this incident and that you are not putting yourself in that situation again.

Boundaries and respecting choices cuts both ways .

Let her look after her own kids. I don't think you should be dictated too like that.
Things in life happen, your sister asked if you could take her five minutes down the road, the appointment was 15 minutes, the Grandchildren and entitled dil have to accept this. Not everything is about them
I would stop looking after the children for a while and let your dil look after the kids boundaries and all.
I am sick of seeing these posts about Grandparents being shouted at and in some cases held to ransom.

Well not surprised you were crying Nana5almost6 but I wouldn’t have given DIL the opportunity to scream at me as I wouldn’t have driven over there.
Leave it to her to contact you now and you can decide then on the terms on which you have contact with your grandchild.

But seriously …if she really does behave like this over a trifling matter then I think she needs some help of a different kind.
Oh and yes what about your son Nana?

I can't believe I'm posting this. I'm just so sad been crying since last night! My son never defends me. I'm in USA where is this forum from

I think most ds.i.l. are wary of their ms.i.l. and viceversa. I know I was petrified of mine. Our cultural differences didn’t help.
I now have ds.i.l. I have learned to speak when I’m spoken to . I don’t visit, unless I’m invited. If you want advice, you will have to give us more information.

This is mainly a UK Forum

My son says nothing. I got a call on Mother's Day saying they were taking her mom out so we would do something next week. Never happened, no card. Birthday same. He had plans said we would celebrate later. Nothing. But they are very different with her family. We spoil them and the kids. I take kids every single time they ask. Given them. Remodeled their home, emergency situation. Said pay back. Never a dime and I've said something a few times. No respect. I'm a people pleaser. Thanks so much for all this chatting.

Does your DIL treat her own mother in such a disrespectful manner?
Yes, I do agree that parents might set boundaries but you are obviously helping out another member of the family - what harm can it do to involve the children occasionally? It's not like you planned a lunch date with your friends leaving DIL high and dry is it??
This DIL does sound like a nasty person - who even treats their OH with such degradation?